Single mum and pregnant again, really not sure what to do

[Mintymoomoo]

Found out today I'm pregnant 4-5 weeks, I am a lp to 3dc (7,9,11) partner of two years (don't live together) does 100% not want the baby

So I'm totally at lost on what to do for best, I brought my three kids up alone from when the oldest was 5! And life is going well back at work etc and enjoying myself and now this!

While I always dreamed of another baby I didn't want in these curricumstsnces I was thinking loving relationship etc!

So now I'm faced with either abortion or doing it alone!

Oh goodness, you poor thing. Do you think he's just freaked out? A lot of men say no at first then they change their minds once you make it clear the baby is staying.

They kind of need you to cover up the big green EXIT sign and then they face the challenge. Otherwise their challenge feels like 'I have to get us out of this situation'.

Other men really genuinely don't want a baby.

Sorry hope that makes sense.

I mean, men seem to see every situation as needing them to solve it or DO something. So by removing the option of termination, you're negating the first challenge they will perceive in the situation. (to get out of it entirely)

and setting them up to a new challenge which is 'to deal with this together'.

It's psychology
and it's amateur but I have observed it

thank you for your reply, he def does not want has always made it clear he doesn't want more and in fairness has not exactly been the greatest dad to the 12 year old son he has!

I was sort of beging to realise in recent months that he prob is not the person I want to stay with long term and I don't really see us having a future together, so I do believe that if I have baby then I will be doing it alone (maybe not straight away, but in the near future)

It's just a lot to get head around and to make right decision, and I admit some of them are prob selfish reasons but I have to consider everything, also I know if I don't keep then I will never get another chance I'm 35 already

Okay that makes it a little bit more complicated if you don't feel right with him.

Would you want him in your life if you did have the baby?
I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, I did have the baby, it's been hard work,

I will have to go and bath him as he is agitated and climbing on my lap so post back tomorrow xxx sorry! argh

It's a really tough one! While I don't think he will walk away completely I now he will no be great!!! Yeah he will pay the maintenance but I don't think he would be a hands on dad and would prob go for periods of not seeing baby especially when very young!

When I left xh he refused to see kids for first 3 years now he does have them every Saturday (they sleep every other until 11am Sunday) so would also have to consider that while I get my little regular break there I would be sat at home with another baby!

I do have supportive family/friends though they all do have own lives and I certainly don't have bdbysitters etc on tap!

Also I need to consider that it will put my life on hold again for a good few years, my kids are getting older and I was looking forward to meeting someone and maybe looking at marriage/family life again for kids, so need to accept that that could potentially not ever happen with 4 kids!

Yes, it does mean going back to square one in some ways. But it's different, too. You have so much more experience that it won't phase you in the same way as the first ones might have done.

It kind of depends on your stance on termination. I thought about it but I couldn't. I've never been able to think that way really though I totally understand the awful feeling that you are going to be in real trouble if you keep it.

I've found it very hard, but I wouldn't change what I decided to do. I'd just change the fact I got pg in the first place with an idiot...it was a stupid thing to do (for me - in my situation which wasn't quite like yours).

I hope you manage to find your way to a decision. Take care xx

you do indeed have the choice you mention. The father doesn't want the child, and you are about to dump him - if he doesn't walk first.

which means you need to decide what you want to do. I believe every child should be wanted by both parents and brought into a stable environment; but I also believe in choice with abortion resting ENTIRELY with the woman concerned.

good luck with whatever it is.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, feeling little tearful today, this is prob the most important decision I am ever going to have to make!

I realise that I only need to think about myself, the baby and the children I already have and do what will be best for us! I already know me and DP have now future regardless if I was pregnant or not!

I'm just going to try and take a few days to think about things and hopefully by next week I may be a little clearer on where I'm going