Very high NT measurement

[DinoGreen]

Hi all. The thread I didn’t think I’d ever have to or want to write.

I had my 12 week scan today with my second baby. My NT measurement was 5.5 and I have been referred straight to the fetal medicine team for an appointment with the consultant on Friday. I did see a specialist midwife after the scan who gave me lots of information on what it means and what the options are, so I feel pretty well informed right now. Based on the measurement our odds of the baby having downs or one of the other trisonomies are about 50%. If the baby doesn’t have one of these, there’s still a significant risk of some other abnormality such as a heart defect which could be serious or could not be.

DH and I are both agreed that we aren’t in a position to bring up a child with Downs or other significant abnormalities, so if this is confirmed then we will terminate.

My appointment with the consultant is on Friday, and I’ve been told that they will do another scan and that I should hopefully be able to have a CVS there and then, as long as everything is in the right position, and results would follow 3 working days later so around the middle of next week.

I’m just feeling like everything is an absolute minefield right now. I don’t know what I should do about work. I’m off on leave this week but due back on Monday, I was planning on telling them about the pregnancy then but I don’t know if I should now. On the one hand, it seems very private and I don’t really want to share what I’m going through with my (male) bosses. On the other hand, if we do get bad news, I’ll need time off for the termination. I also don’t want to be at work when I receive the call with the results, so will need to work from home that day, so I’m probably going to have to tell them something.

Stupidly, we already told my DS (aged 3) about the pregnancy after we had an early private scan at 10 weeks where everything looked fine. Not going to mention anything else to him for now but already thinking ahead to how I will explain it if we have to terminate.

Then, I’m worrying about the termination itself. The booklet the hospital gave me says that most hospitals can only do a surgical termination under general up to 14 weeks. By the time I get my results, I will be very nearly 14 weeks. The thought of having to give birth to a tiny dead baby while I’m awake is horrifying to me.

I don’t really know what I’m asking in this thread. Just wanted to get all my thoughts down really. I’m sure no one does but I really never expected to be in this position.

Oh yes @JO138 I had the maternity exemption through last week as well! All these reminders ...

@Conorgog best wishes for today, I hope it goes ok x

Thanks @DinoGreen & @JO138

Was in at 7am, surgery at 8.30 and just got home now! Was in the day surgery unit, so quite strange being on a ward with people who obviously not going through the same thing, but all fine anyway. Had a really good team, and a bit of bleeding after and was freezing when I woke up but feeling okay so far, just cramping.

Top tip for anyone having anything under general, slather your lips with lip balm, mine so dry now and feel sort of cracked at the edges.

@Conorgog

Glad you are home. Sounds like things went smoothly. I was on the recovery ward of the ICU so we were all very separate but it was clear that I was probably one of few who was going home that day. The nursing staff were amazing though.

Hope you can get some rest this afternoon. I went for a massage this morning which was lovely. Has been the only time I've ever been off work and just hanging around.....

@Conorgog glad it went ok and you’re home now. Luckily I had remembered the dry lips thing from a previous op and took lip balm with me!

@JO138 if you don’t mind me asking, being a few days further on from me, are you feeling bloated at all? My tummy is massively bloated and has been since I had the procedure on Monday, but feels quite uncomfortable today. I’ve lost weight through all the stress of the last few weeks but it doesn’t look like it with how bloated I am!

I know what you mean about it being weird to be off work and just hanging around. I’m watching Netflix boxsets and hiding inside from the sun!

@dinogreen

To be honest the worst symptoms I had after the procedure were "digestive " . I went between bloating and really upset crampy tummy. I have lost a bit of weight as well. I hadn't really been eating a lot during the whole pregnancy due to the sickness. I think my body was in a bit of shock after the procedure and then I was stuffing my face with biscuits. I bought some probiotic powder called "one week flat" and it seems to have brought my tummy back to normal. I've been taking it every morning. The main thing keeping me away from the office was how pregnant I still looked.

Hope you feel better soon. X x x

Just dropping in to wish you all well and hope youre doing ok. Worst bits over (the waiting game), all about healing and grieving now xx

Thanks @primarywoodle.

How are you doing this morning @Conorgog?

