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Antenatal/postnatal depression

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Really worried about 3 weeks old baby with severe reflux and my own mental state

19 replies

Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:28

Hello,
Just was hoping to share my feelings and wanted to hear from other parents/carers with similar issues. I just feel so down and hopeless. I will try to keep this brief. I have already spoken to health visitor and my GP.
I have a daughter who is 8 years old and she has autism. She is verbal and quite independent, but does struggle with behavior and emotions. I had a baby who will be turning 4 weeks old this week. She was born via C-section as I had a low lying posterior placenta.
As soon as she was born via C-section her oxygen levels were low and she has mucus. she was taken to special neonatal ward and I did not hold her for 6 days. She had pneuthorax of the right lung. After speaking to 3 consultants they all said the latest X-ray is fine and the small leak has resolved and she can go home.
The newborn baby stage is very hard and I am clearly struggling with looking after the newborn baby. My older daughter feels left out as I am unable to spend much time with her. The baby has projectile vomited twice a few days back I went to A&E due to her previous history and they measured her oxygen levels said she is fine and only to come back if she is projectile vomiting every feed/ fewer wet nappies etc.
However, it does seem she has really bad reflux or something going on she is coughing after feeding or when waking up from a nap after 2 hours since the last feed she will gag and she does bring out thick mucus milk. She will swallow and look in pain. I can hear fluid in her throat. I keep her upright for 20 minutes every feed before laying her down in her cot, but she will vomit once or twice a day.
When burping her she will bring up a lot of milk in her mouth quite forcefully as soon as she has burped. She is pooping after 2 days whereas before she was pooping quite often. I been told this is normal with formula fed babies as her digestion system is settling she may not poop every day. However, when passing out wind she cries and is quite obvious from her face that she is in pain.
I am awake at the moment I can't fall asleep as i am worried she will projectile vomit in her sleep and so my husband is in the same room with the baby. I am with my older daughter in the other room. I do the nappy changing and feeds. I have asked my mum who lives close by and she is in good health to help me out as I am really struggling on my own l, husband has gone back to work. Baby is not sleeping well during the night and is waking up quite often and is feeding small amounts as she falls asleep when on my shoulder. I am burping her during the feed but this upsets her and it's very difficult to understand or guess when she is full or when she needs to burp. I am gently rubbing her back and keeping her upright as being quite adamant with the burping causes her to projectile vomit the milk. It's been more than 8 years since my last pregnancy which was also very difficult as my older daughter had very bad reflux and lost a lot of weight and was dehydrated I was in and out of A&E, when turned 4 months and she was able to hold her neck up things slightly improved. I do suffer from severe anxiety and since having the baby it has become so bad I keep thinking she has really bad reflux or stenosis. I am not able to sleep in the same room with her most of the time as I am terrified she will vomit and it looks really scary when it happens as she chokes and coughs. It's like I have gone backwards as this reminding me of my older daughter and I am just so sad and feel trapped as I am unable to eat or do anything as the baby wakes up randomly and is quite unsettled. She doesn't like the dummy and is quite small to be in a bouncer or mamroo swing. I am hoping this time passes quick and when she is 3/4 months old hopefully things will improve. However, my mind is telling me that it could last longer, she may have a serious allergy, stenosis or severe reflux. My husband is helping me, but has to go work and I feel so lonely and terrified to be home alone with my lovely baby even feeding her I am terrified. She is formula fed with cow and gate first ready made milk. Just feels like I am trapped and that this is how my life is going to be with the constant feeding issues and crying. I have been crying on and off every day.

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Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:32

It's now 11:31pm and I am unable to to sleep and I am dreading the next feed. I am trying my best but every time I need to burp her I feel scared she will vomit.

