Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

termination at 9 weeks, advice/experiences

58 replies

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 19:28

Hello, I have made the decision (about 98% sure) to terminate a pregnancy, I am absolutely churned up about this and very distressed but feel it is probably the right thing to do.

Can anyone share any experiences about a termination at this stage, physical and mental?

thank you.

OP posts:

Handbagsonnhold · 31/10/2013 20:58

I've been there....You probably don't recall....at exactly the same age as you. Termination was the right decision then for me....family has come late in life for me (in 40's). I know how you feeling. Be kind to yourself.

Sending you a huge hug x

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:01

Thank you Handbags I need it, I am so scared of this being my final call for kids, I'd be devastated if I never had them, but the time just isn't right and I can't pretend it is

OP posts:

stickysausages · 31/10/2013 21:03

I hope all goes ok for you, not the same but I've had medically managed miscarriages, which is the tablets/pessaries, bled for a week or so, then had a period six weeks to the day.

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:05

Thanks sticky

aren't the tablets/pessaries very painful?x

OP posts:

Catsby · 31/10/2013 21:10

I had a medical termination at about 7w. It was ok really. First tablets in the morning, second tablets (not pessaries, tablets you absorb in your mouth) late afternoon, starting cramping pretty much straight away and then bled heavily from late evening for about 5 days. I didn't find it too painful but then I have very painful periods anyway. It was very heavy though, if you have a medical termination then you will need towels in the bed and lots of heavy sanitary towels. But overall it wasn't too bad.

stickysausages · 31/10/2013 21:14

I won't lie, it was pretty grim...

If I hadn't been such a wimp regarding general anaesthetic, I'd have had surgery, I'd never had a GA before & had built up an irrational fear!

Had a GA since & all was fine though.

In a way, I can imagine waking up & it's all over would be less traumatic

heather1 · 31/10/2013 21:16

I'm sure ill be flamed for this but please take some time to think about what you are doing and get some impartial counselling. You could regret a decision to abort your baby for the rest of your life. I'm mean this very kindly.

killpeppa · 31/10/2013 21:17

good luck OP.

I have no experience but wanted to post support in what I can only imagine is a horrible time.
I've had an unplanned pregnancy & know the stress it causes.

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:24

heather if you read my previous posts I have agonised over this, but I really feel it is right for me at this time.

I have had a GA before (had my tonsils out as an adult) and it was OK so i'm not worried about this, I think in some ways i'd prefer it.

I guess I'd have to take some time off work? how long?

OP posts:

GetWhatYouNeed · 31/10/2013 21:25

All your feelings and fears are normal, I'm sure not one of us who has had an abortion did it lightly and without questioning what they were doing. As mentioned up thread I always knew it was the right decision but it is still not easy. I think the time leading up to the procedure is mentally hard, once it's done you will be able to recover and look forward.It is good that we live in a time when a woman does not have to continue with a pregnancy if she feels the circumstances are not right for her or the potential child. Look after yourself op.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 31/10/2013 21:26

It sounds like you have made the very best decision possible fir your situation. Try not to be scared and instead focus on the massive relief that you will feel once the pregnancy is no longer a problem ruling and cadting a horrible shadow over your life. Wishing you the 'fresh start' you desire xx

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:29

Thank you getwhatyouneed, making the decision was agonising but once I made it (had an epiphany moment in the co-op of all places) it felt so much better.

property thank you, I think I have made the best decision for me at this time x

OP posts:

LineRunner · 31/10/2013 21:29

I had a surgical termination at 5-6 weeks with BPAS, some years ago.

Never regretted.

I am always thankful that I could choose not to be pregnant.

MostWicked · 31/10/2013 21:29

I had one a very long time ago at 10-12 weeks (wasn't sure, had had 2 negative tests). GA, stayed in overnight.
Physical recovery, 2-3 days, just felt a bit worn out and a little sore, but nothing much.
Mentally, no problems. Just relief. I never had any doubts that I was doing the right thing, so I was just glad to get it over with.
Looking back now, I am absolutely certain I made the right decision and have never had a moment of regret.
Parenthood is a joy now that I am in the right place for it.

LineRunner · 31/10/2013 21:30

OP, I was in and out the same day (GA) and only needed a day off.

Catsby · 31/10/2013 21:31

If it's the GA termination, which personally I would have preferred but I'd have had to wait a few more weeks, then I think you need someone with you to drive you home and keep an eye on you, but they say no more than a day or two off. Though if you can get away with it - I'm sure they can write you a non-specific sick certificate - I'd be kind to yourself and have a few days off.

If you feel it is right, then it is right. A termination is a very big decision, but so is bringing a child into this world and raising them. Yes, it is a huge decision but you know your own mind.

Someone said something which really stuck with me, about how when they made the decision to terminate an unplanned pg they were very upset, but realised they were upset about the situation they found in more than the termination. That really helped me sort out what I was feeling.

LineRunner · 31/10/2013 21:31

Oh wow, yes, the relief.

Now the mother of 2.

Catsby · 31/10/2013 21:32

Oh, and as other posters say, my overwhelming feeling weeks afterwards is relief. I am already a mum, for many reasons I wasn't ready to have another child. But the termination was so very much the right thing for me, for us, to do.

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:35

Yes, that's how I feel. I feel angry at myself for the situation - after all I am a responsible woman in her thirties, yet I have been crying and kicking myself like a silly sixteen year old, I knew unprotected sex could lead to pregnancy, and I was quite pleased at first. It was when my (now ex) revealed his feelings that I realised it wasn't all going to be a fairy-tale.

OP posts:

Catsby · 31/10/2013 21:38

Don't be angry with yourself. Things happen, and anger and regrets at events you can't change don't get you anywhere. Be kind to yourself, be gentle, don't feel angry or blame yourself. Find someone to talk to if you want to, but don't ever blame yourself.

Original poster

pregnancywithouthim · 31/10/2013 21:39

Thank you Catsby that's really kind, people on this thread have been lovely, I am so very grateful as being treated with gentleness and respect means the world just now, as I am unable to treat myself like this, having you ladies do it for me makes me feel I'm not the world's worst person x

OP posts:

Changebagsandgladrags · 31/10/2013 21:42

I was 29 when I had mine.

I went down the medical route. It's more drawn out that way, but I kind of needed to do it that way.

OK, so emotionally, it was tough. In the first few minutes after, I was relieved. Then later, got tears and felt guilty for feeling relieved. That's fairly common.

Looking back, it was the right decision for me at that time in my life.

LineRunner · 31/10/2013 21:43

You are in a similar situation to mine (as was), OP.

Exactly as Catsby says, be kind to yourself. x

Changebagsandgladrags · 31/10/2013 21:44

OK, this is how I worked through that feeling and the later feelings.

I was in that same situation, should I not have been treated with gentleness and respect?

If me, why not you?..

stickysausages · 31/10/2013 22:21

No judgement here, it's not a decision anyone takes lightly.

I decided early on that any baby I had would be wanted, and I didn't want to make do, or muddle through... I had a mixed childhood & wanted any child of mine to have the best life, I've not had a termination,but understand the reasons people do, a thousand percent.

Flip

1 2 3