@JO138 things definitely don’t feel quite right for me “digestively” either! So that may be a cause of the bloating. I was hoping it would go down overnight but it hasn’t, I’m still very uncomfortable. Going to look for some peppermint tea or something today. The clinic on monday also told me my iron was very low (did a finger prick test) and so I got my GP to prescribe me some iron, that’s only going to add to the issues

Thanks @DinoGreen, have had terrible ‘stomach issues’ and cramping most of the night. TBH not sure how much of it was uterus contracting and how much of it was ‘other contracting’. I did consume three different icecreams yesterday amongst other things, but feel this is probably related to the procedure too. Good idea, might buy some probiotics too. (And lay off the cream). 😕 No more bleeding though so that’s good.

Re Netflix I consumed the whole series of Derry Girls yesterday, was very good.
Hoping to avoid the heat today, unlikely in a top floor apartment (sweat box) so will probably just lie on the couch with the fan on me again. 😂

How’s everyone doing? I’m still extremely bloated and uncomfortable, so much so that I think I’m going to ring the BPAS aftercare line today for some advice. It just doesn’t feel right.

Emotions wise I felt quite good the first few days after the procedure but the last couple of days, I’ve been struggling. Tears every now and then but it’s more just a general feeling of sadness and not feeling able to enjoy anything. I’m finding it hard to cope with DS and his normal boisterous 3 year old ways. DH has taken him out today so I can have some quiet time to myself. DH’s mindset is very much to not dwell or think about it too much and get on with things and he’s not being terribly helpful tbh - he just wants to move on and keep busy whereas I just feel mentally like a bus has hit me. Then again I’m not sure all this time alone with my thoughts is actually good for me. I’m signed off for another week but debating whether I should go back to work part way through next week.

@DinoGreen I'm sorry you are feeling crap. I would definitely call the aftercare line or your GP. No sense being uncomfortable.

I've been struggling as well mentally. I cry quite a bit. Usually randomly and in public. . I just get waves of complete sadness. We had made plans for our life with a second child and having to give all that up has made me realise how much I wanted it. I know I'm not ready to go back to work. I'm just too emotional. My job is quite high stress and I feel guilty but I know I'm not ready right now as I have a large team and I just don't feel like I can be in a leadership role like this.

But I agree that too much time alone can be difficult. I've tried to have one thing everyday. I've gone for a pedicure, a massage, gotten a haircut, gone to a yoga class. Just nice things to stay relaxed. Lunch dates are a nice treat as I work full time so i rarely get to meet a friend for lunch in the week. I've also set myself a few tasks. Clear out the closets, make some meals for the freezer, make a photo book of my son's baby photos, kill the weeds on the patio. Sounds lame but just little things that aren't overwhelming but keep me occupied with no stress.
My DH is much the same. Although he had too much to drink the other night and got quite emotional. Mostly he just wants to move forward and keeps telling me to focus on the future. He tries to be supportive but overall he doesn't understand my grief. It annoys me that he seems to have moved on and I am still under waves of crushing guilt and grief. I have 2 close friends who have gone through a tfmr and a miscarriage and I have been talking a lot to them which has helped. I don't think that it is really a position that anyone can understand unless they are a woman who has lived it. I know that I couldn't have before it happened to me.

I hope that you are having a relaxing day. Go do something nice for yourself. Everyone is different and maybe going back to work will help but I would say if you are able to take the time for yourself don't rush it. We have the next 20 years to work.
Happy to talk anytime. X

@Conorgog hope you are feeling better and getting some respite from the heat. I have definitely got my money's worth out of Netflix over the past 2 weeks.

Oh @DinoGreen I’m thinking of you.

There is a lot going on, not only have our bodies had a pregnancy physically removed from them but it (the body) is also now going to go through the slower process of the loss which means lots of hormonal shifts and changes and lots of different feelings as a result, this would be totally normal, and it’s okay to feel like you do.

Definitely call BPAS re bloating especially if your feeling super uncomfortable. I know they told me it can take two weeks for everything to settle down...

