I’m not enjoying motherhood. 6.5month old

[BoyMumToBe34]

It’s been an incredible challenging 6.5months from c section infections to dealing with severe reflux and colic and baby screaming and crying and barely sleeping and my body to its limits to get through each day due to no support around me. I don’t know how I survived but I did.

Now I am just permanently on edge. I wake up exhausted and I just am on edge as baby cries a lot and generally doesn’t like being put down and even when held is unsettled. I play with him and he giggles and I get tired then he may cry or make noise. I am struggling to go toilet when I need to, brush my teeth, shower, I’m constantly worked up and sweating, I’ve just put him down for bed after an hour of crying. I just want to know how do people with little support find the time to stay sane? I’m really struggling and my self esteem is rock bottom. I feel ugly and I love my baby but I’m exhausted. I just want to be able to switch off mentally for a moment

It is so, so hard when they're so little. Do you have a partner, or are you a solo parent? Xxx

Ah, I feel your pain with the reflux and colic. They say if a first baby has reflux, they often end up as an only... I can understand why. It's 10 x more relentless than even a 'standard' baby, which is demanding enough.

If he's still got that at 6.5 months old, has he been evaluated for food intolerances/allergies?

My son had severe reflux too - couldn't be put in a car seat, pushchair, cot...everything made him cry and vomit everywhere.

Just remember: this too shall pass.

Babies grow up quickly and become little people with whole personalities. My son is 4 now and he is so much fun. When you're in the thick of it, the future feels so far away but things will change very quickly!

Reflux is the worst. Dd1 hard reflux and colic. I remember saying to dh i understood how mums could abandon their baby because if I hadn’t got the maternal bond with dd I would have wanted to walk away. She screamed non stop. Improved with solids then was better once she reached a year. We never thought we’d have another. At 3 we decided we did want a second and had twins 🤯 but they slept lots and were super chilled newborns. Dd1 is now 18 and I’ve enjoyed her since toddler stage. New born bit was not what I expected and was very lonely. People don’t want to hang with the mum and her screaming baby.

take it a day at a time, go out, be busy and get a sling. Anything that makes life easier.

Hi, my first was like this. I tried everything with him but he just cried and wouldn’t settle. Looking back, I know now that I probably made things worse. He got upset, so I got upset. I tried rocking, singing, picking him up, putting him down and so it went on.

You need time to go to the toilet, have a shower, brush your teeth etc. Put your baby down in his cot, put some music on and do those things. Even if he cries, he’s safe. He might even nod off.

The other thing I did was put my baby down and vacuum. I found cleaning soothing and the noise soothed my baby.

This time will pass.

Just to echo what others have said, it passes and you won't even notice things changing. I had CS infections for six months and my DS had severe reflux and cmpa. It felt like six months of appointments, antibiotics, vomit and crying (him and me). From experience, just do what you need to do to get by and don't get too bogged down in what you think you should be doing. I nearly tipped myself over the edge trying to get my son to nap - would he? No! I spent hours negotiating and bargaining with him when I should have just gone about my day and let him sleep in the car or pram.

If you need to talk to someone, pandas have a WhatsApp helpline and you can just message them and talk it through. They're really lovely and a really useful place if you need to vent or rationalise or a shoulder to cry on.

People don't understand how difficult reflux is unless they've had a reflux baby. I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job.

The comments above are great - but I would also just say that it is a good idea to normalize it in your mind, while you are waiting for things to improve (which they will).

Just remind yourself, that to not enjoy this is 100% normal, and there is nothing wrong with finding it hard. Being a mother isn't meant to be "fun" - and yes some people get lucky and find it so, but for most it is a job. One that has its rewarding and fun moments, but mostly its a job that we do because we must, for our children, not for us or our own happiness. So don't feel wrong or guilty or abnormal for not enjoying motherhood - just feel proud that you are doing what you should do, for your child.

The way you are feeling is understandable and I can’t imagine anyone would feel any differently in your position. My first had awful colic and I used to have anxiety all day about it starting and then the hours of crying would feel like they went on forever. I remember every day dragging with my first and dreading the weekends because mentally I still felt like I should get a ‘break’ but knowing there was no break made it feel worse. She’s 11 now and lovely, I had a second and she didn’t get colicky and I found it all so much easier. It will be ok but it’s hard right now x

Your baby sounds like my allergy babies. Calmed down a lot after we removed dairy and soya (and egg for dc2). But my god those first few months were awful. It really shook us as a couple and I think it's taken years to get over it.

I found 18months + to be wonderful.

So my advice would be to hang in there and explore the possibility of allergies. Reflux is usually a symptom of an underlying issue (allergy) rather than a cause in itself.