Postnatal depression / rage, sleep deprivation and feeling trapped by breastfeeding

[Mum1678902345]

My son is nearly 8 months and exclusively breastfed. He used to take a bottle until around 4 months where I had to be away for a full day and he suddenly started refusing it, he’s refused them all since, and we’ve tried different types of bottles, giving breastmilk and formula, sippy cups with milk, open cups with milk, straw cups with milk, and he just won’t take it. All he will do is breastfeed. And I’m tired.
he wakes multiple times in the night and I don’t think I’ve had more than a 3 hour block of sleep since he was born. I’ve been suffering recently from postpartum depression and rage and have been trying to receive professional help but keep getting referred to different services who they think can help me better but it’s been 3 months and I’ve still not had a proper session with anyone.
my son often has tummy ache and or will do a poo in the night so will wake and be up for an hour at least, so we’re not even feeding and going back to sleep.

has anyone been through anything similar and can please tell me it gets better.

i really wanted to breastfeed and really struggled with it at the start but i am starting to hate it, and wish i had just bottle fed from the start. It’s always me who is awake in the night because I’m feeding him, and i feel trapped in it now- no one else can get him to sleep on a night. the lack of sleep (and postpartum rage) is making me resent my son and husband and hate myself.

any advice/ stories to help are greatly appreciated

Oh lovely - go easy on yourself! Yes, it does get better. My now 5yo refused a bottle and solids until 11months and it nearly broke me. Had a wonderful HV but she was too old for feeding team and wait for other help was long. I kept persisting with the bottle, and one day she just accepted it - then never wanted to be bf again. You dont mention a partner or any other support? Do you have some? Lean on them if you do. When baby poos overnight, that should be on them to give you a break. Weekends say you’ll do a night feed around a certain time(s) and your partner settles them the rest of the night. I didn’t accept the help, and wish I had. Sleep makes everything so much better. Can grandparents have baby in the day at the weekend so you can nap? Prioritise your own sleep however you can, it feels better after some rest. X

Have you spoken to a GP about the tummy ache and poo in the night? I don’t remember poo overnight being as normal at that age.

I really hope you find a solution op. I can tell you that no amount of counselling will help with the sleep deprivation. It made me suicidal with both kids.

I really hope other posters can give you advice about bottle refusal and stopping night feeds.

I definitely remember a breastfeeding enthusiasm dip around this age with both kids. It will get better soon when he can eat more solids and drink more water and you can leave him for longer. You might also be surprised how well he does if you do just leave the house for a few hours now though - if they know the source of milk is not there they will often just happily eat solids and play.

You could try cutting out the night feeds, it will be a rough few nights but baby will adapt to not feeding at night. We had my husband settle the baby and swap breastfeeds for water one by one, and she got used to it pretty quickly. Alternatively you could try cosleeping so you can just feed whenever without having to actually wake up fully or get up, but if you're not enjoying breastfeeding that may not work for you, mine fed much more when we co slept than when we put them in their own room.

It absolutely gets better!

Have you had your bloods done at all? I found out I was iron and vitamin D deficient when breastfeeding. It didn't solve the postpartum depression but it certainly helped me feel less crap during the day.

For postpartum rage, which led to breastfeeding aversion for me, a lactation consultant recommended taking magnesium supplements. I have no idea if it was a placebo thing but it really did make a noticeable difference to my mood.

I also had counselling - not to cure the sleep deprivation - but to give me space to say all the terrible things I was thinking out loud with someone unrelated. They also helped me with some coping strategies for different situations.

I felt very similar just after my son was one. I used to scream into my pillow and sometimes kick the mattress when he woke up at night, which I realise makes me sound a bit crazy! But the sleep deprivation is intense.

It didn’t night wean him until 17 months because he didn’t eat solids well and I was worried he needed the calories. But when we did it was amazing - a week of several hours of crying over night when my husband resettled him, but since then he’s slept 12 hours solidly every night unless he’s ill. He also immediately started eating more solids. After night weaning him I continued feeding him in the day for a month or so longer - I just had to break the link between using milk to resettle over night.

I know your child is younger so you might feel less ready to night wean, but it might be something to consider? I have read that all babies from six months should be able to get enough calories in the day and don’t actually need to eat over night. I know it’s awful hearing your baby cry, but we felt it was better to go through that for a week then have an angry screechy teary snappy mother for goodness knows how long!