Hope your having a relaxing day sans DS, mine is climbing the walls and driving me a bit mad, shooing them (DS + DH) both out the door this afternoon. They have to go to a party for one of our NCT friends kids, 3 of the mums are pregnant and having their second kids toward the end of the year and I just can’t face them. 😕

Thanks for the messages @JO138 and @Conorgog. I called BPAS this morning and the nurse wasn’t happy and said there was no reason I should be feeling so bloated and uncomfortable so told me to call 111 and get an out of hours GP appointment. I just got back from that and the GP checked me over thoroughly but said he can’t see any signs of infection and that it seems to be just part of the recovery. He said it is still early days and will probably resolve itself in another week.

I’m obviously glad I don’t have an infection but I just want to start feeling better, the constant discomfort is just also a constant reminder of what I’ve been through.

@Conorgog I def understand you not wanting to go to the NCT thing. I have been having a hard time seeing social media pregnancy announcements this week, 2 from old school friends plus 1 birth- so plenty of scan pics and baby pics on my newsfeed. Scan pictures in particular are hard for me to see because it makes me think of my scan and how excited I was beforehand and how it all came crashing down and I didn’t get to have my happy photo to upload to Facebook.

I’m making my way through a lot of Netflix too. I’ve heard good things about Derry Girls so will try that next!

Hey @DinoGreen and @JO138

How are you both feeling today?

I’ve had more bleeding and period esq cramping. Nothing ibuprofen can’t sort but still achy and there.

I’m back at work today too, needed to return to a sense of normality, (prob denial), but in any case I’m not pushing it, my workplace is very flexible with me. To amuse you - I had told my boss (such an awkward man, in the nicest way) that I had had a miscarriage but didn’t want anyone to know had been pregnant), so he told everyone I had been out because I had had foot surgery, honestly. Wondered why people were looking at my feet this morning. - Then I had to cover again and say I was off studying (which I was for about 40 mins of last week).

Anyhoo thinking of you both, hope this week becomes a little better. Let me know how your feeling

X

Also I had seen on Instagram something Marian Keyes posted that said

Not everything happens for a reason, sometimes a crappy thing is just a crappy thing

Every negative does not need to be reconfigured into a positive

And, it’s okay to feel compassion for yourself.

Self compassion isn’t self pity

Thinking of you both for this

@Conorgog

Hope you are settled back in at work. I was going back in Wednesday but my boss has suggested that I just work from home for the rest of the week and go in next week. She's away for 3 weeks and we've just finished year end and August is generally a bit of a joke so I'm in no rush..... I want to get back to normal but I feel like once I set foot back in the office there us no turning back so I want to make sure I'm ready. Physically everything is pretty settled but I'm still pretty distracted and not really myself.

That's hilarious about your boss. But he tried. I have no idea what people think around the office. I walked out the day before the scan and haven't been back. I've missed year end so I'm sure there are some good rumours going.... I dread to think what is waiting for me.

Hope you are doing well @DinoGreen

Take care both X

Hope your first day back at work has gone well @Conorgog. That’s kind of funny about the foot surgery cover story my boss knows the real reason I’ve been off but I asked him to tell everyone else I was having a small op and then would be off recovering. If anyone asks me what kind of op I will just say I’d rather not talk about it and I’m sure everyone will assume something gynae related and hopefully take the hint not to ask any more questions!

I’m signed off until the end of the week. I thought about going back today but in reality I think I need the extra time. Physically I’m glad I have it too because I started bleeding heavily again yesterday (tmi but quite a few thick black clots ) and I’m also on iron tablets for anaemia which are playing havoc with my stomach so I really just need to be at home with my own toilet right now! On the plus side I’m finally starting to feel less bloated and uncomfortable, I wonder if whatever is now coming out in the bleeding/clots is what has been making me so uncomfortable.

@JO138 I’m missing year end too! Ours is this week. Out of slight guilt about that I’m thinking of offering to go through some financial stuff from home on Wednesday, absolutely no client facing stuff though this week!

Emotions wise after a very difficult Friday and Saturday, I’m feeling a bit better again, fingers crossed it lasts. Take care both of you x

@DinoGreen @Conorgog

Hope you are both feeling ok today. I've decided to head in to the office tomorrow then I'll work remotely for the rest of the week. I need to get back to normal and my DS asks me every morning if I'm going back to work. I think we all just need to get back to normal.

