Good evening everyone,
I don’t want this to be a really long post, so I will just tell you the main parts. I have been battling with health anxiety for nearly 8 years now. I had PND when I had my first child and developed health anxiety. I just can’t live a normal life anymore. It got even worse when I had my second child and I feel no matter how much therapy I have I can’t live a normal happy life. I am a very depressed, miserable person and feel that I can’t be the wife or mum that I want to be. It’s come to an extent where I even opted out of my work pension because I don’t think I’ll live until retirement. All I do it panic and research any symptoms I have (currently think I have bowl cancer and that it’s spread everywhere). I have suicidal thoughts a lot and sometimes just feel that is my only way out of this awful nightmare I’m in. I used to work part time, but the days I was at home whilst the children were at school would be spent in bed crying and researching about death and illnesses. I would like make myself sick over it. I’ve now gone back full time because of this. I just don’t feel there is any way out of this as I’ve battled it for so long and just can’t seem to live a happy fulfilled life and I just don’t know how long I can go on like this. I also spend money as if I am living my last days and seem to have developed a shopping addiction. I earn a decent wage but won’t save anything as my thought process is so negative and I feel as if I should spend the money I have. This is getting increasingly difficult for my husband to deal with. Some days I want to end it all and just not exist, but then I think about my children.
Has anyone else been through this and fought it?