Termination for medical reasons: support thread

[Pizdets]

Hi,

I hoped never to have to post on here about this, but after finding a very rare deletion in our full karyotype this week, we've decided to go ahead with a termination at almost 18 weeks.

I know there are other people out there going through the same thing, and also that there are some wonderful people who've been through it and come back to offer support and advice. I hope this can be a place where we can get a bit of support and know we're not alone.

Personally, it's taken 5 weeks of tests and problems to get to this point, and while I'm distraught, I hope I can also get a sense of closure and start to think about moving on.

Piz

Thanks everyone. Mummy monkey08 yes i have had a second opinion I saw a specialist in London on Friday. They agreed just no idea what to do I'm swinging from one extreme to the other

Thanks everyone for the opinions and the pm s i recieved just thought I would let you know I am not terminating my pregnancy I'm going to hope desperately that the 12 weeks scan shows the baby is ok after all the meds.

Mama1980 You're being very brave. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope everything turns out alright. Specialists have definitely been wrong in this sort of situation before, I'm sure. And their priority is always going to be you, which would affect their reasoning.

I'm OK, at home now, although today isn't really a good day. DH has gone to work, and my mum is here at the moment, but beyond the basics (feeding, changing baby, etc), I can't seem to function. I'm feeling a bit empty and lost, and can't stop crying. I'm hoping this stage of the process is over soon, as I'm feeling worthless and just want to go to sleep and wake when I'm all healed.

mama that's a very brave decision and I hope all goes well for you. Please come back if you have an update or need some cheerleaders for yourself!

mummy I'm also feeling very low right now. Had a good cry for an hour or so this morning. Think what's been hardest has been my boobs being so sore and hard and leaking a bit of milk...reminds me all the time that my body was making a baby and wants to provide for it. Of course also because it's my first pregnancy it's all very unknown and overwhelming. Just hoping it tails off soon.

The genetic councellor did warn me that 5 days after the termination I'd have a big dip, something about hormone levels. She said it's also true for having a healthy birth at term (although I wouldn't know). Helps a bit to know it's normal, although really would like to feel better, esp after I felt ok the couple of days following the termination, it's a kick in the teeth to regress. Trying to keep busy right now, physical stuff outdoors is helping. Hope you have an ok day and things get better soon.

Piz

Sorry that you are going through this. I remember waking at 4am for weeks and just feeling so down. It would be dark outside and I kept thinking of that phrase "the darkest hour is just before dawn". I felt so alone at these times. As the days went on I felt a little better physically which followed by mentally. I really feel for you both dealing with this (especially when it's a first pregnancy). It's hard to move forward but hold onto the hope that things will get better.

Hi mummy how are you feeling at the moment? Hope you feel a bit better and things are grtti easier for you.

Yesterday I suddenly felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, which was really odd seeing as Sunday and Monday were probably the worst days for me so far, but I assume the hormones have perhaps calmed down a bit. Apart from one thoughtless comment from someone who should know better, I managed to get through the whole day without crying, which was rare! (had about 6 'dry' days in last 6 weeks).

Think i'm becoming a bit too obsessed with the 'whys' at the moment though, I find it hard to rationalize this as a random event and am constantly googling the effects of the super-strength paint stripper I used a few years ago, or premature ageing in eggs. I think both dh and I are keen to try again once things settle down but I'm terrified that this is a sign there's something fundamentally wrong with me and this might happen again.

Thinking of you and hoping all ok.

Piz

Pizdets You are lovely to think of me. I'm so glad you've had a good day - I hope this is just the start of it, and you feel better and better from now.

Tbh, I think analysing and overanalysing the situation and any possible causes must be totally normal. I didn't start taking Pregnacare until after I found out I was pregnant, and wasn't very good at taking it every day, so the thought that a lack of folic acid may have been a factor has crossed my mind. But I think we try to attribute blame, especially as women and mothers - we can't help but feel to blame, somehow.

Monday wasn't a good day for me. Yesterday was much better - DH stayed home, and we all went out for lunch, then I had a wander and spot of retail therapy with baby J while DH took our 4yo to see Brave.

But this morning, I felt awful again. Totally broken and bereft. It actually felt as though I'd been hit by a train, and I couldn't stop crying. My heart has completely broken, and not even the thought of my gorgeous little family seems to be able to pull me through when I'm so low. I feel empty and full of 'something' all at the same time, and just want to go to sleep and wake up for it all to be over and better.

This evening is better, although my eyes are so sore from all the crying, and I've a general feel of exhaustion. It's worse because there's no predicting when you'll feel bad/good. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

xxx

Oh mummy your post made me cry! Completely understand how you feel. Not sure I'd ever used the word 'bereft' before really but it's exactly how I feel now.

I also think because of the hormones, it's almost impossible to be rational. You can't feel sad but appreciate that you'll feel better soon or that it's not permanent, when I'm down it feels like a black hole and I can't imagine feeling any other way.

I got upset again today telling a family member that our baby was due on my birthday. I suddenly thought about how full of joy that birthday should be and now I'm dreading it already, even though it's months away. I can't imagine my birthday will ever be the same again after this, it's not a date i'm likely to forget.

Sorry, ended up more ranty than I expected. Make sure you take care of yourself and when you're down try to remember it's not forever. I know what you mean about your family a bit too...rationally I know how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband and a good life, but it's hard to appreciate in the face of all this. Hopefully we'll both end up with the families we want in the future.

Piz