Postnatal insomnia/anxiety

[Mum231402]

Any advice for a mum who really struggles with sleep issues.
I have a 2.5 year old and 1 week old baby and the insomnia is creeping in.
For context, when my first child was around 7 weeks old I started to struggle with insomnia. I would lie there and wait for the baby to wake to feed and just couldn't sleep. The constant changes to baby sleep meant I would sometimes lie there all night, getting more vexed and upset and the next day I found parenting so hard I would be in tears about what the next night would bring in utter exhaustion. It was sometimes worse when baby slept more because I was frustrated by how I wasn't using that time to sleep.
I didnt really deal with this, I think I just suffered with the constant anxiety and bad sleep until they consistently slept better from around 18months. Even then I would go to bed at 8pm to try and get as much sleep as possible. Basically every night was a internal pressure for sleep.
Im feeling the worrying creeping back in again as every night is obviously different at the moment with a newborn and if I dont fall asleep straight away I get really anxious and then feel wide awake.
Please tell me im not alone in this? Was there anything that helped people, any thing that people found helped them when they were in the trenches? Any words of wisdom, I keep trying to say I survived it before but I want to be less anxious as this definitely my last baby and I want to get to being a fun mum with my toddler.
Im trying to write down notes to help calm me when im awake, such as just resting my eyes and body is beneficial and ive got a new book to chill me out, does anyone else have any notes I could add please? Thanks for reading, I do know a great therapist if the anxiety gets worse but I want to try and tackle it on my own and by speaking to other mums first!

I think anxiety and sleeplessness are fairly normal when you have a new baby, but it does sound like yours is a bit more than most, especially as you’re a second time mum and kinda know what to expect.

Who do you have for support? Aside from the other parent, do you have family that are pitching in to take the pressure off? I know you say you survived it before, but we shouldn’t just be surviving, parenting is hard, but it should have some enjoyable aspects, and it sounds like you’re so anxious you’re missing out on this.

You say you have a therapist, but have you spoken to your midwife/health visitor or GP? There are post natal mental health teams that you can be referred to that specialise in this kind of support, and don’t be afraid to try medication, most are fine to take if you’re breastfeeding.

I think it’s great that you’re so self-aware and have noticed the early warning signs.

I agree with the above poster, what does your support system look like? If you have a partner, the nights need to be split or alternated.

I would be having a chat with your postnatal team, they’re really helpful and it’s better to catch this early x

Hi @Ileithyia @Moen thank you for your replies!
My partner is very very supportive and helps with the toddler, house work and will sit with me during night feeds. Ive got people around me so.im very lucky.
I didnt reach out to my HV or gp last time but this i will try and see about a referral through them next week.
I just get so vexed when I dont fall asleep that I just get so wound up, then upset that it makes it even worse trying to fall asleep. I dont know how to stay calm and accept it, its almost like when it gets really bad i almost panick that this will be my life, surviving on such small amounts of sleep.
I cant remember when it got better with my son, I know it did but also I pretty much went to bed at 8pm just to give myself chance to get as much sleep as possible.
D you have an CBT tips on how to handle insomnia? How do you stay calm or how do you manage the sleepless nights? They just feel lonely when im the only one in the house awake, my partner falls asleep at the drop of a hat!
I should say I have lots of fun and love spending time with my children, its not all doom and gloom . Its just I struggle to not be anxious and emotional the day after a really bad night.

I used to listen to a hypnosis video for sleep on YouTube which helped, I’ll see if I can find it.

Some nights I just accepted I wouldn’t sleep well, but told myself as long as I was comfortable and my body was resting it was good enough. I also felt really lonely in the middle of the night so I tried to think about all the people that would be awake - night workers, hospital staff, mums with babies, fellow insomniacs. Even flicking through active threads on here reassured me that others were awake too. I hope it passes soon for you x

Hi, im not post partum but i use headspace and listen to their sleep stories. The original ones are best. I also wouldnt recommend going to bed at 8pm just to lie there stressed. I would go about 10pm and maybe have a decaf tea or unwind in that time. Try a lavender pillow spray too and an eye mask. I also agree with not going on phone an hour before bed and maybe reading a book.

Speaking to your health visitor or GP is definitely a good idea. I don’t know any CBT tips I’m afraid, but they may be able to refer you to the postnatal mental health team who can help.

It's been tough getting to sleep this last week, ive been quite anxious if I'm not asleep shortly after getting to bed but i have been trying to use your tips, so thank you all for sharing.
I know it does get better as the baby gets more of a routine but I also know its not for a very long time yet but I am getting lots of fresh air in the day which helps with the tiredness and is great for the kids!
I forgot the pressure of getting sleep before the baby wakes really amplifies the insomnia which is to be expected so early on and I do know that I will sleep after they have woken up too so I will always manage a couple of hours at least.
It's all a phase, and then you sleep better...then they become toddlers hahaha

On one hand it’s really good that you know it’s just a phase this time, and will get better, but on the other hand it’s still really hard to weather this phase. It sounds like you are less out-of-control anxious, which in itself is good.