Do you understand that I feel responsible?

[ASAS]

Do you understand that I feel responsible? Doctors saying, "It's nothing you did or didn't do" doesn't make me feel less to blame, if there were any words to take this feeling away I would have said them to myself already.

Can you understand how I feel?

ASAS I don't know your situation, but didn't want this to go unanswered.

I suppose there is little that can be said of any use and they are trying, however uselessly, to try to help x

Thank you for responding. I spoke to my husband last night about my feelings, and he suggested for the sake of my own wellbeing I speak to someone like my GP. But I feel like everyone else has a different perspective and I wondered if other women could understand that I feel responsible, guilty and to blame.

Thanks again.

I have never been what you've been through but yes I can understand what you mean

Your rational mind says one thing but your human emotions say something else. It's very difficult to process anything that sad and gut wrenching and just accept it as "chance" as a random event as we always want answers and reasons but there just aren't any.

yes i do understand how you feel asas.
dd was born with problems that needed a lot of medical care and i think its only natural to blame yourself but (and this is a big but) as time went on i really saw that this was not the case.its a knee jerk reaction from you as a mother and you are trying to come to terms with what has happened.don't be too hard on yourself you will feel better as time passes.

Yes, I understand too. I also know what people are saying to you is true too but I still blame myself for DD's health problems even though others tell me I am not to blame.

I think that guilt is a huge part of motherhood, no matter what your mothering experience is...from carrying your child for a short time, to being the mother of healthy, adult children.

There are always things we wish we had done differently and things over which we have no control which we wish we could change.

Keep talking on here...if you want to. I've found that there is almost always someone who's had a similar experience and others who are just fantastic listeners, who can empathise and offer a virtual hug. Hope you're looking after yourself today, eat what you fancy and rest if you can x

Thanks for replying everyone.

Sometimes I feel ok, but sometimes I feel physically ill. I am disgusted with myself and I cannot accept our baby's situation isn't my fault because they are inside my body and everything comes from me. I try very hard to seem strong in front of doctors because I worry that if you seem upset they will feel obligated not to tell you all the information incase it upsets you more. I also worry that if I speak to my GP I will end up on some sort of 'list', but I do feel as though I've gone slightly mad.

Thanks again.

I understand what you mean about the being upset, almost that they'll see you as too emotional to deal with the facts? Do you have support from others apart from DH? I think it's sometimes good to take someone who can be a little more detached to appointments, armed with your list of questions, so they can stay calm and act as your advocate. Is that a possibility?

Please ask for someone to talk to or other help from your GP. There is no list, and nor is there anything to be gained from pretending you are coping when you're not. It's understandable that you're finding things hard, you have nothing to feel bad about x

The hospital only allows one other adult to come with you beyond the waiting room, my mum comes too and stays in the waiting room. We typed up our questions, which was good as the doctor could read them and give us answers but we didn't need to speak which I feel gave us time to swallow up tears and hold it together.

Today I told myself I'd only think about it at noon and 5pm, which sort of helped me function. I think I will keep trying that over the next couple of days. My company has an employee counselling service, it's completely confidential and you can access it over the phone so they'd never know who you are and HR only receive information on how many employees access the service. I may call them at the end of this week.

Thank you for reading.