Advice 'medical termination', please...

[Fiona35]

Hello,

Am new to this site so am not sure if I am posting this in the correct area so apologies if I haven't. Also apologise for the sensitive nature of this post, I know it's not an easy subject :(

We have two small children and have recently discovered we are expecting our third after our contraception failed. We have spent weeks going over how we feel about this and after many heartbreaking conversations and going around in circles, we have decided to terminate the pregnancy, really struggling with this as it's always something we thought we could work through, we just are not in any position to bring another child into our family at this time sadly :(

I had a consultation appointment with bpas yesterday, they scanned me and I am measuring 7 weeks. I was quite bluntly asked by the nurse which treatment option I had chosen, truth is I wasn't totally sure on what was offered, turns out at this particular location it is the 'medical termination', they cannot offer surgical termination options, that would maybe be offered at local hospital, something maybe I need to look into.

I was wondering if any of you out there that feel able to would give me a little advice as I am very worried about what lies ahead. I have been told I have to go in on Tuesday to take first tablet, then go back the next day for pessaries (at 2.30pm), once they have been administered I have to go home (hours drive) and wait for things to happen at home, I am so worried that my children will be at home when this is happening, hubby will be taking care of them so I can deal with this out of the way but still can't help worrying if this is going to cause problems?? I can deal with any pain, it's possibly the length of time this will take, I feel I need to prepare myself and if possible arrange for the kids to be somewhere else maybe??

Sorry for the length of this post, if you've got through it - thank you and any help or advice would be massively appreciated!!!

Thank you

Im sorry to hear you are facing this heartbreaking decision. I am surprised that they can not offer you a medical termination and would advise contacting Marie Stopes (?) or your local hospital as they should be able to offer this.

If however you go ahead with the medical termination, I would arrange child care if I was you. Because although you and your husband have agreed on ending this pregnancy, you may need his support emotionally when it finally comes to an end.

I have not had a medical termination so can not advice on what will happen, but have had a surgical and that was tough enough.

My heart goes out to you and I hope the coming week passes quickly for you x

Fiona, I'm so sorry you're in this position, such a common one it seems unfortunately. It's a heartbreaking decision to make. If you can, take some time to check out my thread from a few weeks ago. Towards the end of the thread I've described the process I went through.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1352819-Unplanned-pregnancy-termination-booked-anyone-with-similar-experience?pg=1

Unfortunately in my case the medical process hasn't worked fully (1 in 100 apparently don't) so, after weeks of positive pregnancy tests over Christmas, I have to go in on Monday for the full surgical under a general anaesthetic (was supposed to have it yesterday but they had some delays which meant we couldn't have picked up our children on time). I'm fairly sure the actual pregnancy went within a few hours of taking the pessaries, and it's some other tissue that hasn't come away. I was given the option of taking more pessaries, but I just need it to end now. If they didn't work again, I'd be in the same position again and I can't bear that thought - I need my body back.

The physical process was quite straightforward. Luckily my children were at school and nursery that day and DH was there. We just snuggled on the sofa and watched some films. I was in no real physical pain though (they give you codeine and encourage you to take ibuprofen and paracetamol in turn - I took one codeine in anticipation and found I didn't need any further pain relief) and I was fine to get up and make some dinner (well, popped pizza in the oven at least). I bled for just under two weeks. The worst thing was not being able to take my children swimming as well as the constant reminder of what had taken place.

I'm not going to go into detail with regards to my mental state with all of this however, suffice to say, I've not found it an easy few weeks by any means. If you are sure of your decision then that is all that matters. I am struggling enormously with regret (I have had one counselling session which was helpful to a point), and the delay in resolving everything is just making things worse so I truly hope you're not the 1 in 100.

I will be thinking about you on Tuesday and Wednesday and I hope everything goes well for you.

@NatzCNL - thank you so much for replying. I have an appointment with the womens services department of our local hospital on Monday so am going to have a chat with them. I'd have to do the hours drive on two seperate days on my own, I think the first visit would be fine but it's the second visit with the suppositories that worries me, i'd be landing back home around school leaving time, would have liked some space to myself before the children got home (not sure why I can only get there at 2.40pm for these and not earlier!). Am going to see if my hospital can sort this out for me, would prefer not to be doing this at home when he kids are there tbh, think I would feel quite worried. If it has to be this way though maybe I can arrange for a friend to have them for a while.

@impossibletodecide - again thank you so much for your reply, I have just read through your thread, i think you're incredibly brave - it really has helped me to read this so thank you for sharing with me. I'm so sorry to hear it has gone the way it has and you're now faced with surgery, hope it can go ahead as planned and you can get closure for what must be a very hard time!!

Thanks again Ladies :) Will keep you updated.

Fxx

Fiona35 - just wanted to send you support for tomorrow xx

Impossibletodecide - how awful. I hope you are ok xx

Fiona - I hope all goes well. Thinking about you.

Natz - thank you. Had the ERPC yesterday so now just trying to feel better physically. Having a lazy day today then will get back to work tomorrow. DH is away for a couple of nights so I need to restore my energy for dealing with the children later. I feel I can now perhaps start to live again as opposed to just existing as I've been doing the last few weeks.

Thank you both so much for your messages, your support is appreciated.

I went this morning and took the first pill - feeling terribly guilty already but I know this is the right decision for our family (sadly). I go into hospital on Thursday and will spend the day there so am comforted that I don't need to be at home with the children around for this part.

Fxx

@ impossibletodecide - wishing you a speedy recovery. Really hope you're feeling better soon, glad to hear the ERPC went ahead as scheduled. Take care xx