The MAP has failed. Some advice please

[Helpbeenstupid]

Dp and I got a bit carried away and didn't use any protection. I wasn't worried, stupidly thought it would be fine. Then I realised I was right in my most fertile time of the month. I got all confused on dates in the panic but I took Ellaone on which I know was definitely day 5. I know I took it late but its the new 5 day MAP and I thought it would be fine.

Anyway I'm pregnant and DP and I are in shock. I've had no symptoms so really didn't expect it. We already have 3 children aged 8,7 and 6 months. We have spoken about a fourth. However, we get married abroad next year( if I continue with pregnancy ill be about 33 weeks) and we will have a really small age gap.

We just don't know what to do. It's more timing than anything. The small age gap, the wedding and we live in a 4 bed rental whilst hoping to save for our house deposit. I know you can't all tell me what to do but some opinions would be greatly appreciated.

There really is no right answer for you, but I can say hand of heart if I fell pregnant now, (and as muxh as I yern for another baby and love them) I would have an abortion (unlikely to happen as dh has had snip)

To me babies are easy, it's the toddler years, financially being able to give them all the same. With 5 now I worry about it all the time!

Dont get ne wrong we cope we love our children but days I think gosh if we stopped at 3 we would only have a few years left till we could maybe go away for the night etc (we haven't done that since first child born 11 yrs ago)

It's such a hard decision, and you need to be kind to your self, see your self past the baby years abd everything involved. Good luck

I went for my first appointment today for a consultation. I cried throughout the whole appt. I literally couldn't speak. The staff at BPAS are really wonderful though. I feel more than ever now that we are making the right decision not to continue with the pregnancy. However, I still don't want to do it( I'm sure no one ever does) but I know I must. Does the guilt and pain of such an awful decision ever go away

Oh, Help, poor you [hand to hold].

I don't know about the guilt and pain - I suppose you have to consider what emotions you might have to deal with if you continued with the pregnancy and then chose the lesser evil?

BPAS are marvellous - I am glad you found them supportive.

Hugs to you and your DH

OP I went private as I couldn't wait on the NHS as once I'd made my decision to terminate I needed it done ASAP. It wasn't an easy choice and I was crying as I took the first tablet, but I know it was the right choice for us and I don't regret my decision at all. Be kind to yourself, I imagine it may have happened already, but hopefully your DH will/has been supportive x

Helen you really do need to think this through for a longer period of time. The guilt may go away however I have three friends who still bitterly regret abortions from many years ago.
Your dh is on a good wage by most people standards almost double what my dh earns and we have 4dc.
Owning your own home isn't everything.
I know you say your dh is adamant you have made the right choice but ultimately it is your choice not his.