Termination tomorrow - questions and thoughts about the future are helping me cope today. Can you help?

[misty0]

Ok - this time tomorrow i'll be in the car on my way into hospital.

Today i've been up since 6 doing housework. I'm s'posed to be taking it easy as i've been bleeding and cramping since my CVS on Thu. But there you go - i cant rest.

Then i started thinking about ttc again (been thinking about it ever since we had the bad scan) and it comforts me to plan ahead. It makes me want to carry on taking care of myself properly too. So .... these are the questions i have going round my head this morning, does anyone have any ideas???

Is it true that you are more likely to conceive quickly (more fertile) if you start trying asap? And why? Is it hormones maybe?

How soon is soon? Are we talking right after the bleeding stops? which i'm expecting to take a week or 2. Or do some people try sooner???

Would waiting for the first period to come reduce the chance of miscariage or is that just a wives tale?

Can anyone say if having a pregnancy with a Down's baby increases, decreases or doesnt alter your chance of it happening next time?

Any thoughts or experiences would be welcome. I know i should ask a doc. and i probably will - but in my experience the advice i receive here on MN is usualy more rounded and acurate than the current 'proffesional thinking'.

Thank you

It's difficult to say whether you're more fertile after a miscarriage or termination. There are theoretical reasons why you might be. For example, the left over progesterone in your body might make it easier and I have heard people suggest that the erpc or top resets your body and 'clears things out' in a way that doesn't happen with normal monthly bleeding. You can't say really I suppose. For some women it takes a while for their cycle to return to normal, for the hcg levels to go down enough for them to ovulate again. It depends on the woman I suspect and that's difficult because you don't know what might happen and when you're desperate to conceive again, it's all you can think about.

In terms of resuming ttc, I'd listen to your body. There's no reason why a doctor sticks rigidly to 'wait 3 months', it seems to be a catch all. They can advise you better after the procedure if there's any specific reason why you should wait. If the procedure is straightforward and there are no additional issues, then I'd wait to stop bleeding (for comfort levels, to heal properly and to minimise infection risk) and then take it easy. If anything hurts or doesn't feel right, just take a step back and wait a bit longer.

They'll probably give you preventative antibiotics btw (I know you said on the other thread that you'd like as much info as possible). Most places do because post op infections are common with this procedure. I always found that antibiotics make me unwell but can counter the effects on my stomach by taking acidopholus. An upset stomach is no fun on top of healing from the termination. They will probably prescribe something like co-dydramol as well for pain relief/anti-inflammatory purposes. These can constipate you so keep an eye on that too.

In terms of increased risk of DS with a second pregnancy, it is there but in the region of around 1% regardless of maternal age. I think that is right from what a friend was told who has been in your position.

I will be thinking about you tomorrow. You might find a strange sense of serenity and calm as you go into it. This doesn't mean you don't care or are numb. I know you've done A LOT of crying over the last few days and I think your body often knows to do this before the day so that you can go into it calmly and just face the physical facts of the day. Afterwards, the emotional healing will continue alongside the physical but don't be surprised by those moments of quiet resolution. They'll help you through.

showofhands - you should re-name yourself the The MN Faery

You're such a fountain of knowledge and wisdom. Thank you xx I think i'm rushing things (i know you didnt sugest that. My sensible brain is telling me it) But i cant help it. And i'll probably carry on!

I'd read somewhere about the anti.bi's and that a lady had been told to at least wait till they're finished b4 TTC. More constipation ay? Yipee, Syrup of figs it is then.

I took my vitamins again this morning for the first time since that bad scan. I know it soesn't sound that monumental, but i had stopped because i felt there was no point in trying to be healthy. I can see a point now, and i'm eating better. (not that i'm any dangerously thin skinny willow)

Thank you again -

It's nice to be a bit positive and look to the future right now. You deserve to. Take it slowly, feel what you need to feel and say whatever you want on here without fear of recrimination.