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Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:34

I love my baby, but I am so upset with this stage and I just realized how hard this is mentally and physically. I just want her to be 10 months old where she is older and is having solid foods

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MyCatPrefersPeaches · 20/10/2025 23:39

I couldn’t read and run, this sounds so stressful. I also have a DC with autism and a younger DC who had dreadful reflux. Is she gaining weight as she should be? (Apologies if I missed that in your OP.) Nobody was interested in my DC’s reflux as he drank so much he was still gaining weight despite vomiting bucketloads multiple times a day. In our case it got a lot better once he was on solids but appreciate that is a long way off. We ended up co-sleeping with his head propped in the crook of my arm as it was the only way I could get any sleep and he wouldn’t be put down flat. I appreciate this is a personal choice and probably not recommended for a baby who’s been in special care.

Does your health visitor know how much this is affecting you mentally? Are your DH and DM able to hold baby for you so you can sleep a bit? I found my mental health really spiralled when sleep deprived.

Has the GP suggested any reflux meds?

Overthinkeralways · 20/10/2025 23:41

I just wanted to say you are not alone. I’ve a 6 week old with reflux and it’s very difficult. It gets me down too. I would suggest going back to the GP. I’ve been a few times. My little one is on infant gaviscon. The pharmacist told me to give her less than the doctor prescribed as it can cause constipation. She’s been on it about 4 weeks now and it does seem to have helped. She does bring up milk during or after feeds still but it’s rarely a big amount.

Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:45

@MyCatPrefersPeaches
Thank you for your message and support. Baby lost weight initially, but has since gained weight she was last weighed twice last week she has regained her weight and is above her birth weight. However, things have gone a lot worse in the past 3 days or so, so I am not sure about her weight, but definitely know if she continues to have very small feeds and not finishing her feeds and vomiting this could likely lead to weight loss. I was in A&E a few days back, but doctors are not worried and said it could be reflux. Gp has not given any medication at the moment. Her struggling with passing out wind has been quite bad today only. I have asked my mum to come over tomorrow to help.
But believe me I am unable to do anything when baby is awake she is constantly hungry and then is very sleepy.

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Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:50

@Overthinkeralways
I will go back to the gp as I am really worried. I find it very difficult to bond with the baby and feel like I am letting her down which I know is not the case. My mum and husband are helping me, but will say I need to have a lot of will power and I shouldn't feel this way and that I should not be tried or complain etc. My feelings are not being understood most of the time

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Sclev · 20/10/2025 23:56

I feel for you momma. My son was like this. He had Pyloric Stenosis it was inherited from me unfortunately, runs in my family. More common in Boys but girls can get it too.

https://www.google.com/search?q=pyloric+stenosis&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

it sounds very similar to my sons symptoms at that age. Suggest it and Push for a test! My son lost weight as couldn’t keep any feeds down in the end.

I hope you get sone respite soon 🫶🏼

Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:57

Went to check on her, husband said baby is fine. I will need to gently wake her around 1am for her feed and nappy change.

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Bighugs88 · 21/10/2025 00:00

@Sclev
Thank u for your message. I hope your boy is doing fine now. I did mention to the pediatrician in A&E a few days back about the possibility of stenosis, but she was very dismissive and I have spoken to the health visitor she said if symptoms presist to go back to A&E. I am slightly aware that an ultrasound scan can rule out stenosis, but the doctors where not interested.

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Hysterectomynext · 21/10/2025 00:03

I hope your mum can come and help you. If you were my daughter I’d be there immediately.
it’s very hard and you’re doing well. This stage will pass quickly.
I don’t know if you’d find it useful but you could get a volunteer from Homestart charity to spend a couple of hours with you every week. Just gives you a bit of companionship and someone to offload to.
You’re exhausted and it’s no surprise. But you’re doing brilliantly. If your baby needs further medical attention you will make sure she gets it. You’re attuned to her and her needs.
i hope you get a bit of sleep tonight because the exhaustion makes everything so much worse. Best of luck that tomorrow is an easier day for you.

Bighugs88 · 21/10/2025 00:10

@Hysterectomynext
Thank you so much for your support and kind words. My mum just wants me to carry on and not really complain 😭 but you are right it's damn so difficult and when they are so young u are trying to follow cues, but everything at the moment is guess work with the feeding, burping etc.
My mum is here she lives very close by 15 mins walking distance and my husband is willing to collect and drop her as well. But it seems she doesn't really want to help and I know I can't really force her either, but I don't know if she is expecting me to have a complete breakdown for her to know that I need her support and even the extra moral support means a lot right now. Having the extra person I am able to quickly do things like change my clothes and eat etc. today I was unable to eat properly, unable to change my clothes and do anything in the house.

