Postpartum blues

[Stars23]

I am 1 week+2 days post partum and I feel so miserable. I love my baby and don't feel like its anything to do with her but I can't seem to get any routine or sleep. I feel very disconnected with my partner and really struggling to talk to him about how I feel. He acts as though hes finding in tough, which in sure its hard on him too but I'm the one doing the most in terms of feeding and changing baby aswell as the house work and caring for the other children (this is our third). I dont really know what to do at this point im just exhausted and constantly crying.. is it just normal baby blues? When will this pass?

Please don't expect too much of yourself, I mean this in a nice way. Every time I give birth I spend about 4 days crying on and off because of hormones and exhaustion. You have been through a lot and 1 week after giving birth is very soon to be feeling like yourself.

You've had 2 children before so how does it compare to your previous postpartum periods, do you feel unusually down?

It's hard to even find time to talk to your partner if you have small children, but better to talk than to bottle it up.

Tbf though I wouldn't be happy if I felt my husband wasn't pulling his weight, it does sound like you are doing a lot, what does he actually do then if you are doing all the newborn stuff, the childcare and the housework?

At times I do feel more down than I have done in the past but I'm not sure if its just the over tiredness mixed with an overwhelming need to keep on top of everything. He isnt doing an awful lot, he cooks dinner if I don't He has 8 weeks paternity leave and I thought that was going to be great having him home all the time but I think i feel more lonely than ever

He needs to pull his weight! He should be doing the cooking and housework at least.

If he’s on paternity leave, he should definitely be sharing the load while he’s off. He’s not on holiday. Can you speak with him and work out a plan?

Please talk to your doctor or mdwife/health visitor about how you're feeling. While a certain amount of baby blues is normal, it usually hits around 4/5 days after birth and it generally is a combination of tiredness, physical discomfort, hormones and your milk coming in. What you're describing could be post natal depression which is very common and treatable so please don't suffer alone. Talk to your partner or your mum and make an appointment to see your GP. Also talk to your partner about what practical things he needs to do and how he can give you a break to rest when you're not feeding baby - he can take baby out for a walk for example so that you can have a lie down. Don't wait for him to volunteer, tell him what you need.

Oh love, I know you know this deep down but it's rough 5-10 days you are getting smashed left right and centre plus that hormone drop too. I cried allthe time then I don't really know anyone that didn't. Don't expect to much. You need to concentrate on you, husband needs to step up he should be handling EVERYTHING else, and then depending on feeding arrangements take babe out for a walk whilst you get a couple of hours. It makes a world of difference. I'm no 12 weeks PP and it changes so quickly and it soon becomes less brutal. Take what you can sleep wise and when as that's all that matters. But chat to your midwife etc. you are normal he needs to step up to support you. Remember it gets easier ❤️

8 weeks leave too. Like someone else said you need to spell it for them, they are often idiots and just don't get it particularly if you look alright. Time for a stern word and then maybe with some changes see how you feel but yes he is not on bloody holiday. Mines off for a year nearly and conversations are required shall we say!

I cried every day for 3 months with our first; the (about to retire) health visitor said she’d never seen it so bad. DH only had 2 weeks paternity leave so my Mum had to come and help. We worked it as I looked after the baby, DH looked after me and my Mum looked after DH! Your DH need to seriously step up.

Oh gosh OP. Your husband needs to step up massively here. It’s probably exhaustion and overwhelm making you feel this way. He should be doing almost everything in the house and with the older kids imo. You’re recovering from birth! Please stop cooking and doing anything around the house. If you’re doing most of the babycare, then he does everything else, simple. Sit him down for a conversation and make your expectations clear. But firstly, be secure in the knowledge that those expectations ARE reasonable.
Huge hugs OP.

If he isn't doing a lot, I wonder what he is doing? Is he putting time into hobbies, watching TV, going to the gym? Because that would grate on me too. It's all hands on deck when a baby is born.

Even though my husband of very helpful, I didn't want him to have a long paternity leave because although it can be harder work on your own, it's also easier in ways to get on with it on your own. Even with my helpful husband, I still found myself feeling irritated and resentful at times because even with his help I was still struggling and I wanted more from him, which is ridiculous I know but that's how I felt.

If you talk to him, try and focus on how you are feeling, rather than what he's not doing as a first attempt so he's less likely to feel attacked.

If it was me, I would honestly be asking him to go back to work, and just say its too disruptive, you need to start getting into your own routine, and it can put a lot of pressure on your relationship being round each other like that all the time.

Do you have any family nearby who could help as well?

Yes he has taken up a project in the garden and spends alot of his time on his computer game during the evening. I took on some of your advise and told him I needed some sleep. He stayed up with her for a few hours but i feel today we're back to square one and hes disappeared in the garden all day again. Maybe I do need to just stop doing everything until he can physically see im struggling. Thank you all for your advise. I think as a mum we just think we have to keep doing it all and clearly I'm putting too much pressure on myself x