TTC AFTER TFMR t-21

[sunshinea]

I'm new to this but feel i need some help. we chose, rightly or wrongly to terminate a pregnancy for T21 at the end of feb 2011. I've been using these sites as a source of support but now find myself alone as i consider whether try again for another much wanted baby. has anyone been through this and emerged a whole person at the other end? thank you in advance for any words of wisdom! PS apologies if i've posted in the wrong place- i'm getting to grips with this!

Hello sunshine So sorry for your loss love xx

This is just the right place to post. There are two big threads here, full of ladies who have gone through the same or a similar experience to you and we all support each other in many ways. Personaly i had my termination for DS + heart condition 3 weeks ago today , but have pulled through due to support from my lovely OH and the ladies here.

Deciding wether/when to ttc again is a personal thing. Some ladies wait a good while befor trying again. Age is a factor sometimes when deciding what to do. Have you other children? Did it take you long to conceive? One of the big threads i mentioned is for ladies already preg. again or ttc after mc or termination, and the other is (mostly at the mo.) for ladies (like me) who have had a loss and are pretending we arent ttc but are desperate to!!!!

Have you much support at home sunshine? Or other children? The door is always open here for a chat or a , keep talking xx

Hi sunshine,
So sorry for your loss. It feels so unfair doesn't it.
We tfmr for t21 mid march. The baby would have been very poorly due to severe hydrops.
We are desperate to ttc again ASAP as we have fertility problems. Also as I'm nearly 34 time isn't on our side.
Sending you a hug
Xx

hey sunshine i'm so sorry to hear about your loss in February. I hope tha past couple of months have been ok for you and you have support in RL. we also terminated (like blacktreaclecat) for T21 and an enlarged cystic hygroma - baby Eve was born at 17wks just over a month ago. it has been an emotionally hard few weeks, but the support i've found on these boards has been invaluable and i don't know where i'd be without being able to talk to women who have been through (or are going through) similar situations.

I'm also on the thread that misty spoke about and am one of those who is desperate to ttc again, but convincing myself (not very well actually) that i'm not. initially dh and i were going to wait 3 months, then we said we would wait until we'd had 1 period, but tbh we're so desperate to be pg again that we're kind of trying now. As misty said it is a very personal decision, and there is no right or wrong, with me it's a combination of age being a factor, and just still having the strong urge to be a mum again - not to replace baby Eve but to climb back to the road I was on before we lost her.
not sure if that makes sense (very tired and blurry eyes!!) but hope that it does, and also hope you make the trip over to the thread mentioned earlier - you will find a lot of support there.

xxxxx

Thank you so, so much for replying. It's wonderful to speak to people who really understand. I am so lucky that i already do have 2 young children, and feel a little selfish to want another, it's just that when i was pregnant, everything seemed perfect, and i kept thinking, this is too perfect- then the bombshell of making that awful decision.
I suppose what you've made me realise is that there is no rush, but i'm heartened to hear that you feel you would try again.
Thanks for the hugs!x

Hi sunshine, sorry for your loss, it's very unfair as blacktreacle says. I had a tfmr at 22 weeks just 11 days ago for severe heart defect and probable not yet confirmed chromosome problem. I have found the support here absolutely amazing and am also desperate to conceive again.

It struck me what you said about three children being perfect for you but also feeling selfish. Two would have been perfect for me and I felt all the way through my second pregnancy that it had been too easy and how could I have what I wanted so badly so easily. Hmm. Anyway, people may say I'm selfish to want another as I already have one child. It doesn't matter, it's what feels right to you and you have every right to strive for that.

Do come and join us on one of the other threads if it would help.

Kat143,
thanks for your message. You are exactly the person i think of when i feel selfish. Of course you should have another! You deserve it! when i was given the 1:140 odds, i thought to myself, it has to be someone, why not me. And then when i found it it was me i just hoped that the other 139 people in that group were first time mums or those who desperately wish for a sibling.
You're still in very early days of grieving. I'm sure no-one in their right mind could call you selfish for wishing for another child. It is an amazing gift to be a parent and when you've done it once, you (well I) just want to relive those precious moments and give more!
I will try and find some of these other threads but again thank you for reaching out x

Hi Sunshinea (realised i missed the 'a' off last time i spoke to you!! just to let you know the thread we're speaking about can be found HERE

I completely agree with you and Kat - i feel particularly selfish wanting another baby. i already have 2 beautiful boys (3 and 1) and having had a m/c last october and then losing baby Eve - have even had some not-so-well-meaning people say that "maybe your body is trying to tell you not to have any more babies!?!" wth?? i don't think it matters whether you have 1 child or 5 children - if you have the urge to add another to your family then it is still as valid a wish. i WILL try again (kinda am!) and will not feel guilty about wanting another child! Kat neither should you hun!

hmm - sorry i appear to have let off a little steam there, many apologies for invading your post with a vent!!

xxxxx

Hi ladies, I'm new here so hope I'm not doing it wrong.
Sunshinea (and everyone else on here too) I'm so sorry about your baby. I lost my baby girl 6 weeks ago at 21 weeks. She had T21 and heart problems. I was devastated and it's the hardest decision I've ever had to make but I know it was right for us (which sometimes is a comfort, sometimes not).
I also have 2 other children so can relate exactly to what you're saying about feeling selfish about wanting a 3rd, but i desperately do still want another baby and hard as it is to accept it, time's not on my side. I'm really scared that if I get pregnant again the same thing will happen because i'm "older" and then will feel like it's my fault for wanting too much. It's a horrible situation to be in.
I'm getting better but still have some really bad days and still not back to being "me". I don't feel ready to go back to work yet and face everyone but I know I have to sometime. How long is OK to be off work when something like this happens? I don't want people to think i'm milking it but at the same time my schedule is really hectic and stressful and I need to be back in one piece before i jump back in. Is that reasonable or do i just need to pull myself together??
thanks everyone
L

Sorry for your loss. I took 3 weeks off but my loss was at 13 weeks, at 21 it would have been harder physically. Take as much time as you need.
Xx

hi all So sorry to hear about your losses.

in response to loulabelle about returning to work. I had a termination for my 3rd pregnancy at about 25 weeks. because i was past 24 weeks i was entitled to maternity leave and initially thought i would go back after 6 months but was pregnant again and didn't want to see my workmates during that pg so I ended up taking a year. I feel that if I had not be on mat leave i would have taken sick for 3-4 months.

I then went on to terminate my 5th pregnancy for T21 at 13 weeks and went back after 3 weeks (2 sick and a week of pre planned annual leave) it was a bit early, four weeks would have been better I think as i spent a week in tears.

Sunshinea and others. i am now pg for the 6th time and if all is well it will be my 4th child. I completely relate to a feeling of selfishness and would never want to compare my experience to that of someone who has no other children. I feel exceptionally lucky to have what i have and if this is not successful i will still be lucky. x