Not long after I had DS (2YO) I was very badly assaulted. I spent the next year struggling to come to terms with what happened, it affected me badly both physically and emotionally. I did my best to be a good mummy but most days was crying and struggling to do the ordinary everyday things. I did do a good job with DS but it was bloody hard work and i was very depressed and sad. With the assault i lost my identity completely. I became withdrawn, unconfident, ashamed, and distanced myself from a lot of people. I have since been slowly rebuilding myself. On top of this we have had financial difficulties, and have only just been making ends meet. I haven't been able to afford to take DS to baby groups etc because we just don't have the money. A month ago I interviewed for an amazing job, and I got it 
. You can't imagine how important this is for me and my feeling of selfworth and getting myself back. It is a fantastic opportunity and will propel us as a family into the life i had hoped to give my DS and there are really good future prospects, and we will also not be struggling with money any more. BUT, I am now worrying so much. I was on the minipill and came off because I was bleeding so so much (sorry TMI) and so stupidly DP and I had sex a week later, using the withdrawal method. so cross with myself, how could i be so stupid. This is just a week ago now and I am so so scared that I am pregnant. I have had had cramping which is what I felt when I was pregnant with DS, but no period to show for it. I am so upset at the thought of being pregnant as I am sure I will not continue with the pregnancy. My job is overseas, they are not bound by UK laws regarding pregnancy and so I think they would not go ahead with the offer. On top of this, I really need this job, for me . I need to feel like me again, and have independnce. I want to enjoy little DS now he is at an age where he can do things like go to the park, I want to indulge ourselves as a little family. I am not ready to look after a baby again. I really am not. But I never thought I would have to have a termination. DP and I also have not been getting on very well, a lot due to the stress of the last 2 years, and we were both looking forward so much to this next phase. With this in mind, I really want to get myself in a strong financial and emotional position in case things don't work out with DP. So, here I am worrying, worrying so much I feel sick and knots in my stomach. And I might not even be pregnant...I don't know when I can do a test as I am not sure when ovulation is after coming off the pill.
Thanks for listening...please no negative comments. x