Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice and to see if anyone can relate to what I’ve been going through.
Nine months ago, I gave birth to my beautiful little girl. Becoming a mum has been the most incredible experience, but it’s also been overwhelming in ways I never really expected. I love my daughter more than anything, but since my periods have returned, I’ve noticed a lot of changes in my body and my emotions that are starting to feel like too much to handle.
Physically, one of the first things I noticed was during ovulation. I often get a dull ache and cramping on my left side, and it’s uncomfortable enough that it distracts me from daily life. Around the same time, I bloat badly and feel as though I’ve suddenly gained weight overnight. My cravings are really intense and I struggle to eat well because I also feel nauseous. It’s frustrating because I want to take care of myself and eat properly, but my body seems to have other ideas.
Before pregnancy, my periods were never very regular. Sometimes they were light, other times heavy, and I just learned to live with it. Since giving birth, my cycle is still irregular, but my periods now range from medium to heavy and can be quite draining. I can usually cope with the physical side of it, but what’s been hitting me the hardest is how much my moods have changed.
The mood swings are something I just don’t feel in control of. Some days, I’ll suddenly burst into tears and not even know why. Other times, I feel angry or short-tempered over the smallest things, and then that anger quickly turns into guilt and sadness. I find myself being really hard on myself I hate how my body looks and feels, and I feel so easily irritated by things that never used to bother me.
What hurts me the most is how this affects my relationship with my fiancé. I love him dearly, but when I’m in these moods, I snap at him or even shout, which makes me feel awful afterwards. He doesn’t deserve it, and I hate that my frustration sometimes gets taken out on him. The guilt of that weighs so heavily on me. I don’t want him to feel unloved, because he means so much to me, and he’s an amazing dad. I also worry about how my moods might affect our daughter as she grows. I adore her more than words can say, and I don’t want her to ever feel the impact of something I can’t control.
As my period gets closer, I feel like I become a completely different person. It’s like I’m trapped in a cycle that I can’t escape from. I can see myself being irritable and snappy, and I know deep down that it isn’t really me, but in that moment it feels impossible to stop it. Afterwards, when things calm down, I feel drained and ashamed. It’s exhausting to keep going through this every month, and it’s really starting to affect my mental health.
I often wonder if this is just part of “normal” postpartum changes, or if there’s something more going on, like hormonal imbalances or even something like PMDD. But then I second-guess myself and wonder if I’m just being dramatic. That inner battle between knowing something feels wrong and doubting myself makes me feel even more lost.
I think what I find most difficult is the loss of control. Before becoming a mum, I didn’t always have regular periods, but my moods never felt this extreme. Now, it’s like I don’t recognise myself for half of the month. I’m either bloated, in pain, or caught up in a whirlwind of emotions I can’t manage. The rest of the time, I’m trying to pick myself back up and feel normal again before the cycle repeats.
On top of that, there’s the pressure of being a good mum. I want to be the best version of myself for my daughter, but when I’m overwhelmed, angry, or in tears, I feel like I’m failing her. The love I have for her is so strong, and that’s what makes it harder I don’t want her early years to be coloured by me struggling. I also feel guilty towards my fiancé, who supports us but has to put up with my ups and downs. It makes me feel like I’m letting down the two people I love the most.
I try to remind myself that I’m doing my best, but it’s hard when the feelings are so intense. I don’t want to keep living in this cycle of pain, guilt, and self-hate every month. It’s draining mentally, emotionally, and physically. I know deep down that I need to find a way to manage it, but right now, I just feel stuck and unsure where to turn.
That’s why I’m reaching out here. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is something other mums go through, or if it’s something more that I should seek medical advice for. I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar, whether it’s changes after giving birth, struggles with moods around your cycle, or just feeling like you don’t recognise yourself anymore. Even just knowing I’m not alone in this would mean so much.