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Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Original poster

Terrible 12 weeks scan reults - cant stop crying.

48 replies

misty0 · 06/04/2011 08:57

I think i'm facing a termination. I'm 12+6. '12' week scan yesterday evening gave me a 1:3 risk of downs or another abnormality. Hospital is sposed to ring today to give me a CVS appt. asap.

I CANNOT pull myself together for more than 5 mins at a time - crying and crying. Got a family to sort out. Daughters birthday today. Meal out later ect. My partner is being lovely - hes gone to work this morning tho'. He needed to go, it's Ok.

I cant cope......never fallen apart like this b4. Usually very strong.

Any words of advice?

OP posts:

babylily · 08/04/2011 19:37

misty, so sorry you are having to go through this. I've been where you are twice (for different trisomies), and i know how much it all hurts and how horribly unfair it is. It takes time, a long time, but one day you won't cry any more. I still think about my little boys every day, and they are a part of who i am and who we are as a family. The things that helped me most was doing everything ARC advise to help you grieve (plant a tree, hold a funeral, make a memory box...)
I wish there was something i could say to make it easier for you. Hope everyone is being kind and gentle with you, and that Monday passes quickly.
x

oxocube · 08/04/2011 19:49

Am terribly sorry. Love and strength to you and your partner

tiokiko · 08/04/2011 20:13

Misty I'm so sorry to hear this - I was looking out for news from you and am so sad to read your update tonight. Will be thinking of you and your family.

Original poster

misty0 · 08/04/2011 20:20

trickysue - thank you xx god what a stressful thing - i'd be the same...trying to tell how the message sounded. Would it be any good at all ringing tomorow? There may be someone who could talk to you, as they obviously had some info. for you....

showofhands - thank you xx i don't realy want to know exactly what they will do, but i've got loads of stupid questions. I had a choice of terminations, as i am 13+2, and i chose to be asleep. I couldn't face a labour. I've never had a general anesthetic b4, or been with someone who has. I'm wondering if i'll bleed as much as after a normal birth? I'm wondering if they will offer us the choice of seeing the baby? I'm wondering if i can keep my bra on through the op??? I know that sounds odd - but i don't know! Will they put me in a ward with pregnant ladies? One other thing ... please don't shoot me down for this .... how soon can we try again? It was a natural prg. If you (or anyone) can answer any of these i'd be grateful

ghislaine - thank you xx i will check out that thread

Thanks to all of you ... i feel all your good wishes

OP posts:

Jajas · 08/04/2011 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickysue · 08/04/2011 20:39

Hi Misty - not sure if this answers your questions but I have had several D&C's from missed miscarriages at various stages up to 16 weeks (I think that may be similar) if so I had to take my bra off and model a lovely gown - was allowed to keep my socks on but felt they ruined the look somewhat. I was on a day ward with varying ages of people including elderly with bunions but no baby bumps which was a relief- They told me to expect heavy bleeding afterwards but to be honest it has never been too bad at all for me - I hope its the same for you. What was nice is when I came round they had let my husband in to sit with me (much to the annoyance of the bunion people) It was so nice to have him there. In terms of the anaesthetic please dont be scared _ i cried so much on the way down to theatre but its so dreamy and really nothing major to worry about- for me being under anaesthetic was what I needed as I couldn't face labour or be sent home to have to deal with the physical side. So whilst one minute you are pregnant and the next you are not and I will be honest it is hard psychologically for me it was the best option.
In terms of ttc I was always told 3 months but you have to do what is right - my friend is a gynae and she actually told me that after the op you are very fertile so its up to you - I think they just say 3 months to give hormones and emotions a chance to recover.

Hope this helps or someone who is in a better position can offer advice.xx

muffins · 08/04/2011 20:40

Been following your thread misty, thinking of you and all the best for Monday xxx

blondebutonlyfaking · 08/04/2011 20:42

Oh Misty

Thinking of you all and will think of you on Monday.

ghislaine · 08/04/2011 20:46

Misty, I had a termination for T21 under GA - it is a very quick procedure, and you should be able to go home the same day. I think I had my bra off, I honestly can't remember. It's a day procedure so they won't put you on the labour ward. I found all the hospital staff very kind and understanding.

