I'm sorry if this long, I just need to vent it with someone.
My DD , 6 mos, is amazing, clever, determined, energetic, a real sweetheart. She is EBF, won't take a bottle, uninterested in solids so is very much attached to the breast. I truly love her so please no judgement, I am truly trying my best.
For the past couple of weeks I feel so lethargic and exhausted and a little bit detached. Shes so playful and full of energy and wants interaction all the time and I find myself just putting her on her playmat with toys to play by herself because I don't have the energy to play with her anymore, she can sit up by herself, is trying to crawl and rolls both ways so is capable of playing on her mat while I watch.
I used to talk to her all day and sing songs and nursery rhymes but the past few days I can barely bring myself to talk to her much. I was finding myself using my phone more and more recently so I decided to delete all social media apps in an effort to bring my focus back to her, but I still just find myself watching her play and not getting involved or still picking up my phone for other things.
Lately I am getting so frustrated with her, overstimulated when she keeps pulling my hair, climbing on me, crying when I put her in her swing or crib so I can get things done.
We read a book together every night as part of her bedtime routine, and tonight she was pulling at the book, pulling at the curtains beside where we sit to breastfeed and read, grabbing my hair, kept popping on and off the breast and making me spray milk everywhere. 🙈 I ended up putting her to bed without reading the book as I just got so fed up and annoyed. I feel incredibly guilty now and I should have more patience. Shes only a baby.
I think I am feeling burnt out, because shes EBF I haven't had a break since she's been born, we have no family nearby, my partner works full time. Shes never been a great sleeper (although it has improved), I do every single night shift because it's the breast she wants so its pointless my partner getting up.
I just feel so ashamed and guilty that I am not being the mom she deserves and the mom I thought I was going to be. I dont feel like I can tell anyone, not even my partner. Can PPD develop after 6 months?
TL;DR - I am not being interactive enough with my baby and being the mother she deserves