Where to start…I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2021 which was very traumatic. I was very depressed afterwards but desperate to get pregnant again. After months of trying finally got pregnant again but was plagued by anxiety throughout. I was convinced right up until my daughter was born that I was going to lose her. After several failed inductions (reduced movements) ended up having a c section. I was ecstatic when she was born and ok but had real trouble feeding. About a week in I felt totally detached from my daughter and had become very unwell. We ended up in a mother and baby unit for several months. I was doing ok for a few months, having weekly psychotherapy. Went back to work part time after 12 months but several weeks in the wheels came off and I took several overdoses. I could not look after my daughter and was in and out of hospital including some time under section. Came out before xmas just gone and have had very little support since. I am on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication. Every day is a struggle. My daughter is wonderful and I love her very much but I feel like having a baby has ruined my life, I feel immensely guilty about this. I don’t want her to be any only child but I just cannot get my head round going through this again. Several ladies close to me have had their first babies recently and I am thrilled for them but at the same time I think I am mourning having not had a more positive experience myself. I am just not enjoying motherhood or life at all. My husband has been very supportive but my marriage is now hanging in by a thread. I guess I am wondering whether anyone else has experienced anything like this and whether it can actually get better. I just cannot seem to find a way through this. My family and friends seem to get some much enjoyment and joy from my daughter but I am just not feeling any of this. My daughter will be 2 soon. Thank you for reading.