Feel so alone

[JustGoldEagle]

I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant with twins, conceived by IVF. It was a single embryo transfer so was a shock. I struggled emotionally and physically with the IVF process, feeling like my body didn’t belong to me anymore, and it’s got worse during the pregnancy. I now don’t even know if I want to be a mum, I’m hating everything about pregnancy but these feelings are making me feel incredibly guilty for everyone who would do anything to be in my position. I don’t feel connected to the babies in any way, but everyone around me is happy and excited and pretending I am too is exhausting. I know I should seek support via mental health services, but as a social worker I’m scared that this will lead to a referral to social care. I just don’t know what to do and feel so alone and like the worst person in the world

It probably would help if you asked your midwife what's available for you. Someone to talk to. Or maybe find some twin groups on whatever SM platform you're on. Speak to other twin parents.

I think it's quite common to feel a bit invaded during pregnancy. Your body is in full steam ahead growing humans.

If it helps my last pregnancy I pretty much sulked all the way though. Had to be forced to prepare for him. It was fine once he was here. It wasnt twins though.

I've been through multiple rounds of IVF, it's traumatic. Add in getting the surprise pf having to love and care for twins when you only expected one...that's a lot to deal with. I really recommend counselling. You can always pay for private if you don't want your midwife to know. But you do need to do something x

Awwww OP im sorry you’re feeling like this. Sending a BIG hug.

I have twins (17 months old), also conceived via ivf. During pregnancy i had recurrent feelings of absolute terror- i felt utterly terrified and completely overwhelmed. Several times i really did think “WHY did we do this?!”

Since they arrived ive never once thought that. They have the most wonderful relationship; they utterly ADORE each other and i feel so privileged to watch their bond grow as they do. (Plus if im honest the idea of twins was definitely worse that the reality ! 😜)

I have found our local twin community absolutely invaluable though- all the way through pregnancy, birth and since the girls arrived. Have a look at Twins Trust website and find your local group. You could also consider joining the Twins Trust pregnancy page: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/14NsLg4xqca/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Lastly, please go easy on yourself; twin pregnancy is a LOT emotionally!