Shock Pregnancy at 40 - A decision needs to be made

[Sequin1]

Hello

I know that no-one can make my decision for me but I just wanted to share my situation.

Me and OH (together 11 years) had DS when I was 37, OH 30. I had a difficult birth and difficult post birth, we never really talked about No 2 as it took us such a long time to adjust to DS. We were also told prior to conceiving DS that we would not conceive naturally so DS really was a miracle.

So, you can imagine my suprise when I got a BFP 2 weeks ago. I had a feeling i was pregnant and was so freaked out by it that I said to myself if it is a false alarm I will need to speak to OH and explain my feelings around keeping our family as it was and that I didnt want another baby.

I have known for 2 weeks and have felt miserable, have been to the doctor to talk about options (but knew what they were) and we have an appt next week (I will be 7 weeks) to advise of our decision.

OH is happy to go ahead whereas I am happy with keeping things the way they are, OH has been very understanding on why I feel at my time in life I dont want to go back to the baby days and I know he will support me either way. If I am honest I think that if OH too said he was happy with the way things are I would be comfortable with the decision to not go ahead

At 40 I am conscious of the risks, I am just starting to get my life together after having DS, I also broke my ankle last year so last year was a write off and I suffered depression as a result and prior to getting my BFP was just getting a spring back in my step, planning holidays, plans to move house, DS would be going to school so would up my hours at work (I enjoy my job) which also means more disposable income which will help with finances.I thought for me everything looked rosy.

I do feel very very selfish and think should I be giving DS a sibling but the thought of putting my life on hold for 9 months pregnancy and then 6 months at home on my own with a baby leaves me feeling depressed.

It would be nice to hear from anyone with similar experiences.

Thanks for reading xx

Didn't want to leave you with no replies so hopefully this will push into "active" and someone will come along who can help you.

I wish you all the best whatever decision you take.

Bump x

I can understand your fears, but is there any reason to believe that you will have another difficult birth? Maybe this time things will go more smoothly and as illhaveashandy says, it's unlikely you'll regret your decision if you go ahead.

Sequin, just wanted to wish you all the best and say I hope you are closer to making a decision that you feel is right for you, whatever that may be. Indecision is horrible. Take care xx

you ask for thoughts, so here are mine,

you have managed to concieve again, naturally, and as you said, that pretty much a miracle

at forty, you may feel old, but youre not really too old. most families i knew growing up all had a younger child born when themom was in your sort of situation. my grandmother was 47, my mom 37, aunt 40, etc. Nicole Kidman had her first after forty i believe

Unless there is something actually wrong with the foetus, then i personally wouldnt terminate. I would never judge anyone for doing so, as everyones situation is different.

my first pregnancy was horrendous.(think crash cart from ER waiting for baby) second only complication was work related stress. every pregnancy is different and this may be easy.

By not going through this pregnancy, you may be depriving your ds of a sibling.

whatever you decide, i wish you the best. MN will be here for support

I had Ds at 40, he has no problems and am desperately ttc #2 and failing to hold on to a second pg.

I can't tell you what to do because I am not you and I do not have your problems - but at 3 y older than you, I am hoping that I WILL get to do all the baby stuff again. In your situation, if the baby is healthy, I wouldn't terminate - but it's up to you.

Bear in mind though that if you terminate and then decide actually you would quite like to have a 2nd child it is a LOT harder to conceive naturally after 40, and a lot easier to miscarry.

Think of the long term. How do you imagine your life in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? If you can imagine 2 children there, it might be worth putting up with the hard work of the baby years to get there. But if your imagined future is happier with one, maybe that is right for you.

i has my last pg at 39 !

• had