I'm currently 16w pregnant with DC5 (unplanned, I was on the pill but DH's ninja sperm got through). DS4 was diagnosed with cleft lip and palate antenataly and then with ventriculomegaly (extra fluid in his brain) and hypotonia (low muscle tone) shortly after his birth, which was traumatic and he was prem too. We don't really know what the future holds for him and tests seem to bring up more questions rather than any definite results. DS4 is 7 months (awaits judging). I also have DS2 (5) who has severe hypermobility and uses a wheelchair most of the time but I feel like I know what I'm doing with him if that makes sense and his future is more predictable. DS1 and DS3 (7 and 3) don't have any disabilities.
So this time I'm nervous (understatement) with added pregnancy hormones. DH is dealing with stress at work so isn't really talking about the baby. We've told PIL, BIL and SIL but nobody else yet. Now I've had my dating scan and am "past 3 months" PIL expect me to stop worrying about everything. It's driving me crazy and makes me not want to tell anyone else that I'm pregnant. I'd rather not until after the 20 week scan because I don't want people asking beforehand about whether we're going to find out if its a boy or a girl and that I must be so excited when actually I'm scared about what abnormalities they might find. I also feel guilty for worrying because it's like saying I don't want another baby like DS4. DS4 is gorgeous and such a happy baby, it's just the operations and hospital stays that I'd rather not do again. How do I get through the next few months without going completely mad?