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I feel like midwives/doctors are ignoring me

3 replies

LibbyAshleigh · 07/09/2020 09:21

I'm 20, and I have a 9 month old son and I'm 31 + 3 weeks pregnant with my daughter.
With my son, I felt like I was ignored by midwives and doctors because I'm a young mother. And I still feel that way this time around. Yes I got pregnant by accident again, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing.
I have severe anxiety about hospitals, and every time I mention it all they say is 'well it's better to be in a place where you have help and where you're safe' etc, and I know that! I genuinely do know that. But it really doesn't help me to stop being anxious, at all.
They've finally offered one bit of help, which is a mental health midwife, and I'm going to try and talk to her soon. But every single appointment I have, they always ignore most of what I say about how I feel. And I think it's because I'm so young.
I've had it where I'll say something multiple times at an appointment, something that's worth noting down, and they haven't written it down. I've also had it where they've made stuff up! How unprofessional!! For example the other week, I had an incident with my anxiety where they wanted to see me at the maternity assessment unit, and I said no because I knew I'd be okay once I got back home. I went to see the midwives at the birth centre the next day, and she told me I was completely fine and was happy for me to go home. But, she wrote on my notes, that I declined the offer to go to the assessment unit again. She never even asked me if I wanted to go!
I know what I'm doing, my mum studied midwifery for a few years and then she was a childminder and looked after a lot of babies for 7 (I think?) years, and she spoke to us a lot about it because she likes us to know what's going on, and I did a childcare course for 5 years, and I now have my own baby and another on the way.
Does anyone else get this, or had this happen to them? It just makes me feel singled out and it makes me feel like I need more help with my children etc than I actually do Sad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/09/2020 09:31

They've pointed you towards a mental health midwife. I'm not sure what else you want? There will come a point where you'll have to go to hospital as you havent mentioned arranging a home birth.

I do sympathise, anxiety does suck an awful lot. Can you turn to your mother for emotional support? Sadly I don't think midwives just have the time anymore

gamerchick · 07/09/2020 09:34

What does an incident with your anxiety look like? It must be intense if they're want you to go for an assessment. Can you maybe see things from their side? They only know what they see in front of them.

Good luck with the MH midwives, it definitely sounds as if you need to get on top of this anxiety asap.

TweeBree · 07/09/2020 09:41

What help are you looking for? I appreciate it's not always easy to articulate, but it might help if you ask for specific things.

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