Well, I was a nervous wreck (not helped by husband leaving me at 20 weeks for a teenager he'd met on the internet!!!) but I took it one day at a time, had fantastic friends and a brilliant midwife (who is now ds's godmother) and we got there. I bought pregnancy tests in bulk and every time I had a wobble, I did one just to reassure myself. I knew that they were no guarrantee of anything but it helped me just to be able to say to myself 'well, at the moment there are no signs of anything going wong and the stick says I'm pregnant so as far as I'm concerned, I'm still pregnant'. I also tried to enjoy being pregnant again, so I didn't avoid Mothercare; infact, if I felt like going in I did. I bought ds a rabbit when I was about 10 weeks pregnant on the premise that 'I am pregnant now, I have a baby inside me now, I don't know what the future holds for this baby but right now I am its mummy and I'm going to buy it a toy because I will always be this baby's mummy'.
My hospital took absolutely no chances - I was monitored and scanned to the extent that I was given my own elastic strappy things to collect myself up to the foetal monitor. Towards the end I was admitted daily (consultant wanted me to stay in from 35 weeks but we compromised on basis of my parents being 5 mins from hospital and me moving in with them) - dad dropped me off after breakfast, I was strapped up to monitor, if everything still ok at lunchtime, I could go, if not, I stayed. If I felt worried, I stayed.
Was a rather surreal time (I guess not many people have spent Christmas Eve AND Boxing Day waving to their baby on a screen!) but it was well worth it. And, actually, even if I hadn't had my son at the end of it, would still have been worth it for me as a form of 'closure'.
I guess I don't ever feel properly safe about anything anymore, but perhaps that's no bad thing? I make a conscious effort not to restrict my ds's freedom and I make my decisions based on a 'have I done everything reasonable to ensure this is safe for everyone? If so, then it's out of my hands and whatever happens, I will accept it knowing that I couldn't have done anything to influence the outcome' attitude. The whole experience has definitely taught me that I cannot control and micromanage everything in life so the only way to live without going insane is with an acceptance that sometimes things go wrong and as long as I wasn't negligent, I will try to deal with the outcomes of these things with serenity.
Didn't stop me nearly throwing up in the street with nerves when I watched my ds go off on his first bike ride alone though!!!!!