Separation Anxiety

[MrsSorryNotSorry]

Really struggling with this atm. LO is 7 weeks old.

OH is 50/50 whether or not he wants to stay with me because of the arguments that the PND is causing. He's moved out temporarily to see what he wants and for space.

I'm struggling massively at the moment with separation which I'm having to deal with so OH can spend time with his son. He's took him out to his nans this morning, I was a nervous wreck leaving him but took my prescribed medication and sedatives, and felt fine.

My mom then invited us out to dinner to take my mind off everything and I called to check to see if this was ok with OH (I was meant to pick LO up at the same time the table is booked for) and he was reading my messages on WhatsApp and choosing to ignore them, then not answering my call. So I've gone into an absolute nervous meltdown thinking something has happened. He's eventually called me back and said everything was fine, but now I just want my LO back and I can't calm myself down 😞

I'm trying my best. LO deserves time with his dad and I'm trying not to let my PND get in the way of that but I can't stop shaking. When does this get better? 😞

Your OH shouldn’t be taking your son, he should be with you all the time, he’s too little.

He sounds abusive, I would be asking him to leave.

It’s fine if mums are happy to but it’s entirely natural not to feel comfortable being separated from a 7 weeks old baby for hours. It’s biology; babies need frequent feeding when tiny and they are hard work and we have long gestation periods and usually only one baby each pregnancy so if any are to survive, the mother needs a very strong instinct to stay close to these unusually hopeless and helpless offspring. We didn’t evolve with safe formula and clean water in our environment.

You don’t need to be parted from your baby at all like this, of course ideally the dad should be able to have cuddles and take their role in care but they don’t need to take the baby out for hours without you if you are not ready. There is nothing pathological about your instinct and the resulting anxiety. Instead of medicating yourself I’d have said the best approach is not to do this again until your baby is older and you are more comfortable being apart.

I would also bet a million pounds that your depression is not PND, but an entirely reasonable and logical response to your OH’s horrendous behaviour towards you.

It’s not PND, it’s him.