Hi,
I had my 2nd baby about 4 weeks ago. Absolutely besotted with him, he's slotted in SO well. My toddler is amazing with him, overall I've had a nice postnatal period up to now. I had postnatal depression with my first child and felt horrifically depressed for the first year of their life- it was nothing short of awful and I so wanted to avoid it this time.
I had 'baby blues' for a week which was horrible and was full of anxiety but it did go and I thought I was adjusting well.
Husband has just gone back to work, I found a small lump in my neck and with the pressures of getting 2 little people out of the house, the nursery run and keeping the house going (husband is amazing and does as much as he possibly can, I'm scared of burning him out also as job is super strenuous). I feel completely overwhelmed and dare I say it, depressed 💔 feel like nothing will ever get better as when one thing disappears another appears. I feel like an awful mum as I'm struggling to be present. Riddled with health anxiety too, I've only felt like this for a few days but I just feel like it's not going anywhere any time soon 😞
So utterly disappointed in myself for feeling like this AGAIN. I swore this time would be different and I tried so hard to make sure it was. I feel so sorry for my children for having such a rubbish mum. I hope when they get older they realise how much I love them and don't just remember how sad and anxious I always am. I love them so much, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. So why can't I just be happy? Will this ever get better. ❤️🩹 I've scheduled another appointment with my therapist (took a break when baby was born) but I don't know I feel like it won't even help? Just feel so defeated.