I can't see the point anymore

[Whyjustwhy83]

I'm unhappy, depressed in pain all the time I'm not able to sleep much anymore and always exhausted. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and wish I wasn't, I don't want to be here anymore. I can't cope with the 2 I already have I can't add more. I have no family support, my partner causes nothing but more work for me. He's going back to the office tomorrow/ today if he doesn't he'll lose his job. We will be £150 down each month that's just for travel costs let alone how much he wastes on food/drink. He'll also have 15hrs travel so he'll be gone 60hrs a week for minimum wage job. I'm going to struggle in the mornings when he leaves early sorting the kids and walking older to school, my stomach cramps when I'm walking to point I'm almost crying in pain no body to help, bus not an option as I have a pram with younger one. Send school no one to help take him I can't stand long so no option to leave early. I'm responsible for all financials, cooking cleaning, laundry,, shopping and planning. I spend all my time through the week with 2 children older goes to bed after 10 lots of screaming and dealing with threats of violence/ sometimes violent. Constantly harassing and pushing about brother I spend my time refereeing and stopping him hurting younger one. Weekend cleaning and looking after younger one. In a 2 bedroom house we'll be 4 in one bedroom as older child can't share. I can't afford to move as it will be all on me. Partner gives me about £800/900 a month the rest he blows in a couple of weeks, nearly all on himself for tabs vape, drink gaming.I end up having to fund him for bus fares or going out if we do anything with the kids. I'm falling and he's the only person I have and he won't change. My mam is dead, no siblings all dead on my mam's side, no one bothers from my dad's side including him and he was violent growing up. . older child has his dad he goes at the weekend but he's no real help other then 30 hrs I get a break at least from the noise and demands. I just want to be gone

Hello, I’m here. Just typing a reply.

This all sounds incredibly tough. How old are your two? It’s the older one with the Send?

Have you spoken to your midwife about the cramping when you walk?

I’m sorry your partner is spending money on crap when money is so tight.

Is there anyone in real life you could talk to? Your local health visitor for example, or a friend? If not, you do have us.

That sounds incredibly hard. It will be a tough decision, but you could look into adoption for the new baby.

What happens when you talk to your partner about his spending?

Why on earth are you having another human being with this ‘partner’ you clearly think is a shit dad

@Dolphinnoises thank you for replying, yes it's my older child with send. I talked to one at the antenatal clinic I think it's due to placenta praevia. I've a scan next week and I'll mention it again. I'm supposed to be taking it easy hahahaha, likely this is the first chance I've had to rest and sit today. No one other then my partner, as it's my 3rd the midwife hasn't really bothered, I've only seen her once, hv is coming next week to do 2yr check on my youngest. I haven't seen her in a year but she was lovely last time.

@Justlostmybagel Thanks for replying, I'm not sure I could go through an adoption and my partner would never agree. He says he understands and apologies and then does the same again, I feel like a broken record tbh

@mrssunshinexxx Not helpful but short answer, failed contraceptive and I couldn't go through with the abortion I'd booked in for.