to anyone thats had a termination for medical reasons, do you have photos of your baby up around the house?

[sadbuttryingmummy]

we lost our much wanted and dearly loved baby boy in march due to hypo plastic left heart syndrome.

i had a termination for medical reasons at 22 weeks, it was anormal vaginal delievery and we got to spend two days with our son after he was born.

we have lots of lovely photos of our baby, and i was thinking of putting a couple up.
do you think this would be odd?

have you done that or keep them in a box or album?
i am doing an album

I know someone in similar position who displays pics on Facebook. No idea about the house, but would imagine they have some up. I think it would help with coming to terms with it.

So sorry for your loss. X

I think you should do what you want, you are proud of your son and should feel able to show his photo off, like the last poster I think it may help to do this.

sorry you are in this position

xxxxxxxx

Sorry for your loss,
If thats what you feel is right for you then go ahead. We lost our much loved and wanted baby girl at 13 weeks when we found out she was incompatible with life, so I had a sugical termintion. I have framed the scan picture which is on the shelf in our study and I wrote a poem which I did on a small canvas that hangs on the wall in the living room, I have done this because I feel strongly that she is part of our family.
xxx

thanks for replying to me, i suppose i feel like i don't deserve to grieve as we had a termination.

we really wanted him and we dearly love and miss him, we just personally felt for us[and i totally respect other people choice to do differently] it wasnt the right thing to do, to put him thruugh three major heart surgerys and still not be able to ever be fixed.
it was also a serve case of hlhs, i know theres no mild case of hlhs but our sons was particiularly bad.

hey there,

i think you should do whatever feels right for you and your family. we lost our baby girl at 17wks last year, and we do have pictures of her, although at the moment they are kept in her memory box - i personally still find it quite painful looking at them.
we did however plant a cherry tree in our garden in memory of her (which blossoms around March-time when she was born) and for now that is my connection with her. It is also something our two older sons can identify with, they understand it is 'Eve's' tree and Eve was their sister. when they are older (they are 2 and 4) we will share the contents of the memory box with them (and their new baby brother!) but for now, we don't have the photos on display. that's just a personal choice though...

thanks, i do have some people that havent wanted to see our sons photo, mil for one.
suppose she wouldnt have much choice if his photo was up on the wall
and i wonder if thats upsetting for visitors

we are going to plant a tree too.
just can't decide if we should put a memory plaque on the tub

we do have our sons grave to visit too

i m deeply so very sorry for everyone elses on this threads losses too
we shouldnt have to go through this

sadbut I am so sorry that you find yourself here - I have only just found this board after terminating due to anecephaly last year. I found (and still do) the guilt to be a major barrier to greiving properly. So I don't have any advice other than to be kind to yourself.

I think that part of the process is having your baby acknowledged and it feels very important to me - so I would put your pics up. It might make some feel uncomfortable but for many others it will help them open up the conversation with you - to recognise your son etc.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Our situation is a little different, our baby boy Dexter was born at 24+2 weeks and lived for 12 days. We have a picture of him up in the living room. He may be gone but he is part of our family and always will be. Just like your son is a part of yours. If you want to have his picture nearby then you should. We are thinking of putting together a photo album of all the pictures we love, but make us too sad to look at all the time, if you see what I mean.

Of course you are entitled to grieve, your son was taken from you.

The berevement section of this site and the SANDS website have been really supportive for me, I am sorry you have found yourself here but hope you can find some comfort.

Do what you have to to help you get on and remember him in the best way. A friend lost a child due to complications shortly after birth. She put pics up but took them down again almost immediately as the pain was too much. However after a little time passed, she put them back up and they are still up. He was part of the family and always will be and she said that he belongs on the wall next to his sisters. She says, saying goodnight to him as she passes him on the stairs each night, helps her and makes her smile. However I know if she knew I was writing this she?d stop me as unless you?ve gone through it (which I haven?t personally), perhaps I shouldn?t be commenting. But it really helped in her case and I wanted to share that with you. x

The first time I had a TFMR, I did my best to hide his existence away. We'd taken pictures and named him, but we were so freaked out by the whole thing we could hardly process it. As you said, it felt like we didn't have the right to grieve given the decision we'd taken. But the second time we were faced with a TFMR, I'd done my research and found out about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, a US photography organisation that takes pictures of babies who have passed away. That inspired me to do much more this time and take lots of pictures. It probably helped that he was a bit further along than his brother, so he looked a bit more chubby and 'filled out'. Anyway, after his birth, we put together a large photo frame with our three favourite pictures, plus his bonnet that I'd bought him. We also did an album with all those pictures. Both of those are in our bedroom. We now have a picture of him on our mantelpiece in the lounge, in a silver babies' photo frame with a teddy in the body of the frame (available from a well known department store). at the funeral, which we did organise the second tie round, it was a ceremony commemorating both boys, and both their photos and names were in the order of service we designed. And lastly, I put both their photos up on my Facebook page. everyone else got to put their baby pics up, so why not mine?! Anyway, eventually all those scan pics and new baby pics got the better of me and I came off FB, but I'm proud I out my boys' photos up. I haven't added them to my blog, but I would love to if I was sure they couldn't be copied or misused, but on the other hand they don't look like babies who have been born purposely early, just babies who were born too soon. Do what feels best for you - if you'd like to put up pictures, go ahead.
fryingpanorfire.blogspot.com/

Hi, so so sorry for your loss of your little one. Im getting some photos printed right now, but it is a very decision so you need to do what's right for you. Its been 4 weeks since the tfmr of our baby girl at almost 21 weeks and I wanted to make a photo album to put in her memory box of me during the pregnancy and some pics from the hospital. But as Ive been looking at my camera photos every night weve decided to put 2photos and the scan in a frame in our bedroom, as it feels personal to us but I want to be able to see them easily. So you have to do whatever feels right.

Hope that helps. Ps try the ARC website too as its specifically for tfmr, it has useful information and forums. Please don't ever feel unjustified in grieving, its so important you do, and important you understand we didn't ask for this or deserve this. It just wasn't meant to be for our little angels and we had to let them go in order to prevent their suffering.
Take care
Xx

I had a tfmr in January. Our son Matthew was 24 weeks. It is hard to know what to do with photos. We have a memory box which contains all the photos we took as well as scan pics, pics of me looking happy with my bump and all the cards we received from friends and family afterwards.

We also have a framed photo in our bedroom of Matthew. I think the bedroom is a good place as it's not on display for visitors but we look at it and think of him every day.