Hi all, I’m a FTM to a 7 month old and I’m really just not coping at the moment, I’m overstimulated constantly and completely burnt out. My baby’s demands are simply too much for me right now, she’s 7 months old and has always been quite a fussy baby. I’ve always struggled to an extent, but my partner passed away a few months ago and I’m feeling completely out of my depth doing it all on my own. I can’t get a single thing done, and I mean a single thing, I can’t remember the last time I showered without having to stop midway to attend to my baby, who I take into the bathroom with me in her high chair with some toys. I can’t go to the toilet without her screaming the second I leave her on her own. I co-sleep as my baby has never been able to settle on her own, I know I should try getting her to sleep in her own bed but I think the stress and process of that will send me over the edge right now. If I try and leave her after I’ve gotten her to sleep, she just wakes up and starts screaming, which means I’m never getting that downtime in the evening for myself, I may as well go to sleep when I put her down to sleep. My self care has gone out the window due to all of this, brushing my teeth, showering, washing my face, basic care just isn’t happening right now as the sound of my child whining seems to send me into a rage, it’s constant.
I haven’t had any time to even process my partners passing as I never get a moment to just be on my own, and not constantly be in mum mode, and I feel that’s something I need to deal with as soon as possible, the longer I live in denial and ignore it, the worse my grief will be when I get around to processing it.
I have no help whatsoever, I have a large family they just don’t help. I know I shouldn’t just expect help as I decided to have a baby, but I thought given the fact my partner has passed away, they would help me out a bit more as this is probably the most vulnerable period of my life. I can’t do this on my own, I’m absolutely exhausted.
I love my baby so so much but I am at a point where I wish I didn’t have her, I’m starting to resent her for how much attention she needs from me. Half the time I just chuck the tv on for her in hopes she will be quiet and just leave me alone. My mental health is at an all time low, I don’t see the point in life anymore, I’m merely just surviving each day for the sake of my baby needing me here.
On top of all this, I moved house not too long ago, so that again adds to my stress, and none of my family are able to offer a bit of help, to decorate, to help me collect furniture, to help watch little one so I can get things done. I’m reaching a point with my family where I’m considering cutting them off completely, I know that sounds dramatic but I’m always there when someone needs a little help, yet when I need it I can’t get. If I can’t rely on my family during my most time of need, what is the point in keeping them in my life.
How and what do you single mums do to keep your sanity? To recharge? I’m at the end of my tether and it can’t keep going on like this.