Boss has driven me to a breaking point - asking to be signed off before mat leave

[SassyPeachShark]

I hope I can get some replies / support before tomorrow from fellow mums / mums to be! I have just shy of 3 weeks left until my maternity leave is supposed to start but my boss has made it very difficult for me to continue working and I don’t think I can carry on any longer.

For some background, I work for a small company where my manager is the owner of the business, HR is her mum but everything goes through the boss herself (HR is basically just there to help with payroll).

Since towards the end of my first trimester, she completely changed towards me - I told her I was struggling with my workload, where before she would support me and offer to work through things together (she’s very micromanaging and so it’s difficult for people to do our jobs without her input) if I needed help, she started telling me she didn’t want to do that anymore and wants the team to help each other and only go to her if necessary (she only said this to me, no one else). That’s fine but my workload has always been too much and I had several breakdowns in the past way before I was pregnant. It got so bad when I was around 15 weeks that I had a completely meltdown at the midwife clinic and got referred to perinatal mental health and told to go see my GP and get signed off straight away with stress. I got a fit note for 2 weeks, phoned my boss and she made me feel like I’d done something wrong, said I should have talked to her because she didn’t realise how bad things were (I’d been in her office crying on more than one occasion telling her I couldn’t cope before this point) etc. Main point is she made me feel silly and told off like a child saying stuff like “I know what happens with sick notes, you go to the GP ask them to give you a note and they’ll just keep giving it to you”

I went back to work after the 2 weeks, then things carried on being crap, I wasn’t performing well because I have terrible brain fog and super low confidence because of everything that happened and things have just been getting worse. She belittles me in front of everyone (we have an open office), takes away my responsibilities and hands them on to others after making a scene about me making a mistake, etc. I am just at the point that I am scared to talk to her, everything I ask is either stupid or I take too long doing tasks, not doing things in the order she wants, you name it. I just stammer and sit there like a dog cowering in a corner because of the way she speaks to me. Colleagues have commented that I’m her new target and that’s she’s treating me disgustingly.

i had my first therapy appointment letter come through on Tuesday, saying it’s been booked for 9am on Tuesday coming. I sent in an appointment request and she hadn’t approved or declined it so I messaged her yesterday and she just messaged back “you need to talk to me about this request” - I think she wants to decline it because I am off tomorrow and she already keeps saying I’m not a team player by taking annual leave on odd days before maternity leave and that I’m making my colleagues stressed.

this was the final straw, I have been putting work before mine and baby’s health for far too long, my husband has been begging me to get signed off and other friends/family have suggested this too but I have been trying to stick it out considering I haven’t got long to go.

but I am tired of feeling dread, anxiety and depressed all day before work and during work, I can’t live like this and I fear for my baby. I’ve been feeling suicidal on top of this, again because of how I’m being treated by work every day.

im going to make a GP appointment tomorrow and explain all this and ask to be signed off until my maternity leave (3rd march) but I’m petrified to phone my boss after to tell her and give in my note because of how she has been and how she was when I was signed off with stress previously. I feel completely petrified and have been crying all weekend. I know I’m doing the right thing for my family but it’s so hard. I guess I’m looking for support and maybe from others who have been in similar situations?

sorry for the long post, thank you if you made it this far

That sounds rough and I think you probably should get signed off.

I think there used to be a policy where if you take sick leave close to your maternity leave, your maternity leave automatically kicks in so it would be part of your maternity leave and not sick leave. So you may need to check that. But you are right to prioritise your health and your baby's health 💯

Get signed off. I did. And I wasn’t experiencing anything as bad as this.

This stress is no good for you or the baby. And after you’ve had the baby look for another job.

Get signed off and ask your husband to call in and let work know/handle work. Normally I wouldnt suggest that, but you need to prioritise your baby and reduce your stress asap

Yes, this is still the case in my org. I think anything after 36w and it automatically triggered mat leave to start, not sick leave. You need to check your company policy to make sure you don't lose 3w of mat leave if you go off early.

You really don’t need a job that much. I was in a similar position and walked out. I felt 100% better.

OK so you have to make a call to let them know, write a script and have it handy .

Pracitce - do not act permission, state facts.

I calling to let you know I’m not well and Dr has signed me off - I will email the sick note.

Let her ramble on, do not justify or answer questions.

Do not apologise.

end the call as quickly as you can ‘Thank you for speaking to me, I will keep in touch’ bye’ hang up - switch your phone off.

Olan a day of rest movies, books, treats, bath and look after yourself.

I worked for someone like this. With her favourites being changed on a daily basis (and god help anyone who got pregnant as they were immediately sent to the scrap heap). It was horrific and I cannot believe I stood it for so long. When she buggered off to another country to live, and the company folded, it was one of the happiest days of my life as I did not have the confidence at the time to walk away. Please don't go back. Milk her for every penny you can get, and then walk away. Nothing is worth the pain these people put you through.

Out of interest what is it you actually do that is very stressful

Is it data input? Or what type of task is it that she is asking you to do that you can’t manage?

Thank you all for the supportive messages.

unfortunately I couldn’t get a GP appointment today and so I think I’m going to call in tomorrow morning and try again but expecting her to be awful about it …. Spent my day filled with dread and anxiety and had to speak to the 111 mental health crisis team

How did it go OP? She sounds vile and needs to be more careful with maternity rights.

@LookingAtMyBhunas - thanks for checking in.

In the end it worked out - I phoned in sick the next day and my boss later called me to ask why I had called in sick. I just told her I was feeling suicidal and just not in any state to come to work. She then had a long discussion which I won't go into too much, but involved her trying to push me on medication and started talking about my poor performance over recent months. My husband was there with me which I told her at the beginning of the call (for support) and he actually told her this wasn't the time to discuss that and thankfully she stopped and actually just agreed that I was not fit for work and suggested I be signed off until mat leave (that was a bit of a welcome surprise!)

I phoned the GP the same day and got an appointment for that afternoon as I told them how badly my mental health was being affected. The doctor was a bit dismissive but when I mentioned I only had 3 weeks to go until my maternity leave and my boss agreed I should be signed off, she just gave me a note to carry me to the start of my mat leave.

I am doing so much better since, and am now officially on mat leave. My mental health has massively improved and I am also having regular therapy. I don't think I will be returning to this job afterwards seeing how I got treated and the way she is with people. I just don't think her management style is for me .....