I keep snapping at my baby

[PollyD123]

I know the title makes me sound like an awful person and trust me I feel it. Bit of info.. my partner works away during the week so it’s just me and baby during the week, I have family close by, if you can call them that. I’ve been finding the past few days really difficult and I keep snapping at her, I don’t know why because none of it is her fault, she has severe reflux and I’m changing her upto 5 times a day, again not her fault at all, she wakes through the night and has started staying away instead of settling herself like she always has.she is such a whiney baby it’s constant. I was at my mums today and as I was leaving she was sick all on herself and I just shouted for god sake and handled her a little more rough then I care to admit, my mum just said to calm down and my dad just said ‘poor kid’ as I was leaving with her. I was visibly struggling and I just feel like they dismissed it, I haven’t had a break from her other than the two hours her dad takes her out at the weekend. Does any of of this get better? Im not naive and knew this wasn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows but I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like the novelty has worn off with my family so don’t feel I have a support network. My partner is great when he is here and such a hands on dad but he too doesn’t realise everything im doing/having to do. I guess I just wanted to rant.

How old is your baby? It really sounds like you're struggling and when pressure builds up it is released somehow. You're not a bad mum, you're just stressed and tired.

I have said things I regret to my baby in the middle of the night. You're not alone. Do you attend any local groups?

To me this sounds like both your baby are struggling. It also sounds like you don't get enough sleep.

How old is your little one?
Did you get medical help for the reflux?
If medication didn"t work, is baby checked for tongue tie (by a qualified professional).

You do sound unsupported and they are constant 24/7 responsibility for mum.

2hrs off a week is nothing.

This is so hard on you, you’re parenting solo for most of the week and you’ve a baby that keeps you up at night and fusses during the day. I’m not surprised you’re stressed out. Can your parents help out at all during the week, take her for a bit so you can nap or just have a bit of time to yourself? I’ve been there, done that with a baby that constantly whines and fusses and I wasn’t doing it solo. Be kind to yourself.

Sending you love! It is so tough when they’re young, and yes, it does get better. For me, it got better after my DD turned 1. She started sleeping through more often than not, and her reflux had cleared up. Her reflux was caused by allergies, which may be something to consider (but also, lots of babies have it without allergies).

All I can say is you need more help now - even if that’s just giving baby to your parents for an hour so you can nap, or asking your DH to take her more than once on a weekend. If family isn’t an option, and you can afford it, could you hire help? Either a person or some kind of daycare/creche. I joined David Lloyd just for the crèche, and they take from 12 weeks. It just meant I could guarantee an hour off to relax, either to exercise or just sit in the cafe away from my baby!

Finally, if it does get too much, don’t be afraid to take a minute for yourself. Sometimes, I would put baby in the cot, just so she was safe while I had a minute or two to breathe. Yes, she screamed, but I needed it!

And, randomly, I recommend noise cancelling headphones. They made witching hour tolerable (if still not enjoyable). Of course not to be used if you aren’t with them, but when I was spending hours cuddling a baby who wouldn’t stop screaming (and I knew she was safe since I was literally there), I used them. I didn’t even listen to music, it just dampened the noise.

She’s 4 months now. She does have medication for the reflux, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. My partner is in the army and in the near future we will be moving near to him so I know that will take such a load off me. My parents are some what elderly and they are foster carers, I don’t feel like I can ask them to have her just so I can nap as I’ve been told in the past ‘she’s your baby’ and to
essentially just get on with it. they have had her the odd time I have asked but I feel like I’m burdening them. Baby is in bed now and I’m
just crying at how awful I’ve been to her.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP, I do think it sounds like you’re probably tired and overwhelmed and really lacking the support network you would need to just get a few hours uninterrupted sleep, or even have a few hours just lying on the sofa doing nothing. Do you have any friends who could help out? I know in my friendship group we have all helped each other out at some point when someone just needed a few hours to reset, it can honestly make all the difference.

It is really hard but none of it sounds unusual to me. Lots of people have needy babies and no time off. If EBF there’s no time off to be had even if the dad is at home, in the early days.
Speak to your GP or postnatal services about PND. And also your family, tell them that you would appreciate some more involved help if they can. Sometimes people back off when there’s a new baby as they think mum wants space with baby or she doesn’t want people being overbearing. It’s not always easy to know when to step in and when to back off, it’s ok to ask for help. Hope you get some.

Oh see I disagree with this in part- you can absolutely still get pockets of peace while EBF. I EBF my daughter and currently doing the same with my son, yes I’m the one who has to feed him but he isn’t on the boob 24/7, he’s only 9 weeks old but does go 2 hours ish between feeds a lot of the time so my husband is able to send me upstairs/to bed/to watch TV or I can pop out for a walk or coffee etc in peace, come back to feed. Doing it all alone constantly every day would be really relentless.

Totally agree with asking for help though, whatever form that takes.

4m can be grim, witching hour and wide awake at 2am till 6am. Can they try another medication?

Write today off. It’s very unhelpful of your parents, I let my niece sleep on me so her mum could sleep she hated sleeping in a cot during the day.