Please help me. Handhold. Advice. Anything please.

[lonelymango]

I already have a 5 month old son. My partner walked out on us a month ago and wont be coming back due to his violence and anger issues. There is no contact between us at the moment literally everything is going through a solicitor. I even took an injunction against him. The last few weeks have been so so so hard I cant put it into words there has just been so much to contend with.
I took a pregnancy test this evening more just for reassurance as I had missed a period but put that down to stress. Low and behold it was a big fat positive. Id work that out to be about 5 or 6 weeks. I just dont think I can go through with this pregnancy though. I dont know what to do. Im scared to talk to anybody. My family and friends are supporting me enough without this added in on top. And I think a part of me thinks, if I told anyone and then had an abortion would they judge me for the rest of my life?
Im sorry this all sounds so unbalanced Im just really freaking out and dont know what to do. That was not the result I wanted or expected and I feel awful for that. My son is my absolute word and I love having the time to relish on him, Being able to afford to give him nice things and Im scared I would end up really struggling physically and mentally with a child I might not love and not be able to provide for. I just dont think I can do it but I dont know what to do :(

God you poor thing. That is a lot on your plate to have to deal with. Sending you strength at such a horrible time.
I would hope that there is not an upper limit to your family and friends support. It seems so hard that you seem to feel you must hide this from them. I can understand your fear of being judged, but surely the people who love you will want the best for you, even if that means a termination is the right thing right now. You shouldn't add guilt into the mix unnecessarily - life is giving you a hard enough time without you making things tougher on yourself. Ultimately, only you can make the decision about what is best for you, and your son, and this can't be influenced too greatly by what anyone else might think of you.
In terms of practical advice, if you want to talk things through with a non-judgemental person, Marie Stopes clinics offer counselling. They absolutely will not push you in the direction of a termination; their remit is to help you sort out the muddle of thoughts in your head at a time like this and help you come to the decision that you can best live with. I think you can self-refer to them.

Sorry you're going through this. What a difficult and stressful situation.

Only you can decide whether or not you want to continue with the pregnancy. If you can't, I think a termination would be less hard on you sooner rather than later, and I'm saying that as one who has had two terminations for medical reasons at 13/14 weeks.

There's a help line you can call to discuss these things but I can't remember what it's called! Specifically antenatal choices...

Oh dear, you do have a lot on that's big stuff. I personally found talking to my friends v helpful in terms of helping me sort through my thoughts and feelings. My friends accepted my choices were mine and it was all ok. It would lessen your burden I think? Also you will find that certain opinions if theirs will annoy you and that's when you realise what you want to do....

Much love xxx

there's a help line / website called ARC (antenatal results and choices) which are good impartial advice and also as well as Marie Stopes there's another one called BPAS.
I have been in your situation and it is a horrible horrible place to be - ultimately you have to make the choice that is best for you and your DC. many hugs being sent your way xxx

I think Marie Stopes or BPAS would be appropriate in these circumstances (from their website, ARC provide 'support and information to expectant and bereaved parents throughout and after the antenatal screening and testing process').