Harmony test gave 1:2,767 result at 15 weeks BUT

[AnxiousKeziah]

Had Amnio at 30 weeks due to concerns about placenta and got diagnosis of T21.

Thànks KittyandTeal. Yes we named him, when we first held him. A little boy, much longed for. So sorry for your loss, how devastating for you all.
Did not know that about arc - they look very useful whilst going through testing from their website. Just joined Sands forum or in middle of doing so.

Have to plan a funeral - which is what we are struggling with. Not helped by where we live not having the greatest choice of final resting places ( an unkempt cemetery/place where it seems to be for shrines/a cremation place where you just get a grid number that is shared with 100's and not keep ashes). Neither feels right - not sure if that is me or the reality. Or what I want or need.

Yes sands forum is good to. The arc forum is specifically women or couples that have been through similar journeys so I'm on the one for women who have had tfmr. I cannot see any other parts. It's nice a cosy iyswim.

Can the hospital organise a service for you? We asked that they did in our case, I just couldn't even comprehend trying to sort all that out while recovering from labour and mourning our baby.

As for a final resting place, it's so hard and such a personal choice. We were lucky in that we had a couple of good choices.

Could you bring his ashes home until you decide on somewhere? Or somewhere that has been important to you as a family?

We decided on the crematorium for our dd2 but then I knew she would be in the baby and children's bit which is well kept and lovely so a good option. I couldn't have scattered her ashes somewhere unkempt and uncared for, it just feels so wrong.

Hi, yes it is just so much to deal with I cannot think straight.
We asked the hospital for help arranging, physically ticked the box and waited to see the allocated chaplain who does it. She is going to ring about 2 weeks after meeting her as too busy she said before then. And that is just to "see where we are at" not to do. I asked her to take the service ( she is from a church I am happy to lead it) and she said her own tradition was xxxx ( will not post her words as disrespectful on the forum) but I cannot have her anywhere near it. She could/did not even express any form of condolences. It was horrific - but I guess practically reduces her workload.
So need to sort it.
From research our city's crem cannot retrieve ashes of a baby under 37 weeks - so if have crem then nothing at end of it. That is latest research so think have to travel to somewhere never heard of to get ashes and then cannot bury them anywhere where we live - is what I think. Guess I just need it sorted so can start grieving. I have not managed a whole meal since his birth - lost all my weig gained in 27+ weeks and am struggling just to get dressed each day.

Oh darling! I am so sorry! I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling! Life is so unfair! I'm not going to reel out a string of platitudes, I'm just sending you my best wishes and a virtual squeeze. X

Just a thought, what about a woodland burial? Somewhere peaceful and quiet and natural? x

Bloody hell keziah! That's a lot to take on. That's an awful way to be treated, especially by a Chaplin. Ours was lovely even though I quite rudely (while in G&A) told him we were non believers.

I'm surprised that the cream can't get ashes under 37 weeks. We got ashes back from our dd at 22 weeks! How rubbish of them. I totally understand not going that way if you won't get anything back.

Like Lucy said, a woodland burial sounds lovely.

It's a horridly hard time and it sounds like it's not made easier for you by the Chaplin. Can you get hold if a decent funeral director to help out?

Oh my goodness, I am so very very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious little boy It isn't fair at all.

And I am utterly saddened by how you have been treated afterwards as well. Near us there is a special SANDS memorial garden, I wonder if they might have similar near you? I had a look around once and it was absolutely lovely - the sort of option every parent should have.

Very much thinking of you.

Keziah, I am so, so sorry for your loss and the difficulties you are now facing.

Thank you for your kind words.
Spent today looking at options outside of city. So confused. Found my nearest Sands type garden which looks lovely but cannot have ashes/burial there just have name inscribed, which I think we will do as it is beautiful from website ( dh went to see it, too much for me).

The crem was re-done a while back and from what the bereavement midwife said there are "issues" and our little one did not make 37 weeks. They hope to change it but cannot wait as no idea when it can meet regulations or whatever the issue is. I did not take it all in tbh.

And worst thing of all right now, I did not get the tablet in time to stop milk so it has decided to come in :-(

Have been given name of a funeral director though, so will contact them and use them.

That's really tough. Glad you've got the name of a funeral director and at least a place for a plaque. We're just waiting for our daughters to be done.

In regards to the milk, I wasn't allowed the tablet, they said it would interfere with the antibiotics I had to have. I know my dd was a bit littler than your DS, I'm not sure if that makes a difference. My milk came and went in about 3 days, I took ibuprofen regularly to help with the discomfort.

I know decongestant medicines aren't recommended for breastfeeding mins as they can dry up or reduce you're milk, might be an option if you're finding it really hard.

So sorry to hear of your loss. We found our funeral director to be quite knowledgeable of who were the most approachable vicars etc. They may have information to help you xx