Husband shows no interest in me sexually or intimately. I’m due to give birth in 2 days. Feel lonely and ugly and unwanted and have done for a long time. It’s meant to be a special time but he pays me no compliments and never hugs or kisses me.

[BoyMumToBe34]

I’ve tried talking to him about it so many times. Sometimes he will fake it but weeks go by and no hugs. I just want to feel loved. I hope me having my first baby will bring me some comfort and I will stop caring about craving his love and attention

Was he like that pre pregnancy?
If so, he's unlikely to change.. Be soo proud of your body, what it's doing right now. I too recently gave birth and am in awe of what my body did and is doing - breastfeeding. Focus on your baby when they arrive and your recovery, you are their everything and hopefully your partner supports your recovery and gets fully engaged with looking after the baby. Otherwise, rethink what function is he serving in your family unit ?

I'm so sorry you feel this way OP. If it helps, I felt the same during pregnancy, my partner was so unsupportive and clearly not attracted to me. But one wonderful positive of having a baby is you'll have constant cuddles with your baby. And a few months later, when your baby pauses during feeding to give you a huge grin, completely melts your heart. And also later on, when your baby catches your eye and gives you a huge grin like they're just delighted that you are there. The unconditional innocent love you have with your baby just makes all other loves pale in comparison, you're nearly there too :)

Thank you for these comments, I am very tearful as I read them. I don’t have anyone to talk to, especially at this time. So thank you for replying.

Congratulations on your baby OP ❤️ The hugs I have no advice about as I’m not a huggy person, but the lack of intimacy I can comment on as I’ve been there and it absolutely wasn’t anything to do with my DH not fancying me. We’ve spoken about it openly since and he admitted that he was just petrified about the baby, and also whether I would even want to. My postpartum (and shortly after, post cancer) body has not put him off, so I believe him. Talk to your DH. If you can’t talk about this, you are going to find parenting quite hard, so I suggest you get it out in the open. All the best xxx

Oh dear try not to feel sad. My dh was like this. Let’s just say, things didn’t improve after he had watched the 36-hour horror show that led up to a baby emerging from my vagina! I think some men are traumatised by pregnancy and childbirth. I can see why men were denied access to birthing rooms in the old days!

Anyway talking to him may not help because he may find it hard to articulate his feeling that “there is a child in the room”. My dh later told me he was grossed out by the baby moving, he definitely didn’t want to put his penis anywhere near his unborn child and he didn’t want to hurt me or his baby so definitely no sex. Not attracted to me, didn’t want to “encourage me” with hugs and didn’t want to kiss me for same reason he wouldn’t kiss any woman he’s not attracted to. I wish he’d been honest at the time but in my hormonal state I’d probably have lashed out.

By the way he thought I was disgusting for considering sex when the baby was “right there next to us”. And I guess he is entitled to feel that way.

We had the baby sleeping in the same bedroom as us for six months so you can guess what happened next …. No sex because there’s a baby in the room! And then when baby went to her own nursery … no sex because we might wake the baby!

Basically he didn’t fancy me at all after he got me pregnant. It doesn’t really seem fair does it!

You are currently very hormonal but my advice is don’t take this to heart, don’t expect things to magically improve when the baby arrives (they might or they might not). You may now be in the “mum” zone, not the “sexy partner who I love and want to procreate with” zone.

Wow, I'm sorry. He sounds awful! Are you still together ?

OP you’re about to start the ride of your life, there will be the highest of highs and the occasional lowest of lows and I wish so so much I was in your shoes. My DP was the same, but when out first baby was born and he cried with joy I realised he was just so anxious about the birth and about everything that could go wrong. Sending you so many good, good wishes.

I think everyone feels this way during pregnancy. I feel like you see all the films and programs where it’s all rosy and nice. But in reality it’s just not like that at all. Partners feel scared to hurt the baby or grossed out by the thought of touching it (they all think it’s that big that it’ll touch the baby 😂🤦🏼‍♀️) I had the same feeling. I’m now 10 weeks postpartum so remember the feeling very well!

I believe it does get better. I just would suggest being very honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel and say you don’t feel loved or sexy anymore and want reassurance that he still wants you.
I did this and it turns out that it was all in my head and he loved my pregnancy look and now misses my bump 🥰 (which I actually do too)
Unfortunately men just don’t know how to deal with pregnant women! I feel they forget we are very hormonal and constantly overthink everything!
Im sure it’ll all work out though. Just try being honest with him and tell him exactly how you’re feeling. You never know he might surprise you like mine did with me.

Also best of luck on your babies arrival! It’s the best journey but is also hard work! People don’t always say how difficult it can be so just want to be real it is hard but also the best at the same time especially when you start to get smiles and babbles 🥰