Termination

[EverythingsRosieBear]

I have just found out I am pregnant and have decided to have a termination. I have to go to the hospital on Friday. What do I tell work? Do I have to tell them anything or will it be ok if I tell them what it's for. It's medical so I think I will need to go twice. Thanks

You do not need to tell your work any more detail than YOU want to. Enough to say you have a hospital appointment. I hope you have been able to talk to someone about your decision. Good luck.

Thanks.
Does anyone know how long I have to stay in or what the process involves?

Hm. I hope you are OK. I would tread carefully with telling your work the exact reason for your of your absence. I'm only saying this as I once confided in a manager, whom I trusted and thought would understand, that I had suffered with depression following a termination some years previously. It turns out she had very strong personal views about terminations (having apparently left her previous career in nursing on account of this, following her refusal to treat women who either wanted a termination or suffered complications as a result of a termination, as she icily informed me...). I suppose what I'm saying is that for some people, terminations are a touchy subject, and you have no way of knowing who. My professional relationship with this manager was never the same again, she just froze me out. It was really shitty, as I didn't feel up to challenging her, knowing that she already considered herself to have some kind of moral highground. If I were you I'd tell some kind of a half truth / white lie. It really is none of your employer's business. You might be having a cyst investigated and subsequently removed, for instance. I wish you all the best, it's not an easy thing.

I have had a medical termination. Tablets (antibiotics as well), then go back (I went back 6hrs later) for more tablets
Everyone is different, I had very heavy bleeding, saw the sac pass and had contractions. Take pain relief and have plenty of pads. I was at home, used codeine, ibuprofen and paracetamol

Thank you.
Did you bleed for a long time afterwards?
How do you know your making the right decision?

That is such a difficult question, and I'm not sure there is a one-size-fits-all answer, or some kind of 'killer-question'; "Ask yourself this..." type of thing that will necessarily help you crystallise your thinking. Yet it is such an essential conversation to have with yourself. We're all so different and find ourselves in this unenviable position in such a wide and varying range of contexts. We are so lucky to have a choice. For some it is a no-brainer and they never look back. I have a couple of friends like this, for whom the decision never posed a problem. It is possible that, like me, you'll never quite know whether the decision you made was right or not. And that's what it is, and it's OK. For me, it wasn't at all clear cut, in spite of my circumstances being totally 'wrong', and I was completely unprepared for the strength of my feelings after the event. I really wish you clarity of head and heart, courage and compassion (lots and lots of compassion for yourself) as you go about making your mind up. Take care!

I bled heavily for about 6 days then lightly for another week or two. I can't comment on the right decision, mine was coerced

Thanks. My dh has been just amazing and says he just wants what I want but I don't know what I want and I think neither does he. The appointment is on Friday but the longer I wait the less clear I become!

It's a tough call OP. I had one a few years ago and I'm completely pro choice, however it was for me the toughest decision I've ever had to make.....I hadn't been with my partner long at the time, it was a mistake and although I really wanted to keep the baby he didn't. I couldn't bring a child into the world knowing that it's father wasn't 100% behind me and didn't want the baby initially.

What are you reasons for not wanting to continue with the pregnancy? Don't say if you'd rather not.

I regretted my decision afterwards and still do to this day, although things are a little different now, (I'm 36 wks pg) I sunk into a depression and my relationship broke down through it.

Some people know they've made the right decision and it doesn't bother them at all, it's a no brainer for alot of people. Others end up like me, I guess you don't really know which camp you'll fall into until you've experienced it.

If you have any doubts speak to someone, maybe a professional, think long and hard about reasons for and against.

I wish you luck xx

With regards to the bleeding it can be quite heavy for a week and then gets lighter, although you may spot for several weeks after. One thing to bear in mind is that when your period returns the first few might be a lot heavier than they were before.

I would also suggest going down the surgical termination route rather than the abortion pill as that basically induces a miscarriage and can be quite painful and traumatic. With surgical you can choose to be sedated and it'll be over before you know it.

If you are unsure then please do get some counselling - Marie Stopes and BPAS are very helpful.

I hope you come to the decision that is right for you. All the best. xx

Maybe it sounds stupid but I think I deserve a medical termination. If I'm doing this to my baby then surely I deserve to be in pain for it, to feel what I have done.

Try not to feel that way, I know it's hard and horrible

I had a medical abortion this summer. We are living abroad and here it was an inpatient job. I bled quite a bit for four days and then light flow for anther week or so. The process was brutal and designed to induce guilt and fear but this is a very catholic country full of fucking fuckwits.

We have two dc already, probably want a third in the near future but this was such bad timing... It's very hard. I have doubted the decision a lot but also know why I made the decision and why it was a good one in many ways. I don't think there can be a black or white right or wrong answer, either way will be ok in it's own way.

I hope you are ok.

The pain was minimal for me by the way with the pills.

Thanks pommdechocolate. I have 2 young Dcs and we had decided our family was complete. If we had wanted another in the future we said it would be now or never but we didn't. Now it's here I just don't know. I keep imagining my life being so hectic with no time for any Dcs or money and wondering if we do have this baby will I resent it for ruining our perfect life. But then I know I never would, I'd love it to the ends of the earth.

I am 100% pro choice – have gone on marches, protested against anti-choicers at BPAS etc but I have to say, if that is how you are feeling and you know you'd "love it to the ends of the earth" then it sounds like you are not absolutely sure of your decision. So please do get some counselling before you do anything you might regret. I'm not saying you will regret it and I'm not judging you in the least, I'm just going by what you've said here.

I dont know whether you can ever be 100% sure though. I did feel that having a baby because I wasnt sure whether I could cope with an abortion was not a brilliant reason to bring life into the world.

I do think about the 'baby' everyday though..

Good evening, OP. I just want to say that you've been in my thoughts all week. I hope you're OK and that you have come to a decision you feel at peace with, now and in the future. Wishing you well xx

How are you?

Hi and thanks for thinking of me. It all went fine and I know I made the right decision even though I wishi hadn't had to. I went back for my check up and got the implant fitted so hoping in ever have to go through it again. Still think about how it could be but I guess I always will. Didn't help that on my return to work 2 people announced they are pregnant, which hurts bit more than I'd have thought