3 days away from birth and panicked

[Firsttimemum000]

I’m due to have a C-section in 3 days and in all honesty I’m nervous and panicked, and don’t feel excited to ‘meet my baby’ which everyone keeps asking me. The C-section has been a fairly last min curve ball which I’ve been quite upset about (I had hoped natural labour would be a bonding, transitional experience) but I’m mainly apprehensive about the prospect of motherhood. I have been apprehensive before I got pregnant and during my whole pregnancy tbh. I’m scared I won’t bond with my baby and that I’ll feel like I’ve made a massive mistake and want my old life back. I feel like I’ve struggled to bond with the baby while pregnant as it’s such an abstract concept and I don’t know them yet. I feel like there’s something wrong with me feeling like this as everywhere I look pregnant women seem so excited and certain. I guess I’m looking for reassurance and stories from other mums that haven’t felt that saccharine sweet excitement to ‘meet baby’ and have questioned their maternal instincts, only to find that things are actually ok and better than they expected, and the stories of love and connection are true. TIA x

This only half answers your question but, before my first, I thought having a c section would be the end of the world. I struggled on having a traumatic labour with loads of intervention and then it ended in a EMCS anyway. For my second I had ELCS and it went great.

The so-called golden hour is totally overrated. You've got the rest of your life to bond with your child, it doesn't happen in an instant, it takes weeks, months, years.

Don't rush yourself. It's totally normal (imo) to look at your newborn and think "who the fuck are you?!"

The name Barbara is from ancient Rome and it means "little stranger". So it's always been normal to see your baby as a stranger at first. You're not weird if you feel that way

I agree it's totally normal NOT to feel immediately overwhelmed with "I've known you always" love. It grows.

And yes you will think "what on earth have I done why I am i not packing a bikini with 5 hours notice for a hot mini break and cocktails" or whatever your pre-baby vice was. But it will be sporadic and the feeling when they smile at you is out of this world.

Oh, and I think " you know your baby best" is not super helpful in the beginning. You don't know your baby better than anyone else to begin with! But you will get to know them.

Very best of luck. You will be great.

Oh and PS - feeding is bonding. Cuddling is bonding. Wiping shit and snot and whatever else is bonding. Laughing with them is bonding.