Postnatal depression or valid concerns

[DrMDS]

I am 14 days postpartum with the second child, our toddler is now 3 years old. My parents came from abroad to help for a couple of weeks but left today for any foreseeable future. No true friends around as we’ve been working hard before and between pregnancies. The issue is with my husband - he is reluctant to adjust his lifestyle to accommodate the needs of our growing family. He loves to sleep in, enjoys long showers every morning upon awakening (9-10am), so by the time he is ready, the toddler needs to have his nap. Not too bothered with household chores. Toddler tantrums drive him mad. It seems that he’d rather lie on the sofa with his phone rather than spending time with any of us. Should I say our relationship became rubbish, he barely kisses me once a week and shows no affection. My parents left today, and I cannot stop crying. The toddler has been going through a tough phase of accepting a sibling, including potty training regression and endless tantrums. I am at my wits end but everything makes sense - I am not just hormonal. Tried speaking to the husband but he gets annoyed. Shall I seek for CBT and try to help myself? Or is it just a total lack of support where I am? Thank you

Sounds like lack of support. I mean that doesn’t stop you getting PND and of course your hormones will be all over the place. But he seriously needs to grow up and step up. You have a baby: the toddler and looking after you and the house are now his job!!!!

This sounds awful. It sounds like the problem is mostly with your DH - if he stepped up with the toddler, took over the morning routine, contributed his share of things, then you would feel more supported and likely better in yourself and more able too.

I think a stern word is in order. I've got a 3 year old and a 5 month old, it's a hormonally difficult time as it is. It's hard and it sounds like it might not change, but then that brings about a different decision to make.

If you say nothing, you're accepting the behaviour.

I hope you're doing ok xx

can you buy in some help? Cleaner? Nanny? Babysitter for your 3yo?

That will give you some breathing space but your DH is a twat. He really should be doing better. It sounds like he doesn’t want to be in your family tbh based on what you’ve written. Could you find some counseling? I think it would be helpful for you even to just have that time to talk and hear his response to your feelings - sorry he is treating you badly. And at this time when you have a new baby! Definitely find someone else who can help you in some way even if it’s only temporary so you have some childcare. Be kind to yourself and congratulations on your baby xxx