I did bleed for a couple of weeks afterwards, only one or two really heavy days and the rest quite light. I don't know if you'll be able to see the remains. I didn't. I think the baby won't be intact after the procedure. Do ask what will happen to the remains, the hospital should offer you some sort of funeral arrangements. This was especially important for my husband, he felt he didn't get to say goodbye to the baby so the funeral did help.

You should get information about trying again from the hospital but there's lots of conflicting advice about. I was told no sex for at least two weeks so that the cervix could close due to the infection risk. Other than that it's really when you and your partner really physically and emotionally ready.

BadRoly · 08/04/2011 20:59

Oh I am so sorry x I have no advice as no experience but am so sad you are going through this.

eavers · 08/04/2011 21:04

Misty - I am so sorry you arer having to go through this. I had a surgical termination for T21 last summer at 13+6.

I was in hospital first thing in the morning and out by 4pm, it was on a gynae ward and didn't see any pregnant patients or other patients really as was in a room by myself. The hospital staff were great, really kind and understanding.

Didn't wear a bra during the op just a gown. The bleeding was heavyish for a couple of hours but not too bad and the light bleeding lasted a week or two, not as much as a normal birth in my experience.
We started trying again after about 5 weeks, can totally understand why you are asking about that, I had a desparate need to be pregnant again.

I found the worst part was the waiting for the results, like you I had a very high risk so didn't have much hope that the CVS results would be good.

Will be thinking of you this weekend and on Monday.

pinkytheshrinky · 08/04/2011 21:09

Oh I am so sorry for you love. And wanting to try again I think is the most natural thing in the world there is no need to apologise for that. Wishing you all the very best and again I am so sorry this is happening to you - it is so unfair

Sparklies · 08/04/2011 21:52

I am so very sorry you didn't get the news you wanted. Very much thinking of you and I hope everything goes as well as it can.

ShowOfHands · 08/04/2011 22:02

Physically the procedure will be straightforward. Here you get undressed, bra and all and put on a gown (they ask you to take your own dressing gown/slippers for before and afterwards). Be prepared for them asking you to walk to the theatre. Some places don't do this, but I think that walk down the corridor can be daunting if you don't know it's coming. The staff that are in the anaesthetic room are trained to reassure you. I know the idea of a general anaesthetic is scary but it's as simple as being awake one minute and awake in recovery the next. You might find they give you a pre-op a few minutes beforehand as it will serve as a relaxant. Do not be frightened if you suddenly feel woozy or dizzy, it's normal. I think most women don't bleed as much as after birth. Heavy maybe for a day or two and then light bleeding for a couple of weeks seems to be what most people I know have experienced. Here it is all done in the day procedure unit, no visibly pregnant women. But they do have a policy of not allowing men onto the unit as a general rule but if you're anxious they will make an exception. Please ask if this is the case and you need your oh there. You should be able to go home as soon as you're feeling a little better. They will offer you some food/drink and just keep an eye on you for a little while. Very sadly, I don't think there's a chance to see the baby as the procedure won't allow it.

Just a couple of things. You will have a couple of doctors and probably the anaesthetist come round and chat to you beforehand. They will all ask if you're sure this is what you want. It's a hard question when it comes. I think that's when it's important to have your oh there if you need them. They might also give you a suppository for pain relief while you're under the GA. Nothing to worry about again, but it's just more information to take in on the day if it's a surprise. Different places also have different policies about giving you a pessary beforehand. Some places don't if you've laboured before, but some do it as routine. It's something to be prepared for too as it can cause some cramps and light bleeding before the op and it does mean you have to lie on the bed and not walk round.

I'm sorry if any of this is too much information right now. I sometimes think if you can just get through the physical bit with no surprises and do it asleep, then your mind is free to deal with the terrible grief you must be feeling. Please forgive me if I've said too much.

