Will try to keep this as short as I can. DH and I are both carriers of the gene for cystic fibrosis. This means that any child we conceive without PGD IVF will have a one in four chance of having the condition.
We have a one year old son who's, thankfully, unaffected (we didn't know DH was a carrier before I got pregnant). We would both LOVE to have another child but can't afford PGD. We've discussed possibly trying for another baby naturally and then having the CVS test and terminating if the baby is found to have CF. I'm really sorry if this sounds horribly insensitive to anyone reading this who's affected by CF, by the way :(
When I was pregnant with DS, we didn't find out about DH being a carrier until I was way past the CVS window and in any case, I was absolutely adamant that I wouldn't even consider terminating for that reason. Since then, we've both changed our minds about whether we feel we could knowingly bring a child into the world who was suffering from CF.
My cousin has CF and she was horrified that I didn't have an amniocentesis - she thought I should have done and should have terminated if my DS was found to have CF, even though it would have been done at around 20 weeks into my pregnancy. That's how strongly she feels that CF is not a condition she'd wish on another living soul. This has made me and DH think about things a lot (part of the reason I didn't feel I could terminate for CF, even at a much earlier stage, was the thought that my cousin may never have been born if these tests were an option back in the day).
Anyway, as I said, we decided to talk about maybe trying for another baby in about a year's time. IF, and only if, we both felt sure we could cope with the possibility of terminating at around 12-13 weeks. DH has said that although he'd definitely not want to continue with a CF pregnancy, he isn't at all sure he'd be able to deal with a termination.
Well, I've just found out that I'm pregnant again. I can't help feeling thrilled about it, even though I shouldn't be. I can't help feeling excited and optimistic and hopeful but I'm pretty sure that DH won't feel the same way. For this reason, I'm seriously considering not telling him until the CVS confirms that the baby doesn't have CF. And not telling him at all if it does. I don't want to ruin the next two months for him and I don't want him to have the heartache of knowing about the termination if he doesn't have to.
Also, and this is me being selfish, I don't know if I can cope with his reaction as well as coping with the uncertainty of all of this myself :(
Am I being totally unreasonable?