I called the fetal medicine unit this morning and got some good news. The karotype results are in and it was a "spontaneous event " so no increased future risk. Some good news. I had a little cry on the phone. Not sure what I would have done if we had genetic issues as well.

I'm totally confused about ovulation and I read somewhere that you should take a pregnancy test 4 weeks after tfmr to check hcg levels are back down but I am not doing that. My head is already messed up enough! I still have a box of ovulation sticks but not sure if/when they will be accurate. Does anyone know? Too early to think about it?

I'm pretty sure that I want to try again right away. Not sure DH is up for it but we will have to talk it over.....

Hope you are both doing well and things are settling down. I had a terrible night, couldn't sleep, just staring at the ceiling thinking about what's happening. Hoping that this up and down will soon switch to mostly up! Fingers crossed!

X

@JO138

That is GREAT news. I’m so happy for you.

I just got a dreaded missed call from a no number, no message either so I’m slightly panicking. Just tried to call FMU but it went to an answer phone. Gah, feel sick to my core.

Ha, re trying again. I think I have read stalked all the posts in the trying again/ pregnant after a TFMR board - but it seems to have gone quiet, wish someone would start it up again

I’m planning on trying again after I get my next period, all my research (lol) says that after one period your lining is more restored/balanced. I’m therefore looking at trying again around early September I would say.....

But if anyone wants to start a new thread with sage advice and shoulders to lean on etc, I would absolutely love it. So hard navigating this when if your like me in real life there’s not many people to discuss this with.

Again so happy for you @JO138, and thinking of you @DinoGreen xx

That’s really good news @JO138. I haven’t heard anything about my results yet, I think I’ll give them a call in a few more days if I still haven’t heard. They did tell me 2-3 weeks and it’s only been 2 and a bit.

Have you joined the ARC forum @Conorgog? There seem to be lots of people on there TTC after a TFMR, there is a big thread for TTC support.

How’s everyone doing today? I’ve been feeling much better both physically and emotionally. I had a wobble when I rang the screening midwife earlier to see if my full CVS results were in yet. Apparently she had a call from the lab yesterday and my sample has been slow growing ... not too sure exactly what that means but they think they will have results early next week for me. I just want to get that bit out the way now so I can (hopefully) feel reassured that there’s not a high chance of this happening again, if we do try again.

Hi @dinogreen I'm sorry you don't have your results yet. That is really frustrating.

I had a guy on my team (who had no idea what has happened) announce that he's expecting his second child in January. That was a bit of a kick in the teeth. Obviously i am happy for him but it's hard not to be jealous. I had a little pity party after and a cry.

It's good to be back at work though.

Hope you are doing well @Conorgog

Take care both. X

Hope everyone's doing okay. @DinoGreen I really hope your results come back soon for you. This whole thing is just an awful waiting game.

@JO138 one of my best work friends is 32 weeks at the mo and it's been so hard chatting to her about her pregnancy knowing what the outcome of mine would be. She knows what's going on so is very supportive but doesn't make things much easier.

I'm trying to think of the future and TTC again. It's pretty daunting but I think I want to try as soon as we can. I just hope we all have a better time next time round.

Hi both,

I’m doing okay, still no cvs results for me either, to scared to ring and ask again. I guess because we already know we want to try again ASAP, so a genetic diagnosis feels like it would really hit hard. Do you have to go for testing if it is? Or do IVF gawd, do I look into it or leave it. Feck.

Ah @JO138, it’s fair to feel like that, I heard a newish baby crying on the train today and my heart broke a little. It’s very tough.

Glad to hear your feeling a bit better @DinoGreen, I did join the ARC forum, but I find this forum much more user friendly - especially on an iPhone. Maybe il just re start a new trying after a TFMR thread on here in a few weeks - can’t really start it in the ‘conception’ forum - wouldn’t feel right, I’d feel like it would scare some people.

Anyhoo hope your DCs are being good, mine is just being SO gorgeous ATM, (apart from the waking up in the night)- despite that I think everyday how lucky I am to have him.

Got the call and was the very bad luck type, so feel slightly relieved.

Still bleeding a little, no cramping though, might buy some of those ovulation predictor strip thingees and some vitamin B and folic acid and start readying myself for ttc again in a few weeks/month/couple of months.