Received Amnio result - Baby has downs

[jools70]

We are devastated, just found out this afternoon that the test results came back positive for Downs Syndrome. We are considering a termination even though we had IVF and I am 39.

Jools,

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

I'm 38 and had the same positive amnio as you 7 weeks ago and also took the decision to terminate. I also had to go through a medical termination and delivered my boy. I'm not sure from your post but am assuming this would have been your first? If so, again we're the same.

From a purely 'physical' perspective the procedure is painful but that will be well managed and you will get through it - in complete honesty, physically it wasn't the horror story I had built up in my mind. Physically I am still dealing with it but that was down to errors in the hospital and not a 'normal' situation.

Emotionally it's a different story - 7 weeks down the line I am still grieving, I still cry every day and I still feel regret, although I don't know if I regret my decision or have regret over the whole situation. I don't know if I am strong enough to ever try again but that will come with time. BUT I can say that I am coping day by day and know that it will get better.

Jools be strong and be kind to yourself. You will get through this but you have very hard times ahead. Take comfort from your partner and accept any emotions you are feeling - if you need to cry then cry but don't feel bad if you find yourself laughing at something. Just take it day by day, hour by hour even!

I promise you it will ease with time.

Jools, you are very much in my thoughts. I terminated for abnormalities at 32 weeks, my little girl Rose was an ivf pregnancy too. I'm so sorry after all you went thorough to get pregnant that you are now going through this.

I hope you and your partner are getting as much real life support as possible. It?s already been said, but there is support on another thread here too

I know that this is a personal choice but can anyone tell me how much time they needed before returning to work after something like this.

When I found out our baby had DS I took that week off as I just couldn't face going in, I have been signed off for a further two weeks by my doctor. Do you think I should return to work sooner to get back to normal?

I am finding it difficult to come to terms with the loss, I feel guilty that I have not got upset about the whole thing its as though it has not happened.

Jools; honey it could well be the shock of all of this that is causing the lack of upset or tears. It does not mean you are not a kind or loving woman. It is unimaginable; your worst nightmare come true. Some people sob, some go back to work to escape their feelings. There is NO right or wrong way. I personally had about three or four weeks off as I felt so very fragile, so broken and confused. Other women have gone back after a week so that is okay too.
If you want to talk please do. If it is helpful to write it down, to process it here then do. But equally if it feels more gentle to be private and small and alone then that is okay. If you feel muddled in your head I think any doctor in the land would sign you off for longer.
It is okay not to feel teary.
This is one time in your life when you absolutely are allowed to dictate how things go.
Thinking of you and well done for posting.
Bee xxxxx

busierbee thank you for your support it means a lot, my DP and I have had some nice time together, we have cleaned the house from top to bottom I think it is just our way of dealing with this at the moment keeping ourselves very busy.
Not sure what tomorrow or next week will bring.
It has been good to post on here as I don't feel that I have anyone that really understands what we are going through, only people who have experianced this can understand the enormity of the situation.

Thank you again xx

Pleasure Jools; cleaning the house sounds like marvelous therapy to me. Baking has been a theme for some here too.
Keeping your loving connection with your DP is so vital at this time so well done to you both.
You will get through it and you can try again.
lots love
Bee xxx

Jools, Just read your thread - I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you stength and a massive cyber hug to you and your DP X

busierbee funny you mention baking, I love to cook but have not made puddings in a long time, I made an apple crumble and fresh custard yesterday and we both enjoyed that. It's weird the things that help you through.
I told DP it was so nice to have this time together just the two of us, he is going to take another week off to spend at home with me. He also said he will do anything for us to have a baby (felt like crying when he said that).
I love him to much and feel that even though this has been a horrific time for us both we have been brought even closer together.

Sorry if I am rambling on.

Off to cook Shepherds Pie for dinner now xxx

Thanks to everyone who has listened/read my posts and replied xxx

Well you sound like you two are doing amazingly well; it is an agonising but precious thing to feel so united with another person.
You will get there; you are young enough to try again and it will work.
Glad the love is flowing and shepherd's pie sounds comforting and soothing.
Hugs to you
Bee xxx