Antidepressants forever??

[JustTTC]

I was prescribed Citalopram 10wks pp on twins, main symptom I noticed and visited the gp for was rage towards dh, who by the way was amazing with the twins, and the logical side of my brain told me those feelings weren’t normal.
Anyway the gp seen alot of other ppd signs, which I thought were a normal part of early motherhood, and having twins made me so tired i thought it was also just sleep deprivation.
My twins have just turned 2, and im still on meds. However sometimes i miss a couple of days, mostly because I forget to collect my prescription. When this happens, my intrusive negative thoughts, self criticism, low self worth, feeling like im not good enough for everything, work, hubby, kids, friends, hits like a freight train. I cant sleep, im anxious and irritable, i cry constantly and easily, and I realise that i had alot of those feelings prior to even becoming pregnant and possibly needed antidepressants for MANY years without realising.
It makes me feel like it will never be possible for me to stop taking antidepressants, like il be relying on them for the rest of my life.
This worries me so much, but should I just accept the fact that this could be the case?
Is it really such a big deal to be on them permanently?
In my opinion, There is still a big taboo around antidepressants and depression per-say, im open about it as i believe it helped me heal, but honestly I dont want to be on them forever. Opinions?

NB They are also a big libido killer which is a major con!!

There is absolutely no shame in taking anti depressants, and the fact that when you miss a dose, you feel a lot of negativity returning, sounds like it’s really important to keep taking them.
I’ve been on and off, but now permanently on ADs most of my adult life. My three high achieving young adult children are also on ADs for depression/anxiety. None of them feel the slightest sense of shame or desire to come off them because they are seen as “a bad thing”.
Re libido, I would speak to your Gp. Generally the loss of libido is a relatively short term side effect, but there may be other options to explore. Also I’m sure having 2 year old twins is pretty exhausting!
It’s not very well known, but viagara works incredibly well for women also to achieve orgasm - and it’s available over the counter.

@KittytheHare thank you, my mother has also been on ad’s for the majority of her adult life.
Maybe i feel like there’s taboo because i am so open and transparent about it, i suppose what im sensing as judgment, is possibly just shock from people at the fact that I am so open about postnatal etc.
they are quite literally a life saver, I would never stop them permanently without speaking with my gp. For my childrens sake, I need to be in my right mind.
I did not know that, thanks for the info 😃

Honestly, I think we should just be grateful they exist and we are able to live happy and healthy lives because of them. You sound like you’re doing really well, and like you I make no secret of the fact that i take medication for anxiety and depression. The fact that your mother is on them also, could indicate a familial disposition towards depression. That’s certainly the case with me, and all the more reason to keep taking them.