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Sclev · 21/10/2025 00:13

@Bighugs88
i got dismissed by 3 doctors- palmed me off with reflux I tried every formula. Every trick, remedy and different ways of feeding and winding etc. my son was very lethargic and weak slept a lot and went back down to birth weight at 5 weeks old. Was so scary. Was my second trip to a&e they finally listened. He had a small operation was in for a week but was like a switch. It was amazing afterwards. Just keep trying. I know it’s so hard especially lack of sleep.
it’s good you’ve got support around you.

Thank you. My son is 7 now and perfectly normal.

sleepwouldbenice · 21/10/2025 00:15

I couldn’t read and run. My daughters are adults now. But I remember the sheer devastating impact of a lack of sleep, crying, wind, the eternal cycle…

reach out for help. Repeatedly if need be. You are doing nothing wrong. Everyone would feel the same way in these circumstances. It’s overwhelming.

Bighugs88 · 21/10/2025 00:26

@sleepwouldbenice
Thank you for your support. I will reach out and ask for help. My mum has said she will come over todat, but I will ask her again today in the morning as a polite reminder.
You are right I completely forgot about this stage and I was well passed this as my older daughter is now 8 years old. It's just like my life has gone on hold and I have become quite irritable, hopeless and feel like a failure etc.its difficult for my immediate family to understand. They think I have some super power to understand what my baby needs or wants, but I completely guessing and most of the time it's not working. She will vomit or bring up a lot of milk straight away even when being held upright and following a burp and then there has been many occasions when after 2 hours have passed and she is coughing and gagging which looks very scary. She does not seem interested in her feeds today 😔 hoping for a better day. But if I see things are not changing and this is happening everyday I will go back to A&E.

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littleorangefox · 21/10/2025 10:11

Bighugs88 · 20/10/2025 23:57

Went to check on her, husband said baby is fine. I will need to gently wake her around 1am for her feed and nappy change.

This all sounds exhausting. I've had 4 babies all with reflux and cow's milk protein allergy.

Sorry if I missed you already saying this but what is her feeding schedule? Just because you mentioned waking her for a feed. How often are you feeding her and how much milk?

Bighugs88 · 22/10/2025 06:39

@littleorangefox she takes around 60-70 ml every 3 hours. However, most of the time she doesn't finish her feeds and will be hungry again within 2 hours.
She will drink to fast as well, the teats have a single hole and were used by the nurse/midwife when baby was in special unit at the hospital.

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Bighugs88 · 22/10/2025 06:54

Update: I am staying over at my mum's place as baby was crying and refusing feed even though she was hungry. It seemed she had trapped wind as her abdomen was slightly swollen. When reaching my mum's place yesterday evening baby woke up for a feed and when I was changing her nappy she passed out a lot of wind so this may have been the issue as teats have not been changed and her tongue is ok.
However, since she has been born she has jerky movements I was told this is normal for a newborn as their nervous and digestive systems are still developing. However, throughout the day she will roll her eyes back, her limbs randomly twitch this can be her leg or arms. When feeding her she makes a sound which is lip smacking. The twitching and jerky movements have not eased and they are scary when she twitches she scrunches her knees up and bobs her head. I will need to contact the GP and get seen. The main issues are her feeding/digestion and also all the twitching and eyes rolling she is 4 weeks old I am really worried about spasms and epilepsy this is classed as urgent.
Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Thank you from a very stressful mum.

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Bighugs88 · 22/10/2025 07:00

My older daughter when she was a baby I know it's a long time ago she never had ongoing twitching of the limbs, she use to roll her eyes vack, but this stopped when she was 3 weeks old. My older daughter was more alert and active in between feeds.
Seems like this baby is very sleepy and will jerk and startle throughout the day.

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Bighugs88 · 22/10/2025 07:03

Please Anyone?
Really worried for the baby.

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