So this wasn’t how I expected my second pregnancy to go as first had no issues. Not a happy ending but the right ending.
When I attended my ultrasound alone at 12 weeks I just knew it was bad, the sonographer was really quiet and kept remeasuring and I knew. It was 7.5mm for the NT but I didn’t know the implications. He wouldn’t discuss it with me, I had to wait from the Sunday I had the scan to Thursday (worst waiting of my life!) to go see the consultant (alone) who gave me a 1:4 of downs ... I knew that was it. I don’t know how but I’d been feeling awful this pregnancy. It wasn’t the same. I opted for the CVS there and then, not painful but strange feeling. They took a sample and we waited worriedly until Monday.
The phone call came before lunch... I could tell by her voice it was not good new, it was downs with high chance of medical issues/miscarriage and my heart sank because for us that meant terminating. She asked if I wished to know the gender, I said no; that would not help me or change my decision. I am lucky myself and my partner had discussed this and both felt the same way.
I was in the hospital the next day and stayed overnight for an emergency surgical termination as was at a critical stage now 13 +6 on the cusp of being allowed the op. So went into theatre around 8am I could not have faced the medical pill termination, I needed it done. The surgeon and team were lovely, I was under GA and numb from waist down so I felt nothing and remember nothing. It took a few hours for feeling to return and I had to be able to wee to leave but thankfully all went well and no infections etc.
I am sorry for all women who have to make these choices and I hope my story can help you like those I read online prepared me. I don’t think it’s bad to hope but this test is very conclusive, in our case it was super bad luck as the consultant said our odds were the same as any other healthy couple. You can’t blame anything sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.
I am lucky I have one healthy toddler keeping us active and distracted. Not sure that I will want to try again as the experience is something I will carry with me forever now.