I know it’s early and just the baby blues but is this normal

[Wildwelshcob92]

I gave birth 4 days ago although on paper probably not a dream labour I didn’t mind it at all and actually said I missed it I was on a lot of drugs ended up forceps delivery and episiotomy after what was a high risk pregnancy due to a heart condition I have
all has been fine until yesterday when we visited my family home and something switched
we came home and I just broke down completely and had to go upstairs to sob .. I called my mum and just broke down to her that I just wanted to stay and the thought of coming back to our house and not staying at hers gave me anxiety the whole way home
she advised I speak to my partner but this is so normal and she’s only down the road
I came down and broke down to him and he was so understanding.. my mum then rang him as she’s worried
its my first baby and I’m on a learning curve
baby does not sleep unless held so we’re doing shifts
My partner is incredibly supportive. As is all my family
I have a history of depression and anxiety and have unfortunately In the past made two attempts to end my life thought this was a good few years ago
i currently cannot eat makes me feel ill and I have no appetite and I also have a history of eating disorders
im just worried that these baby blues are gonna manifest into post natal depression
all I can’t think about it packing all our things up and moving to my family home (which is an option)
iv spent about 20mins today where I haven’t been crying
the house we live in was a quick rent due to finding out we were having a baby but I have struggled to ever have it quite feel like home ..
I love my baby and Iv never felt anything quite like it she’s just my world .. I just want my mum

I didn't want to read and run OP, sending you a massive hug. 4 days in is such early early days, crying at everything is absolutely normal! Your whole world has just turned upside down and you might be feeling like you're never ever going to come out of this fog. But you will, I promise. You will find your way and it WILL get easier.

My new baby is now 11 days old and he doesn't sleep either unless he's on me or DH, but honestly I feel so so much better from a week ago when I couldn't do anything without sobbing.

Sounds like you have a wonderful support system in place. Keep talking to your mum and DH about how you're feeling. I think the advice is that if you still feel very low 2 weeks post birth to speak to your GP.

Can you go and spend a few days at your mum's house and see how you feel? Wanting your mum is totally normal and fine. We were in a tiny rented flat when I had my first baby with no space for anyone to stay over and I remember sobbing when my mum went home in those early days. If you'd feel better just from being in the same house with her then can you do that for a bit?

Ahh you poor thing. Accept that your baby won't sleep unless held - you'll waste so much time trying to persuade them to and they'll just wake up. Sounds like you've got the hang of sleeping in shifts which is great. If you are breastfeeding you can also put your mattress on the floor away from the wall and feed lying down (following guidance from the lullaby trust about safe bed sharing) so that you get more sleep too.

With your history, I would be getting in touch with your midwife and asking to be put in touch with the mental health team. The timing is absolutely classic for baby blues, but if there is a bit more going on then the earlier you get extra support the better you will feel. X

I'm sure 4/5 days in there'd a hormonal shift which brings these emotions. I remember crying my eyes out at a 5 day check up

I would just keep an eye on it. Whilst being emotional is very normal after giving birth, given your history you may be more susceptible to PND.

Each time I've given birth I've been extremely emotional and tearful, crying multiple times a day but honestly who wouldn't, your body and mind have been through a lot, you are likely sleep deprived and your hormones will be all over the place. This is your first baby as well, it's such a huge adjustment.

Maybe see how you feel after a couple of weeks. Its good that you have a supportive husband.

Yes, I found out recently that by day 4 your oestrogen has dropped from the highest it will ever be to essentially zero.

The prolactin that has made your milk come in suppresses oestrogen production.

It’s this huge shift that is making you feel awful.

I remember on her podcast the menopause doctor Louise Newson talks about it, and about how giving new mothers a bit of oestradiol to buffer this huge drop would be helpful, but there are no guidelines for this.

I hope you feel better soon, OP. This time is HARD.

Thank you guys

I have the midwife today (Xmas day) so I will speak to her .. we are at my mums all day too which is good
Best gift however is baby girl slept in her next to me for all night I actually woke her for a feed (my partner managed to get his 8hours and I should have slept but I don’t know if I was just in pure shock she slept after screaming blue murder the past times we put her in there or what but I just drifted in and out of sleep but still its like I got a little boost

my milk came in 2 days ago too so that probs effected me too i desperately wanted to breastfeed or combination feed but we have had some nipple teat confusion but she has had good feeds of me when she was born and the day after and I’m not gonna stresss myself that if she prefers the bottle of formula then that’s absolutely fine
thank you all for your kind kind comments

its such a wonderful time but I don’t think anyone actually mentions this side of things or tbh I probably just ignored them to look at all the positives ..like life would be cute outfits coffee dates and walks in the park

again a thank you for your replies I feel so much less alone

So glad you've had a better night. If breastfeeding is important to you don't give up just yet - remember she is learning how to do it as well as you. I'd contact the la Leche league for advice and see a proper IBCLC breastfeeding advisor as soon as you can for detailed advice as often midwife advice is a bit hit and miss. That's only if you want to do it though - no pressure if bottles are working for you both c

i keep rereading this post and wanting to update but not knowing what to say
im now currently lying in bed feeding my beautiful little girl before she goes to bed.
reading that post is so hard for me .. the blues got worse and unfortunately at one point I had a huge anxiety attack and left my partner and baby while I raced to my mums ( I still don’t remember the drive there) I broke down and we contacted my midwife. I was just in a state of panic all the time like I couldn’t turn off the fight or flight mode. Eventually my brain calmed. Baby girl is 4months old at the end of April. She’s so happy and smiley and meeting all her milestones. I feel sad that I lost a few weeks of my newborn bubble to how I felt but I just wanted to let anyone who feels this know there is support please always ask for it. My inbox is always open. I used to think how will I ever do anything with her or the thought of going outside would send me into panic .. we spent a lot of time just me and her and it’s all become second nature. my partner still can’t change a nappy as quick as me 🤣 don’t get me wrong not everyday is rosy and some days the only thing Iv managed to do is brush my teeth in between a tiny human having a meltdown.
in regards to the house we are moving back to my family home, nothing to do with how I felt but we have the opportunity to save for our own home a lot quicker than we do renting and it’s gone to not feeling like home to me feeling sad we are leaving our first family home.
but yeah it does get better but please always speak to someone 🩷