Facing termination - feeling scared and very sad

[Gavi]

Hope this is in the right place.

DH and I have been together for nearly 8 years. We have two DCs - DS aged 6 and DD aged 13 months. Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. It was totally unexpected as I've been on the pill and we've only slept together twice since Christmas (sorry if TMI). We think I'm about 5 weeks.

I'm due to start a teacher training programme in September, we live in a tiny house and only have DH's wage coming in. DD still isn't sleeping through. Plus from a selfish point of view, I can't face the weeks of relentless morning sickness I suffered with DD and I'm scared of giving birth again. (I've heard horror stories about third labours). Basically after talking it through we have just decided now is not the right time for another child. We don't have the time, energy, money, space or resources. I have seen the GP this morning who said she will refer me to a local clinic for a termination.

I just wondered if anyone can tell me what I can expect from the process as I've never been through anything like this before. I can't really confide in anyone in RL apart from DH as my family are against abortion and wouldn't be sympathetic.

The whole thing is breaking my heart. I know it's the best thing for all of us and I am trying to be logical but I feel overwhelmed by guilt and sadness.

Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading.

Bump. No idea but have some .

thanks red x

So sorry you're in this situation.

If you're sure that you're only 5 weeks, or thereabouts, then you should just be given a pill to take which will make you miscarry and bleed. You won't need any type of procedure done to you and it's the easiest time to get it done. It shouldn't cause any more pain than a heavy period.

You sound quite down as well, so it might be a good idea to also get some counselling as well. You should be able to request it via your GP, otherwise get in touch with Marie Stopes.

Don't feel guilty, you have to do what's best for you. Lots of hugs for you.

Thanks Fondle, I think you are right about the counselling although I don't think all of the hormones are helping. I'm a bit phobic about hospitals so will be relieved if I can just take a tablet and hopefully just come home afterwards. Thanks for the reply, it really helps just to get it all down, my head is all over the place.

For anyone going through something similar or looking for advice I thought I would update.

I have been for the initial appointment at the clinic and I go for the first tablet of a medical abortion on Tuesday. I know I am making the right decision for my family and have had more support than I thought I would get. The nurses at the clinic were lovely and I just want it all to be over now so that I can get on with my life.

The gynae scanned me and I am just 5 weeks so a medical abortion is the best option for me. I'm hoping it wont be too traumatic but I will update afterwards for anyone interested, as these boards have helped me to find out information about my options and what to expect.

Gavi thinking of you. It's horrible, but you have to trust your instincts and, to be brutal, put the children who exist (and YOU) first.

Glad you're getting support. Lean on it.

Hope everything went ok for you. Accept whatever support you can get and focus on the future now. Good luck.

Hi just wanted to conclude this. I was so frightened at the time of writing the first post, and found a lot of intimidating and misleading information on the internet so I just want to reassure anyone who is in this situation.

The process itself, although emotionally traumatic was physically fine. I wish I hadn't read all of the horror stories because from a physical point of view, the worst thing I experienced was a little nausea after the first tablet. The process itself was painless and symptomless. I opted for a good pain killer before the second tablets were inserted and this meant that I didn't feel a moment of discomfort. So for anyone looking for reassurance, I hope this helps.

From an emotional point of view, I actually feel ok. My hormones have calmed down and I'm grateful that I've been able to protect my life and my kids lives from the upheaval that a new baby would have brought. I never want to have to go through the whole thing ever again but I am confident I have made the right decision for my family and the rest is up to me to deal with. If I feel regret or guilt in the future then I just hope I can reassure myself with the knowledge that my kids needed me more than ever and I did what was right for them. It was the hardest decision of my life but thankfully I can now put it behind me and focus on my kids.

Thanks for your support.