I will genuinely think about you tomorrow. I don't know if that helps but somewhere in the depths of Norfolk there's somebody knowing what you're going through.

Misty, I can't really add anything to what ShowOfHands has said, though just wanted to add myself to those who will be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care xx

We only waited er about a week before having sex, wouldn't say it was ttc but we didn't use anything, however my gp said the lining of your womb is very thin and clean after a surgical er clear out and this could possibly not be good for an embryo to implant in, so best to have a period first. I ended up on antibiotics a week later but swabs later ruled out infection, still everyone loves a dose of constipation for no reason :)
Good luck tomorrow, it will all be fine xxx
And ShowOfHands i'm in sunny Norfolk too, but on the coast :)

misty, so sorry you're having to go through this. I felt a desperate need to conceive after my first termination - and my consultant told me that she would personally try again as soon as the bleeding stopped. As it was I was induced and did not deliver all the placenta so had to return after 6 weeks for a d&c. getting pregnant again gave me something to hope for and I got pregnant with my lovely DD about 6 weeks after that and she was born a year after we lost our little boy. I went on to have another awful CVS result last year resulting in a termination for Edwards syndrome, and this time it took me 10 months to conceive again. (I am now 19 weeks).

I think I grieved for the baby we had lost for the duration of my pregnancy with my DD, and it was incredibly emotional and stressful a pregnancy as a result, but that said, it was the right thing for me and my family.
I was told that the chances of having another DS pregnancy after the first are increased to 1:100, and after two trisomies we were given a 1:50 recurrance. However, I was given a risk of 1:20000 for edwards after my nuchal this time around, so a 1:100 doesn't mean you really will be high risk.(if that makes sense)
take care of yourself and i hope you can get some sleep tonight.
hoping tomorrow goes quickly. c

Thanks ladies - more useful info. there.

Got a bit teary a little earlier. Evenings are always worse for everything arent they? I think my fear about being put to sleep (1st time for me) is interfering with me coming to terms with exactly what's happening tomorow. Or maybe it's just a coping mechanism ...

Anyway - i'll be having an early night. Up at silly o'clock tomorrow.....i'll let you know how it went when i feel i can. I feel your good thoughts xxx

babylilly - b4 i went i meant to say well done for your strength and bravery to carry on building your family. And thank you for sharing that xxxxx

Misty (hugs) i've been thinking about you all weekend and will continue to hold you and your partner in my thoughts tomorrow. i like you have the need to ttc straight away. i was induced nearly 2 weeks ago and was lucky that when my baby was born the placenta came away completely, so there has been no need to go back for any more procedures on that front.
my consultant told me that we could try again when we were emotionally ready (she didn't put any timescales on it). i too wondered whether we should wait until I have my first proper period, but i figure that if my body isn't ready to be pregnant again it just won't happen! i think i'm just finishing my post-birth bleed now, so dh and i are planning on ttc straight away, although we're under no illusions that it will happen for us this month, but i just feel the need to be trying. i think only those who have lost a baby can understand that incredible wanting to be pregnant again, not to replace our lost baby but just to be back on the path that we were knocked from.
my consultant (as babylily and showofhands said) suggested that my odds of having another DS pregnancy would be increased by 1%, which when you've had odds like i was given is nothing!
I hope that tomorrow goes as well as expected. i cried all the way up to my TOP, and cried while in the hospital, but after Eve was born I felt a strange sense of calm and serenity, and even the following morning was not in the emotional state that i thought i would be in. I did wonder if this was normal, to be void of emotion, but what i have learnt from the wonderful ladies on MN is that every and any emotion (or non-emotion) is normal, and just to go with the flow. you will have both good and bad days ahead, and please know that we are all here to support you through them, to lend a listening ear and to reassure you that you are not alone in the feelings you are experiencing.
geographically, please know that someone in sunny northamptonshire will also be thinking about you tomorrow and sending you healing vibes xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Misty

Back in circulation after a weekend away, but had to send you hugs and to say I'll be thinking of you too. Can only reinforce everything the lovely ladies have said and also say that the need to ttc is completely natural; DH and I discussed this again this weekend and timescales have gone from July, to June, to as soon as I have my first proper period. We had TOP just over 2 weeks ago with our little lady, post op bleeding just over so reckon another 4 weeks and then back on the merry go round.

