Feel like I am failing my baby

[Anxiousftmum]

Hey everyone, don't know what I'm looking for on here really maybe just some words of reassurance, a place to vent, I really don't know. Baby girl is nearly 5 months old and even before pregnancy I have always struggled with my mental health. I'm on citalopram to try and help but this week has been really tough. I feel so down and depressed. I can't be bothered doing anything. It's really making me feel like I'm failing my baby. I got her ear defenders and we were meant to go to a family firework display but we didn't go as I felt too down. I had tickets to take her to a sensory light show tonight and have also bailed on that because I feel so low. Planning these things then ending up bailing is making me feel awful because I know she would have loved seeing all the lights and stuff. I feel like terrible mum because my depression is really taking over me. I was looking forward to taking her tonight but now it's here I just feel so sad about not feeling up to taking her. I feel like such a let down of a mum. I feel like there's no way out of this depression and I'm always going to be suffering. Has anyone else felt the same as this 5 months PP?

I’m so sorry you’re struggling OP. When you feel the way you do honestly my advice is celebrate the little things you do, rather than planning big things that make you feel overwhelmed. Baby enjoys playing with you just as much as looking at some lights at this age. My daughter is 6 months old and yes she loved watching the fireworks, but she also loves playing peekaboo with me in the house, she loves a bath with her bath toys, she loves us reading a story together and feeling the different textures of a book, she loves us dancing in the kitchen with a song on! You don’t have to be out doing the big things to be a “good” mum, and you’re not failing. There is a way through this I promise x

@Mrsttcno1 thank you so much x

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's not an easy job to raise a baby and it can feel so lonely at times. It's great that you're able to step back and realise that sometimes you need a break, it's not failing your baby, quite the opposite, your kids need to see that's important to slow down and take time for ourselves at times. Of course they like sensory light stuff but what they like most is to be with you xx

Thank you xx

Op it can be hell

Lonely
Isolation

And the guilt we feel

Been there xxxx

I agree with all previous posters. It’s a massive adjustment and very easy to start measuring our own performance as new mothers against some impossibly high and unrealistic bars. I don’t know about you OP but I don’t remember any sensory light shows or events in my first year on the planet but I do know I benefitted hugely from having a loving mum who was with me and did her best even though she struggled, that’s what is important.

So so many people feel like you do, I remember it myself very clearly even though mine are adults now. You really are not unusual to struggle and it is only a sign that you’re human, nothing more, you are not failing. I agree with @PostnatalTherapyTools (I too have run primary care PND groups), look for support, it’s definitely out there. Often there are groups running locally that really help you to see that all sorts of people find it challenging and to see that you are not alone. They offer individual and group support and signposting to other early years groups etc. 💐

I’ve just seen this is an old thread! The comments will always be relevant to anyone struggling so not the end of the world. I hope OP is thriving…