Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Bad news from NIPT

44 replies

natb88 · 24/10/2016 19:39

Well today I got the call which I really wasn't expecting. Unfortunately after my NIPT test it looks pretty certain that the baby I am carrying has Down syndrome.

Shocked is an understatement. My NHS risk was only 1 in 140 but it looks like I'm the 2. The detailed scan the private clinic did showed no soft markers either so even more of a shock.

I now have to go for the invasive testing tomorrow to confirm. Preparing myself to make a horrible decision I never thought I'd have to make. Just looking for support from anyone who has been through similar, with no judgement around a possible decision to Tfmr please.

OP posts:

AliBingo · 30/10/2016 16:06

Hope it's going ok. In fact hopefully you will be going home soon x

JinkxMonsoon · 30/10/2016 18:09

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this, and that today went as well as can be expected

AliBingo · 30/10/2016 18:29

Be kind to yourself when you do get home, tame it easy. I felt an emotional wreck for a day or two and couldn't stop crying.

Original poster

natb88 · 31/10/2016 11:18

Well I'm back home now after having to stay in overnight as it didn't finish until late evening. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were a little disappointed with the way we were treated. They either needed more training in the gynae ward, or to do it elsewhere.

But I'm ok and out the other side and trying to focus on the positives

OP posts:

AliBingo · 31/10/2016 11:45

Oh dear that's disappointing, you'd hope for sensitive treatment at this difficult time. Mine was on gynae too with a rugby match blaring out and staff calling up and down about the score. Be better on the labour ward in some ways.

Well done for getting through it, the worst bit I think, now you can grieve and eventually start to heal.

Ariel03 · 31/10/2016 11:45

Hope you're ok, thank you for your reply on my thread.
Thinking of you xx

KittyandTeal · 31/10/2016 13:55

Oh I'm so sorry that you weren't treated as you should have been.

Take time and be kind to yourself 💐

beansbananas · 02/11/2016 05:02

I just wanted to check how you and your husband are coping? I felt very empty in the days following, and I think the hormones only made me feel worse. So I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and that every day it will become a little bit easier.

Original poster

natb88 · 02/11/2016 08:13

We are ok thank you... I know what you mean about the empty feeling. Having my bad moments. I also feel very tired and the worst bit now is that I feel swollen like there is milk there. I went back to work yesterday, which I do think helped, but I'm having today off because of the tiredness.

I will get there though, thank you for asking

OP posts:

Ariel03 · 02/11/2016 18:40

I hope you managed to rest today natb88 xx

Coi123 · 03/11/2016 19:03

Natb88 I have just been through a very similar thing to you (one week today since amniocentesis confirmed DS along with some heart problems so we chose to tfmr, it was an extremely tough decision for us) and I delivered my baby boy on Monday at 16 weeks. I'm in a horribly dark place but took some comfort in the fantastic care I received at the gynaecology ward so I just cannot even imagine how you are feeling. My breasts are sore and filling with milk (just a horrific reminder of what you have lost) and I too am very tired. My hospital signed me off for a month and I'm already dreading going back as three co workers are pregnant with one a month before me. We were going to jobshare aswell :-(

Original poster

natb88 · 03/11/2016 19:50

Coi123 thank you for your post, even though it is to share the sad fact we list our babies the same way a day apart.

The milk part is so sad isn't it? It's not something I realised could happen at 15 weeks so it set me back when it happened.

I have gone back to work but getting on with things is my usual way of coping, and I know we all cope differently and I hope you have time to heal a little in your month off. Co workers always seem to be having babies at the same time, my boss' wife and another colleagues wife are due around the same time I was so I know April is going to be a struggle.

If you do ever need someone to talk to who has been through the same thing feel free to get in touch

OP posts:

Coi123 · 03/11/2016 19:57

Thankyou natb88. Everyone around me has been incredibly supportive but already people start to forget and start talking about other things (not wrongly it's just life that people move on) but us here know that is isn't something that we can move on from anytime soon. So it's nice to know that we aren't alone in this. It's just something I can't ever imagine recovering from though :-(

AliBingo · 03/11/2016 20:12

Things will get easier but it's so raw the first few weeks. I still tear up thinking about mine from 2013 but can live with it more easily now rather than raw anguish and grief x

Coi123 · 03/11/2016 20:23

AliBingo can I ask was there anything you did to help ease the pain ie councellor, gym, yoga, hobbies. At the moment all I have done is stare at the 4 walls and almost count every minute of the painfully long day. I will never forget my baby but I want to heal :-(

AliBingo · 03/11/2016 21:01

I had a 7 month old at the time so that was quite a distraction, I spent a lot of evenings holding sleeping DD and sobbing, hopefully she won't remember! (I tried not to cry if she was awake).

I didn't do any yoga or gym or anything, if anything I probably just ate like a pig and drank a lot of wine to be honest.

I had an overpowering overwhelming urge to be pregnant again as soon as possible and I was so lucky to fall 4 months after my loss, which meant that I lost my son March 2013 and had my living son in May 2014. So now I can sort of rationalise it a bit and think that I wouldn't have my living son if I hadn't lost DS1, as the dates wouldn't have worked (DS1 due 1 September so I obviously couldn't have gone on to have another ny May 2014).

The timing of mine was awful as I had the TFMR on the Saturday and was due to return to work from maternity leave on the Monday so I was working the Monday and Tuesday (I worked from home on the internet so no problems with sobbing at desk), and was busy getting back into a work routine, so that kept me busy.

Basically I remember trying to keep going and just put one foot in front of the other and plod forwards, while crying a lot in the evenings at night, thinking about my loss a lot, and talking on here a lot.

Once I had a clear harmony test with my subsequent pregnancy I think I focussed on that a lot and my baby was very healing really.

Not much help to you I don't think, sorry. It seems like you just need to get through any way you can, it's just so shitty and painful and unfair and that never really goes away.

Mine was 16 weeks same as you, you just assume once you get to 12 weeks you're in the clear don't you.

Coi123 · 03/11/2016 21:18

Thankyou AliBingo. I'm definitely at the drinking alot and eating like a pig stage at the moment lol. We really want to try again as soon as possible. I won't ever forget my little boy but I just ache to have a growing life in my tummy again. I can imagine that being pregnant again will help me heal so I'm crossing my fingers and toes I will conceive my rainbow as soon as possible.

AliBingo · 03/11/2016 21:36

You just need to do what you can to get through. And keep telling yourself it will all be ok in the end. I hope you conceive again soon, it does make things a lot more bearable even though it's still sad.

Something else playing on my mind was a friend/friend of friend (I.e. not a close friend) lost her first baby, a stillborn son, a couple of years before I had my TFMR, it was so devastating and I did try and tell myself that my situation could have been worse. She went on to have two wonderful children after her loss.

Coi123 · 04/11/2016 07:00

I totally agree AliBingo. I havd said all along that although my situation has broken my heart, there are situations that could have been alot worse. Women who go full term without any problems then they give birth to sleeping angels. That must be absolutely destroying. So pleased she went on to have two healthy children. :-)

Flip

1 2