There are no physical reasons not to try again when you're ready. It's different for different people.

catclarks · 08/04/2011 22:19

Misty, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Look after yourself. Will be thinking of you on Monday x

jezebelle · 09/04/2011 14:40

Misty i had a ERCP at 13 weeks, not for the same reason but i wanted to assure you it was very painless, the catheters in my hand were the most painful bit. The op only lasted around 10 minutes and i left hospital within 2 hours of coming round. I had spotting for a day or so but that was it. I actually kept my bra on, and had to wear those silly pressure stockings too xx

thederkinsdame · 09/04/2011 15:26

I'm so very sorry, Misty. I'll be thinking of you on Monday and hope it goes as well as these things ever can. Look after yourself and your DH x

Original poster

misty0 · 09/04/2011 15:53

Jeeesh! This has prompted a family discusion on supossitorys! Younger members looking at me in horror .....

Thank you ladies - again - i'm so grateful for all your help and messages. showofhands thank you for all the info. I'm not a 'head in the sand' type of girl (except about what they are going to do to baby) I strongly believe that information = strength to cope! If you can think of anything else please share it ? Are you in Oxfordshire yourself? My problem is - because of the timing of this, and because my scan was at a private clinic - i havn't been able to be given any leaflets or literature for my hospital.

I would just like to say that, at the mo., i'm coping ok. Even outwardly cheerful. I'm a bit worried in fact that i should be still in bits, and that its going to hit me like a train in the hospital. Terified of loosing it and running out screaming or something. Of course i've fallen apart loads over the last couple of days at home in fromt of my lovely OH. But we've found a serenity i didnt think possible.

I'm finding huge comfort in planning our TTC. Bought maternity pads from Tesco today in case of a huge bleed - and as i picked them off the shelf i looked at my OH and said 'what i dont use next week, we'll keep till next time' - and he grinned.

eavers - you're spot on. I am desperate to be pregnant again. Even though i still am, if you know what i mean?

trickysue - bless you. You made me laugh about the socks. The reason i'm anxious about the bra thing is because by boobs are a 34G and when unfettered have a life of their own and i hate the idea of not knowing what the pair of them will be up to while i'm out cold.

cant wait for the stockings jezebelle - great xxxx

OP posts:

kirrinIsland · 09/04/2011 16:13

I had a termination at 13 weeks (anacephaly). Definitely had to take my bra off and put on the lovely stockings and gown. There was not a pregnant woman in sight, which was a relief.
You won't be able to see the baby but our hospital offered a group memorial / cremation service, though we opted out of this an made our own arrangements for a burial - we had to insist on this as the hospital wasn't keen, but they did do it.
The procedure is quick and painless. I bled afterwards but it was only heavy for a day or two and then tapered off quite quickly.
I also wanted to be pregnant again asap. My consultant said to wait 4 months but my GP said there was no need to wait at all - there doesn't seem to be a consistent opinion on that. I went for the middle ground and waited 2 months.

I didn't find the hospital literature that useful to be honest, what I've read on this thread would have been more useful.
Sorry for your loss.

jezebelle · 09/04/2011 19:47

I had a mmc at 13 weeks last June, got pg in Sept but sadly mc at 5 weeks, got pg again Oct (my 30th bday :) ) and i'm now 30 weeks and due in June, so it can and does happen fairly quickly. I was told you are fertile sooner after surgical procedure as your body is aware everything has gone so to speak, where as if its natural it can take longer.

Overreactionoftheweek · 13/04/2011 07:01

Hi Misty - I don't want to hijack your thread but I've just had a nasty 12 week scan myself. I'll have my CVS at Wexham but may have to go to the JR if it's a cardiac problem - just wanted to send you lots of support and good luck for the future x

NatzCNL · 16/04/2011 10:44

Bump x

gillianread · 27/04/2011 17:54

my baby had a 1;30 for downs and 1;5 for edwards, after a cvs at 12 weeks it was edwards had a abortion , put to sleep as i was under 13 weeks, and cos i was over 12 weeks i got to have a funeral at the public graves with a littlr heart headstone saying baby read march 2011

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