Been woth my partner 8 years have 2 children under 2 youngest is 3 months old and oldest turns 2 in January, been very toxic he's bate me I know it's not right he wished my mum dead whne she was so ill nearly being lut into a coma and shes all i have and i was just recently pregnant with baby number 2,and then when baby was 12 weeks old I got diagnosed with postnatal depression started anti depressants he went on them also the next day and now apparently doesn't love me anymore I'm crazy for having postnatal depression every argument he'd say my body's disgusting I'm so skinny dying looking I make him sick I've no tit's and alsorts just sfter I ahd a baby then expected me to just fee okay ehen he said a day later course I didn't mean them I literally feel like I'm in. Big black hole I have no help no support he has taken our almost 2 year old to his mums to stay with him as he has to drive him around in the car to get him asleep since my mum was in critical care and he was looking afte him at bed time every night, my mum or dad can't help me he's left a week now and I just feel so alone with a newborn al dsy no one to talk to I've no friends nothing he knows this he's up in his mummy's and pretending he's coming down to me and baby but he's going out drives and doing stuff for his friends wouldn't tske the baby for10 mins so I csn get a shower but he's constantly down beside out house I feel like I don't even know him anymore the lowest I've felt in my life and he has mocked me for it and I have no one to just watch her so I can get 10 minutes to clear my head I've told him when I've struggled and he's ignored me but if I ask him ot get me gas for the house he will text back straight away I just don't see any light at the end of this there's no ne I can even spend the dsy at their house my mums house isn't suitable I go out all day shopping but it's winter and freezing with a 3 month old only so long I can go out for then as soon as I'm home I break down I have nothing to look forward to no time torrelax for a minute, it would help me out so much just to not have to wash every single bottle I just feel so overwhelmed I know it's the postnatal depression I've never felt like this before and now I don't even know I'd my medication is working as I've been on then a month now and my heads everywhere with him I don't even know how to think straight it's almost christmas I don't even know what to do I've no motivation to do anything my favourite time of the year just ruined and I'll be alone on Christmas as I can't get anywhere with 2 under 2 no buses on or anything just breaks my heart everything I'm gonna have to do on my own n how much they're gonna miss out now we had so much planned for christmas now it's out the window I can't cope I know if he wanted to be with me he would already just feel like why this time of my life out of all times why can't I have a supportive partner through postnatal depression don't even know what I want from this post just how will I cope I don't know how ehen I need out if this house all day but it's not like I've any family homes I can go to do that I fee so lost