Hi All
I'm not sure if I've come to the right thread. But have had devastating news over the past week and am reaching out to those who may understand..
Last Wednesday I got the worst call of my life - our harmony test results had come back 91% probability of our baby having Patau's syndrome. This was a massive, massive shock - our 12 week screening tests with the NHS had come back absolutely fine, scans all normal, and we'd been given a low risk 1 in 100,000 chance of Patau's. The reason I'd opted for the harmony test as well is literally just chance - my midwife mentioned it as another option while I was waiting for my screening test results, and as a pretty neurotic, anxious person I thought it might be handy just for extra peace mind.
While we waiting for the results of the harmony test, our NHS ones came back and were very low risk (as above), so when I saw the call from harmony I had absolutely no concerns whatsoever there would be anything bad..
Since the results I feel like my whole world has come crashing down. I had an amniocentesis on Friday (at 15 weeks +2), where I saw the baby on the scan and accepted it would most probably be the last time I'd see him. We will find out the results on Wednesday (when I'll be 16 weeks.) The consultant did say the harmony tests are only 91% accurate, and our baby looked fine and totally normal on the scan which is unusual for Patau's babies, who usually have many abnormalities seen on scans, but still - I feel like she gave us an almost unbalanced amount of hope. Because ultimately 91% is a high, high chance. So we're living now in this awful pergutory of waiting.. We can't fully grieve our loss, but we can certainly feel immense stress and worry at the likelihood of the loss. My partner is coping by holding onto hope - but I can't hope, I'm just telling myself the results will be bad and coping that way.. I'm trying to unconnect myself from the baby, because if the results are Patau's then my DP and i are in no doubt that there would be no way we'd continue this pregnancy - Patau's babies rarely survive to term, and if they do they only survive a few days..
The sadness, the anxiety, the loss is sometimes overwhelming. A big part of me just wants to know the bad news and grieve..
I was just wondering what other people's experiences are in similar situations? How do you cope with the shock and the loss? How do you cope with the worry of subsequent pregnancies? One part of me wants to never get pregnant again, the other wants to try as soon as possible. Ultimately I just feel so lost..