Hi,
I would appreciate no shaming. I have PPA and really struggling at the moment.
I’m in my mid 30s and a mum to 5 months old daughter. I attending talking therapy due to difficulties adjusting to motherhood. I was never 100% sure about becoming a mum but she’s here now and I’m grateful for this having gone through feritility treatment to have her.
For the past 6-7 years my relationship with alcohol wasn’t the best. Unfortunately, now that I have developed PPA, I occasionally drink to „make me feel better” or take the edge off from the stress of parenthood. I am working on other strategies to cope with the stress.
The thing is that I breastfeed but have been making sure that if I have 1-2 drinks in the evening to wait a few hours to breastfeed, however, there has unfortunately been a couple of occasions when I binge drank throughout the afternoon and breastfeed after like a couple of hours. I don’t know what I was thinking and realise this makes me a horrible mum and worse- that there will be ill effects on my daughter. I am now worried sick that I might have hurt her or there will be long term impariments in her development because of these episodes. I must have read every research or forum there is, which all largely said that even when extremly drunk baby’s exposure to alcohol would be equivalent to that found in a ripe banana for instance, but I’m worried that even 0.05, or whatever there would be in breastmilk, would not be negligible to a 4 month old baby? After all allergens, for examples, do enter breastmilk and do affect babies..
On one occasion, when I expressed my milk after less than an hour after drinking a couple of drinks, just as not to feel engorged so I wanted to use that milk for her bath, when I smelled it the next day I swear I think I could smell alcohol🤔
Do you think I might have caused damage to my baby by drinking more than recommended on these occasions ? Because of the constant worry and stress, I developed OCD and am constantly checking and reading about all the milstones for her age etc.
Not sure what I’m looking for by posting but I suppose maybe some reassurance if one is even warranted…or if there is anyone who was drunk during breastfeeding and could share how their babies turned out, please do comment. I already made terrible decisions as a parent, and I know I’m lucky to be able to breastfeed as some women fight for every drop, and I can’t forgive myself for what I did.