Please or to access all these features

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Help needed, welfare meeting.

11 replies

Heartbeats18 · 10/10/2024 22:33

Hi all,
I have a welfare meeting tomorrow. I have been signed off with postnatal depression/anxiety. Im going to be off for another 4 weeks but I don't know how to say this. I'm scared they will want me to come back sooner and I'm will just say yes. My manager can be very pushy and condescending. How do I word it to my manager that I will be back when I'm feeling better, I'm taking medication and I don't want to be back at work until I'm fit and well as it's not fair on the other staff to support me when I'm not ready. Does anyone have a professional way to say it? I'm so anxious about it all. Thank you.

OP posts:
LoveTheRainAndSun · 10/10/2024 22:45

I would just factually explain that due to medical reasons, your return will be delayed for another four weeks. If you think you might struggle to stick to it, can you bring a support person to help you?

Heartbeats18 · 10/10/2024 23:05

Thank you, I don't have anyone I could bring. I haven't disclosed to many people that I'm suffering with it as I don't want to be judged :( HR haven't even told me who will be there at this meeting. They have said it's just an informal meeting but my manager can be very intimidating. I may ask a colleague to come in with me if needed xx

OP posts:
LoveTheRainAndSun · 10/10/2024 23:22

Anyone who judges you is not worth your time. I hope the meeting goes well.

Brinny · 10/10/2024 23:26

Oh I hope all goes well, don't be pushed .if your not ready then your not ready .your manager cannot force you , and if your Dr has signed you off she can't force an early return .

Heartbeats18 · 10/10/2024 23:52

Thank you, I have told them I have postnatal anxiety/depression. Does anyone know if I would have to tell my boss/wor exactly how I am feeling and what I have been thinking? I don't want to go into I struggle to open up and it was a massive thing for me to even go to my GP. Sorry just feel overwhelmed as my boss isn't the nicest or supportive.

OP posts:
Honeysuckle16 · 11/10/2024 00:05

This sounds a really difficult situation for you. Do you know the broken record technique? It’s part of assertiveness. It’s a huge help when you want to state your position but not go into details or be railroaded into changing your mind.

3 steps- firstly say something which responds to the other person such as ‘I understand what you’re saying’.

Then state your position, starting with ‘However’. For example ‘However, I’m not able to return to work for another 4 weeks’.

Last step - simply repeat these 2 sentences as often as it takes. Avoid giving more details, reasons, apologies etc. Just say the 2 sentences then stop talking.

Your manager will get the message after 3 or 4 rounds of this.

No need to panic, be afraid or worried. You’re in control.

Keep a quiet, gentle tone of voice to avoid coming over as aggressive.

Hope this helps.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 11/10/2024 00:43

Sorry you’re feeling like this and you don’t have a supportive manager. That’s the last thing you need.

You have been to a doctor who has decided you are not fit for work at the moment. This is fine, I know it’s hard (esp. with mental health struggles) not to feel guilty or feel a burden to everyone at work but you need to take care of your health. If you had broken both legs you’d not be feeling as guilty I bet, this is the same thing. You need this time to get well.

When you are in the meeting, as it’s informal (totally normal when you first go off) they will likely ask how you are doing and when you think you might come back. If you don’t know DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY THIS! Just tell them it’s too early to say. They might ask if you’ve been prescribed any treatment, medication or counselling. If you haven’t, don’t worry it doesn’t make it any less believable. If you don’t feel comfortable answering a question, say so.

The GP and your occupational health department will be the lead on you going back when you do eventually go back so don’t feel pressured into doing it earlier than you’re ready. Ultimately, you’ll set yourself back. Again, broken leg analogy, you wouldn’t go on a ten mile hike 4 weeks after breaking your leg, you need to look after yourself.

A couple of points for you, when you are thinking you might be ready to go back, you need to make sure they do an occupational health referral for you, which should be done for long term sickness (that is any absence over 28 days) OHU are there to support you and can recommend reduced hours temporarily (on no less pay) or other adjustments to help you settle back in.

Also - and this is important - You are protected under the Equality Act for 18 months after you give birth. Remember this, in case they try anything unreasonable.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 11/10/2024 00:49

Sorry haven’t fully answered your question! I’d be honest about what treatment you are under, they might ask if it’s helping, but you shouldn’t be asked any questions about your thoughts or anything intrusive or personal. If you don’t feel comfortable answering then you must say so.

They will likely ask if you know when you’ll be back, I’d just say it’s too early to tell at the moment but you are engaging with your GP and treatment.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 11/10/2024 00:59

Sorry - Can’t edit my post for some reason.

You are protected under the Equality Act for 26 Weeks after you give birth, not 18 months. Please disregard me putting 18 months!!

Nat6999 · 11/10/2024 04:03

Can you take a union rep in with you? When I was going through welfare, I had a union rep with me at every meeting, I got allocated a rep from a different office as my problems included being raped by my exh & this helped ensure my personal situation stayed personal. My rep was great when work was finishing me, my manager only wanted to give me 50% compensation but the union rep fought to get me 100%.

Brinny · 15/10/2024 23:31

How did it go.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page