It was also my first time under a general and I was petrified about being put to sleep, on top of all the other emotions. Please let me reassure you; the injection scratches a bit, but it's an injection so I guess it's never going to be great! But you go to sleep so, so quickly, literally the consultant said, 'sleep tight, we'll look after you', and I was gone. Be prepared to cry when you come round, I did and I know a few other ladies have. Fear, shock, anger, loss, all hit me like a steam train and I blubbed like an idiot. I also felt strangely numb and matter of fact for a large part of the day after. Remember, however you feel is completely natural and your way of coping; don't worry if you cry, or don't cry enough. Do what you need to do to get through the day.

For what it's worth, I'd say take the antibiotics and give yourself at least a few clear days after the post op bleeding stops; it'll seem like eternity but your body has been through so much, a little rest can only help.

I will be thinking of you, as we all will, and I'm sending huge hugs. Be strong xxx

Hi misty, I've been reading your posts and I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you find yourself here with us and that I'm thinking of you tomorrow. The other girls have answered your questions but I just wanted to add that I too had a very strange feeling of peace when I gave birth to my daughter at 26 weeks. I was also thinking ahead to ttc whilst waiting to deliver and I think it's only natural. I was advised to wait until after my first period (4 weeks after I delivered) to be able to date a pregnancy, give myself some head room and allow my body to recover a little & build up some lining/ reduce infection etc. This seemed infuriating at the time but over this time the burning obsession of ttc passed and although we are keeping fingers crossed it'll happen soon I'm using this time to try & lose some of the baby weight I gained and get a bit healthier.
Good luck tomorrow- I also focused on the physical side of the procedures to protect myself against the emotional pain of what is happening. I think it's nature's way of helping you out in the short term xx

misty, you'll be there now so won't read this until later but you were my first thought this morning. CinnamonDog has just made me burst into tears with her 'sleep tight, we'll look after you' (it's such a lovely and kind thing to say as a doctor iyswim) and I know the feeling of being petrified of the anaesthetic. I didn't want to be 'switched off' but hopefully you're finding out for yourself that really it's not frightening and seems so simple once it's happening.

Norfolk is still sunny today (not that common is it jezebelle?) so I'm going to sit in the garden and raise a glass of orange juice to you. Today is the saddest day but when you look back and feel a bit stronger, it will also be the day you started to heal.

hi misty, I've only just got back on to read your bad news. I hope everything was straightforward in hospital. i have had two terminations and, like you, the first thing i could think of was to conceive. i think it's a very natural thing to want to do. take care of yourself. x

Big virtual hugs today Misty- I'm sure they looked after you really well in hospital and I hope you are as well as an be expected.

Following on from my earlier post, I forgot to mention that it was suggested to me to take a pregnancy test first thing in the morning after a couple of weeks to check there was no HCG in my body before starting to ttc. I didn't really want to write that in this box but I'll forget it if I don't! My brain isn't what it used to be!!

Look after yourself xxxx

Misty - been thinking of you so much today and hope that everything went as well as it can - and you managed to get your underwear back on as soon as you wanted too.
Thinking of you and your other half - cry when you want but dont be afraid to smile at times as well - you will be fine and as much as you want to ttc as soon as possible (make sure you have some fun trying).
Sending you big hugs and look forward to hearing that you are ok xx

misty - just wanted i've been thinking about you all day and hope that today was as peaceful as it could have been. please know that we are all here to talk / listen when you are ready to come back on here. sending you many virtual hugs xxxxxxxx

Been thinking about you today xxxx

Bump x